DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm applying for my son to get into a competitive school with very limited availability for his age group. It's a well-known school in the area, and highly desirable both because of the curriculum and also because it's a small farm.

The children learn to care for animals and grow their own fruits, vegetables and herbs. They also learn how to cook with these foods at the school's kitchen. My husband and I really want to get our son into this school because he loves being outside and we believe this will help with the transition from being with me all day to a school environment.

All applications are due on Monday, and I intend on being at the school at 7 a.m. to hand it in as soon as they open. Would it be appropriate for me to bring the staff pastries, bagels and coffee along with my son's application? I have a background in sales, and would often do this with clients. It created a reciprocating relationship: I give you something and you give me your business.

I'm worried, though, that this may come off as desperate and tacky.

GENTLE READER: Or as a bribe.

Miss Manners recommends not doing this. Not only will you be, no doubt, one of many trying the same trick, but if the school is honorable, the inducement will have no bearing on the outcome. Except to make it awkward.

True, schools love donations and active parents, but presumably you will have shown that kind of enthusiasm on the application. If not, Miss Manners suggests you quickly add "loves scooping animal poop" to your list of attributes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have never really put any thought into where I keep my purse at home. Now that I'm married, my husband seems to be really bothered by the location of my purse.

If I leave it by the entryway or near the front coat closet, he says it's too close to the door and an easy target for thieves. If I put it on the dresser in the bedroom, it'll "scratch the top." If it's hanging on a door, it's "in the way." If I put it in the bedroom closet, it's "gross, because the bottom of purses are dirty and shouldn't be near clean clothes."

I ask him where I should keep it, then, and he just says, "Put it away."

Where is "away"? Where is the proper place for a lady to keep her purse at home?

GENTLE READER: Anywhere she likes. There is no etiquette rule for this.

But since your husband feels otherwise, Miss Manners thinks the least he can do is to make a reasonable suggestion of his own -- and not leave you standing there helpless in your own home with nowhere to put down your purse.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I got dumped by a friend because I don't dye my hair. She is a struggling actor who colors her hair and tells everyone she is 10 or 15 years younger than she actually is.

Over the years, the grayer my hair got, the less she wanted to hang out with me, before eventually dropping me completely. Occasionally, I'll see her on a television commercial selling postmenopausal vitamins or something.

It was painful at first, but it seems pretty funny now. Her hair might look 25, but all the other bits of her are firmly in the 60-and-over category.

GENTLE READER: The snarky, but perhaps deserved, last bit notwithstanding, it appears you have had the last laugh.

If that was the reason your friend dropped you, it is indeed silly. The signs of aging are not catching. And Miss Manners is pleased to see that people are finally recognizing the dignity in getting older by letting their hair become gray or white.

Perhaps when your friend discovers that she has only the occasional paycheck and some vitamins to comfort her in her old age, she will realize her folly. In the meantime, you are ahead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best way to minimize lipstick residue on cups and glasses while dining out?

GENTLE READER: A discreet swipe of your finger after leaving the residue is kind to both the dishwashers and the appetites of your fellow diners.

What Miss Manners does not recommend is that you wipe the lipstick off with your napkin, as this will then make it the (perhaps irreversible) problem of the launderers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am writing concerning an etiquette rule my flatmate seems to think I have broken -- one which I think does not exist. We are both in college, for reference.

The other evening, my flatmate invited over a guest, who I am also close friends with, to bake with her. I had my partner over at the time. After about four hours of all of us hanging out, talking and baking, I excused myself and my partner. We retired to my room to go to bed. It was rather late in the evening, but the guest decided to stay for a couple more hours while we went to sleep.

My flatmate thinks it was very rude for us not to have stayed in the living room for the entire duration of the guest's stay. But I think as I hadn't invited her, I am not responsible to spend the entire evening with both of them, especially as it got late.

Am I responsible for acting as a host in my house if I didn't invite the guests?

GENTLE READER: In this case, no, but you must promise Miss Manners that you will not apply this caveat to your partner in the future. Couples are joint hosts in a way that roommates may not be, necessarily. In other words, no using the "not my guest" technicality as an excuse to go to bed early when your spouse's tedious boss comes over for dinner. Although, Miss Manners sincerely hopes that even a boring boss would know to go home after six hours.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to a bachelor party that is being held on a weekend cruise. The guests are responsible for paying for their own cruise reservations, which cost $400 per person.

I confided in a family member that I thought it was rather gauche for a couple in their 50s, who live together, to have a bachelor party at all, and that it seemed completely outrageous to plan an extravagantly expensive party and expect guests to pay for it. I was informed that these types of trips are commonplace pre-wedding festivities and that I was out of touch to consider it rude.

I defer to Miss Manners' expertise: Is this a reasonable and expected form for a bachelor party? Or is this host out of line?

GENTLE READER: Whoever described the practice of sticking guests with large expenses as "commonplace" should probably avoid accusing others of being out of touch.

And on the subject of things not to say, Miss Manners hopes that the family member you confided in has no relation to the would-be host you accused of rudeness. Issuing pay-your-own-way invitations is rude, but so is saying so (to anyone other than an immediate confidante, well out of the host's hearing).

There is no need to reprimand the would-be host -- other, of course, than politely declining his invitation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a pretty small person and I cannot eat a lot. I usually eat about half of my food at restaurants, and that is entirely enough for me.

Often a waiter, while clearing my plate, will comment on how little I ate. I find myself explaining that I was happy with my food, but that I don't eat much in general. What could I say that would be better than defending myself?

GENTLE READER: Waitstaff are not supposed to make such inquiries. But perhaps they are trying to live up to the restaurant's idea of making you feel like one of the family -- without stopping to consider that the clientele might be eating out to avoid being nagged to clean their plate.

Miss Manners would not patronize such establishments, but, if you must, you need only say, "Thank you, I'm done."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Usually when I'm invited to a gathering, I will offer to bring a dish. I'm wondering if this could be a faux pas. Is it?

I do it as a way of being helpful, and because it's an expectation in my family's culture. However, outside of my family, I sometimes get the sense that the hostess is annoyed or almost insulted by my offer.

Am I overstepping by offering? Should I wait to be asked?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. If Miss Manners answered more questions than were asked, she hopes you will excuse her enthusiasm.

While she does not doubt your good intentions, consider how it might be perceived by a host who spent a good deal of time and effort preparing an evening for you, only to hear -- between the lines of your offer -- that those preparations were in some way lacking.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)