DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the last 30 years, my wife and I have enjoyed hosting dinner parties at our house. Over the last few years, several guests have started showing up with their own bottled water or with a filled exercise water bottle, which they drink from throughout the night.

We've never said anything about it and we're not offended, although we do think it's a little weird. Do you think bringing your own water is rude?

By the way, we have plenty of bottled and filtered water. It's even chilled.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you can put a sign to that effect on your door: "Chilled water available here." But then, your guests might use your home as a filling station.

Miss Manners finds it equally weird and somewhat insulting to take one's own water to private homes. It removes the opportunity for the host to graciously offer a beverage -- or assumes that anything offered will be unsatisfactory. She therefore requests that unless there is a medical issue, water bottle usage be restricted to gyms and cars only. And so it has been decreed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am puzzled by an answer I get from my young adult children when I ask them a question.

Q: "Would you like some coffee?"

A: "I'm OK."

Q: "I'm going for a walk, would you like to join me?"

A: "I'm OK."

I've surmised that it means "no, thank you." When asked the other day if I needed the trash taken out, I replied, "I'm not OK," thinking that it meant "yes, please," only to have my son look at me oddly.

Am I the only one bothered by this new saying?

GENTLE READER: We all know you did not really think that "I'm not OK" meant "yes, please" -- but Miss Manners commends you for the effort. And agrees that the original phrase is annoying.

She supposes that it is meant to indicate that its speaker is perfectly content and requires no additional sustenance or activity. Or pesky follow-up questions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When getting together with a friend for a meal, she always asks for my opinions while looking at the menu. For instance, which dressing to get on her salad; which of two appetizers to choose; whether having the soup will be too much.

If I don't respond with a specific answer, she pushes for one. Upon occasion, she will comment when our food arrives that she would have preferred the other choice, or criticizes my decision.

How should I respond to her menu questions -- and then to any criticism that comes about from my answers?

GENTLE READER: "Are you asking because you want my opinion or because my answer will prompt you to realize what you really wanted all along?"

Said with a smile, Miss Manners hopes this will make your friend realize the unfair trap she is setting. And it is preferable to, "Stop asking, especially if you don't want to hear the answer."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son-in-law (age 45) tells me that his generation finds it OK to invite a woman to dinner without her husband. He and my daughter do not like my second husband, and want to invite me, alone, to dinner with them at their house.

I feel that it is unacceptable manners and an awful snub to my husband to dine without him (unless it is a work-related event). Lunch is OK, I think -- I often meet women friends for lunch, but not dinner, without their husbands. Can you weigh in on this?

GENTLE READER: When your daughter was 11 and told you that all of her friends' parents let them stay up until midnight on school nights, did you believe her?

Perhaps, but Miss Manners' answer -- one she would have you make to your daughter in private -- is that it is not her husband's generation's feelings that are being hurt by excluding your husband.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was very close to my mom. When she passed away unexpectedly 10 years ago, I was quite devastated. I returned to my home (about 700 miles away) following the funeral, and a concerned friend offered to pick me up and take me out for a cup of coffee.

I will say, the idea of someone caring lifted my spirits. But in the car on the way to the coffee shop, my friend said, "Well, it is something we all go through." It was said in a rather "oh well" kind of way -- cold and lacking empathy.

It felt like my friend was ignoring the depth of what I was experiencing. It felt like a knife had been stabbed into my heart. Honestly, I wanted to just jump out of the car and walk home!

I will never forget that moment, and to this day, I wonder what the best words to say would have been. Could you please advise? Yes, I still miss my mom. I always will. Maybe my friend didn't realize just how calloused they were.

GENTLE READER: Your experience illustrates why Miss Manners urges everyone not to improvise when consoling mourners; grief can be both intense and irrational.

On a rational level, it seems unlikely that your friend picked you up after the funeral, took you out for coffee and drove you home because they lacked empathy for your situation. But it is all too easy to cause lasting rifts at such a time with a misplaced word -- or even with one that, though not the formulaic "I'm so sorry for your loss," strikes the mourner the wrong way.

Having now addressed herself to everyone else, Miss Manners will only add that she is sorry for your loss and believes that your friend was, too.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate response when a gift receiver criticizes the gift you chose for them? For example, my in-laws, who are from a different cultural background than me, frequently (almost always) express criticism at my gifts.

GENTLE READER: Although she is unaware of any culture that values insulting gift-givers, Miss Manners remains confident that "I'm sorry you don't like it" transcends cultural barriers.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at an elementary school where there are only two bathrooms designated for staff use. Often, as I am exiting the restroom, I will encounter a co-worker standing outside the door with their arms crossed and a very irritated look on their face. It is apparent that they are very annoyed that they had to wait for me to come out of the restroom.

It is not as if I am in there dawdling or having a conversation on my cellphone. What is the proper response to these rude and impatient co-workers?

GENTLE READER: Stop moving -- thereby leaving yourself positioned between your co-worker and the bathroom door -- and, with a look of concern and contrition, ask if everything is OK.

In our increasingly virtual world, people sometimes forget that in the real one, others can see them when they huff or roll their eyes. This will serve as a gentle reminder -- one that will be underlined, for your co-worker, by the growing realization that the more time spent discussing and listening to your apology, the greater their discomfort.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When waiting in the doctor's office treatment room, fully clothed, should I stand to greet the doctor when they enter? Does it matter if they are male or female? I am a 60-something man from the South who still says "ma'am" and "sir."

GENTLE READER: Dressed or undressed, this is not a social occasion. You may greet the doctor without getting up.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have two dogs I adore. All of my friends know this, and I often receive gifts that are dog-oriented.

A friend gave me a product for my dogs that I don't use. It was still very thoughtful, and I thanked her profusely. I then set the gift aside and planned to give it to another friend on a later occasion.

Several months passed, and the same friend who had given me the gift was at my home. I noticed her looking at the unused item and, in a moment of forgetfulness, I asked her if it was something she would like, as I had no use for it.

I almost immediately realized my mistake, but not before the damage was done. She was gracious -- she said, "Oh, it's not something you will use?" and then quietly accepted my initial offer to take it.

I am mortified. I NEVER would have tried to return a gift, and I don't know how to fix this faux pas. My friend was too kind to say anything, but I could sense that I hurt her feelings.

Should I have said something in the moment, and if so, what? Is there anything I can do now to make up for my poor behavior? This has been weighing on me, and I feel terrible.

GENTLE READER: Human beings make mistakes, which is why we -- or in this case, you -- need to apologize, profusely and with appropriately sincere body language.

Miss Manners understands your dog may be able to show you the correct stance -- although she realizes tucking in your tail will be anatomically impossible, and she recommends against exposing your belly.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)