DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a financially secure, elderly, widowed man friend who I am quite fond of, but he has one habit that I find offensive.

When he invites others out to a restaurant where he is picking up the bill, he always picks a mid-priced restaurant and chooses one of the least-expensive items on the menu. However, if someone else is paying, he chooses a high-priced menu item.

We went to lunch as guests of another couple. Prices on the lunch menu ranged between $12 and $36, with a large variety of food choices. The host and the host's wife ordered menu items in the $20 range. My friend picked the most expensive item off the menu.

I was taught that when someone else is paying, you should choose something from the menu in the same price range as your host. Am I wrong? If I am correct, how do I approach this issue with my friend?

Something similar happens at buffets and potlucks, where he will stuff himself to an uncomfortable level, eating at least three or four times the amount he would eat at home. If I question why he is making a glutton of himself, he tells me not to spoil his fun.

GENTLE READER: Before we get to How, Miss Manners would like to address What and When.

Your friend's behavior is ungenerous and unseemly. But telling him so is doubly rude: once for correcting another person's manners, and again for noticing the price of his choice. What happened at that lunch is between your friend and the other couple, and your intervention will be appreciated by exactly no one -- including the other couple.

When it is your turn to host -- and assuming the behavior does not so offend you that you, as, no doubt, many of his other friends, lose interest in going out together -- choose a less-expensive restaurant.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What would you do if you were hosting a dinner party, invited the guests, and one guest RSVP'd: "I would love to come. However, I have another engagement, so I will be late."

The guest arrived late by one hour and 30 minutes. We had put away the food from the dinner and had begun to serve dessert.

However, the late-arriving guest said she was hungry. Other guests began pulling things out of the refrigerator to serve her the items she had missed by arriving late.

How can I avoid this in the future? What is the correct way to tell someone that if they have another engagement, they should choose which one they will attend?

GENTLE READER: "Well then, we would love to have you over another time."

Miss Manners realizes she appears to have misunderstood what her guest was saying, but she prefers to believe that your friend could not be guilty of an intentional rudeness. All but the most brazen guests will take the hint.

Those who do not should enjoy the repeat of the meal that you (not your other guests) improvise when they do arrive, because it will be their last as your guest for some time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For years, I had the pleasure of looking after an elderly neighbor, until she passed. She had no close relatives, and people were generally uninterested in her. It was very sad.

I am now working with her lawyer to settle her sizable estate. Everything is held in a trust, shielded from prying eyes. Neighbors see me at her home and know I am facilitating the dispersion of contents and sale of the house. I am being asked by neighbors if I was left anything.

I don't want to say no, because I don't want others to think my friend was thoughtless and exploitative, because she was not. I don't want to say yes, because I don't want them to think differently of me. If all were transparent, millions were left to many social and community organizations, and I was provided a sum some might consider substantial, but it really won't change my lifestyle.

How can I respond to these neighbors?

GENTLE READER: Funny how those neighbors, who were not interested in her when she was alive, have suddenly developed an interest.

Of course, you do not want to satisfy this unseemly curiosity. Miss Manners suggests that this is an occasion for a nonanswer, such as, "It was a privilege to know her, and I miss her." Should probing persist, you could add, "It's a shame you didn't know her better. She was a lovely person."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know that in the past, it has been a custom to refer to a wife as "Mrs. Husband's First Name Last Name." While I, admittedly, have never been a fan of the custom, as I have a name and it is not my husband's, I have tried to respect the tradition.

However, I can't help but feel, in this day and age, that the fact that women have names might be something we can address.

My husband gets the mail from our mailbox and was thoroughly confused because we received an invitation addressed to "Mrs. First Initial Last Name." He thought he had been invited to a bridal shower, and I don't blame him. A quick glance certainly makes it look like he was the invitee. Our friends also had the same response, as their invitations were sent in the same manner.

Has there been any change in customs/manners to allow a woman to exist on her own? I certainly feel like the least someone could do is give the correct initial of a first name. Or am I being too progressive?

GENTLE READER: Too progressive? Where have you been?

The old form is in such rare use now as to have left your entire circle flummoxed. Indeed, courtesy titles of any kind are in danger of disappearing.

Miss Manners hopes that you are not suggesting that we cease to respect and start to attack those who follow the old custom. Surely it would be easier to teach your husband that "Mrs." always refers to a lady.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there still a certain time frame for when you can and cannot wear white? Also, do folks still wear slips under dresses?

GENTLE READER: Now! You can wear white now!

And don't waste another minute, because the time frame is Memorial Day to Labor Day, so you can only do so for two more weeks.

No, Miss Manners is not deluded enough to think that anyone waited for her permission on such a crucial manner. The truth is that she relishes seeing people work themselves into a froth over this. No rule of etiquette, no matter how strict, annoys people more than the one that reserves white shoes for the summer months.

Why it upsets them, she cannot imagine, considering how easily they all get away with ignoring it.

Still less is Miss Manners able to see, much less judge, whether folks are still wearing slips.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We occasionally travel on vacation with our couple friends. However, one of our friends lost her husband to an illness. We, of course, still wanted her to join us.

We stay in rental houses rather than hotels, because they are located where we want to be, and it's so much nicer to have a common space where we can visit. We divide the cost of the house evenly, which means the singleton only pays for one person.

However, these houses usually have a master suite, and the couples take turns in them. Of course, that leaves the singleton out of a turn.

Our friend was upset to not have a turn. Should we overlook the difference in financial contribution and invite her to take her turn in the master suite, too?

GENTLE READER: Is the financial aspect of this important enough to you to justify hurting your bereaved friend's feelings by emphasizing that her status among you has changed?

As it would not even cost you extra to give your friend a turn in the big room, Miss Manners would think not. Graciousness, even if it violates strict accounting, is worth it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I purchased an old set of silver, and it included knife rests! I am in love!

But I cannot find anything in place-setting instructions as to where they go. So please, Miss Manners, tell me where knife rests go!

GENTLE READER: Under the knives when they are at rest.

Sorry, but you set Miss Manners up.

Actually, it is the responsibility of the diner to arrange them thus, after having used the knife and realizing what a mess it could make of your tablecloth. When setting the table, you should place each beloved knife rest just above the knife, parallel to the table edge.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How many times do you have to extend invitations to reciprocate for being someone's guest when they have declined? Obviously, a second is required, but after that?

GENTLE READER: What was the tone of the second refusal? If it was "Oh, dear, I hate to have to miss this," Miss Manners thinks you might try once more. If it was more like "Sorry, I'm busy," maybe not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)