DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law and I have a good relationship -- fairly uncomplicated, if a bit surface-level. I've been married to her son for 11 years, and he and I have been able to navigate most in-law issues well.

But there is one small quirk that has us stumped: If I'm seated, my MIL will often pat my head like you would a puppy.

She's significantly shorter than I am, so it only happens if she walks up while I'm seated. Here's one particularly odd example. On the sidelines of my son's soccer game, she walked over as I sat watching from my lawn chair and started to rub the top of my head. I have a hairstyle with bangs, and it was quite hot outside, so she just ended up mashing my sweaty bangs down on my forehead.

I am trying to think of a tactful way to avoid this, short of standing up every time she's in my vicinity. It seems like such a small complaint in the grand scheme of things, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Do you have any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Barking?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am planning my wedding, but feel stuck on two points.

Point 1: How can I politely express to a vendor that I am no longer interested in their services? Do I need to give a reason, if I have been corresponding with them for some time?

The vendor in question has expressed a great deal of enthusiasm for those silly fluff activities common to weddings today, up to and (rather egregiously) including the "dollar dance." She expressed to me that I need to plan a bunch of activities to keep the guests engaged, and that the dollar dance would be a great way to "make back" some of the money spent on the wedding.

I now feel worried that the music, food, alcohol and temperature-controlled premises will not be enough to convince my guests to stay through the reception, and I feel horrified that someone would suggest soliciting tips from my guests.

Point 2: In your opinion, are table visits during the reception ever a proper substitute for a receiving line?

GENTLE READER: Point 1: Presumably you have already expressed to this vendor your distaste for what she is proposing. If she is not listening, then you are well within your right to tell her that this is not a good fit.

No doubt, she has lots of money-grubbing couples who would seize an opportunity to legitimize their desire to make a profit off of their marriage. (And please, Gentle Readers, spare Miss Manners the "cultural traditions" excuse, which would force her to give her lecture about the less appealing -- and less profitable -- traditions that the same people always seem happy to omit.) Using your guests' entertainment as an excuse for this dance, however, is a new one, even for Miss Manners.

Point 2: No. Plus, the receiving line has the added bonus of providing some amusement for your guests -- who are evidently easily bored.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I carry an umbrella everywhere, and sometimes find myself walking with another person, or with a group, when it starts raining. I want to use my umbrella, but it becomes awkward.

Sharing with one other person is OK, but we end up walking uncomfortably close. If it's a group, it's not really possible to fit everyone under.

It doesn't seem polite to use it alone and let the others get wet. Sometimes I don't even pull out the umbrella to avoid the situation altogether. Do you have any advice for how to handle this?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does ask you to try to share the fruits of your foresight. It has less interest in whether you succeed, which Miss Manners says to offer comfort, and not merely because she is scurrying to the nearest shelter.

Hold the umbrella far enough away from you to show intent, and couple this with a concerned look. That this will not keep anyone dry is the weather's fault, not yours.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was wondering if it's inappropriate to show up for the repast if you have not attended the funeral.

My brother-in-law by marriage passed away, and we traveled out of town for the funeral, staying at a hotel. My daughter, an adult child from a previous marriage, lives about an hour away from where we were staying. She has only met my husband's family four times in 10 years.

She was not able to attend the wake, nor the funeral, but wanted to show up at the restaurant for the repast. I told her that it would be inappropriate and intrusive to just show up at the meal if she did not attend the services.

Was I correct? Or would it have been OK for her to show up for the meal and bring flowers for the widow?

GENTLE READER: Marriage being the only way to acquire a brother-in-law, Miss Manners takes your point to be that the deceased was not your daughter's uncle, but what we should call her step-uncle, if such things followed any logic.

Your daughter wanted to express her condolences -- in spite of her busy schedule -- while you did not want her to appear to be looking for a free meal. Both are reasonable concerns, but both can be accomplished with a letter of condolence.

If your daughter also wanted the meal, she could have called the widow to express her condolences directly -- and said how sorry she was that she was not free before such-and-such time, which conflicts with the funeral. Your sister-in-law could have then suggested she come when she was available.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I understand that you should address and refer to people using the words they prefer. I've always been uncomfortable calling someone "doctor" who has an honorary degree, rather than one earned academically, but if they insist on it, that's what I will use.

What about when a deceased person is awarded an honorary degree? Should I then refer to the departed as "Dr. So-and-So"? Or is that too much of a stretch?

GENTLE READER: If the deceased has expressed a preference for using their posthumously awarded title, well, that would be remarkable.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a woman with a deep voice and forthright manner. When I am on the phone with a call center, I am often called "sir."

I hate this. I think they should not assume. My first name on my account is Rosalind, which I have never heard to be a male name.

How can I respond? I usually say, "Don't assume!" and they apologize. But it never feels right.

GENTLE READER: Certainly, it would be better if they had gotten it right the first time. But they addressed you with "sir," not "Hey, Roz!," and then apologized for their mistake. This suggests there was no intent to offend.

Given this, Miss Manners thinks it would be better -- and might also feel better -- if you were to respond in a less confrontational manner: "Actually, I prefer 'madam.'"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to deal with paper napkins?

A cloth napkin is easy: You spread it on your lap. But paper napkins are often too small and flimsy to be used that way. Plus, they are normally used when the dining is very causal. Nevertheless, should that paper napkin still go on the lap?

GENTLE READER: Yes, unless that puts it in danger of being blown away by the next gust of wind, in which case Miss Manners suggests partially sitting on it. She would also agree to any other method of securing it, so long as it is out of sight and you promise not to tell her about it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The following has happened to me twice recently, and I consider it rude.

On both occasions, I took an empty seat on the subway (I am elderly and short and don't want to stand if I don't have to), only to discover that the two people I sat between were together and wanted to talk.

On both occasions, I politely said to one of the people, "Would you like to switch seats with me so that you can continue your conversation?" -- the subtext being, "I don't want to be physically in the middle of your conversation."

And on both occasions, the person I spoke to said, "That's OK, I don't mind," which I found a very odd response. They then continued talking to their friend "over" me, oblivious to how inconsiderate it was.

On the most recent occasion, I went on to say, "Actually, it's bad manners to have a conversation over someone who is not with you."

"Manners?" he said, as if he had never heard the word. Then he said, heaving a big sigh, "That's OK. I'll stop talking!"

Don't you find that odd? Why couldn't he have just changed seats?

GENTLE READER: Or perhaps his surprise was that a stranger would publicly (and rudely) correct his manners.

Although the phrasing of your initial offer to swap places -- as a favor to him -- was not exactly rude, Miss Manners knows what was in your heart. She would have preferred a less antagonistic, and likely more effective, approach such as, "Could we please switch seats?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)