DEAR MISS MANNERS: I carry an umbrella everywhere, and sometimes find myself walking with another person, or with a group, when it starts raining. I want to use my umbrella, but it becomes awkward.

Sharing with one other person is OK, but we end up walking uncomfortably close. If it's a group, it's not really possible to fit everyone under.

It doesn't seem polite to use it alone and let the others get wet. Sometimes I don't even pull out the umbrella to avoid the situation altogether. Do you have any advice for how to handle this?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does ask you to try to share the fruits of your foresight. It has less interest in whether you succeed, which Miss Manners says to offer comfort, and not merely because she is scurrying to the nearest shelter.

Hold the umbrella far enough away from you to show intent, and couple this with a concerned look. That this will not keep anyone dry is the weather's fault, not yours.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was wondering if it's inappropriate to show up for the repast if you have not attended the funeral.

My brother-in-law by marriage passed away, and we traveled out of town for the funeral, staying at a hotel. My daughter, an adult child from a previous marriage, lives about an hour away from where we were staying. She has only met my husband's family four times in 10 years.

She was not able to attend the wake, nor the funeral, but wanted to show up at the restaurant for the repast. I told her that it would be inappropriate and intrusive to just show up at the meal if she did not attend the services.

Was I correct? Or would it have been OK for her to show up for the meal and bring flowers for the widow?

GENTLE READER: Marriage being the only way to acquire a brother-in-law, Miss Manners takes your point to be that the deceased was not your daughter's uncle, but what we should call her step-uncle, if such things followed any logic.

Your daughter wanted to express her condolences -- in spite of her busy schedule -- while you did not want her to appear to be looking for a free meal. Both are reasonable concerns, but both can be accomplished with a letter of condolence.

If your daughter also wanted the meal, she could have called the widow to express her condolences directly -- and said how sorry she was that she was not free before such-and-such time, which conflicts with the funeral. Your sister-in-law could have then suggested she come when she was available.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I understand that you should address and refer to people using the words they prefer. I've always been uncomfortable calling someone "doctor" who has an honorary degree, rather than one earned academically, but if they insist on it, that's what I will use.

What about when a deceased person is awarded an honorary degree? Should I then refer to the departed as "Dr. So-and-So"? Or is that too much of a stretch?

GENTLE READER: If the deceased has expressed a preference for using their posthumously awarded title, well, that would be remarkable.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a woman with a deep voice and forthright manner. When I am on the phone with a call center, I am often called "sir."

I hate this. I think they should not assume. My first name on my account is Rosalind, which I have never heard to be a male name.

How can I respond? I usually say, "Don't assume!" and they apologize. But it never feels right.

GENTLE READER: Certainly, it would be better if they had gotten it right the first time. But they addressed you with "sir," not "Hey, Roz!," and then apologized for their mistake. This suggests there was no intent to offend.

Given this, Miss Manners thinks it would be better -- and might also feel better -- if you were to respond in a less confrontational manner: "Actually, I prefer 'madam.'"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to deal with paper napkins?

A cloth napkin is easy: You spread it on your lap. But paper napkins are often too small and flimsy to be used that way. Plus, they are normally used when the dining is very causal. Nevertheless, should that paper napkin still go on the lap?

GENTLE READER: Yes, unless that puts it in danger of being blown away by the next gust of wind, in which case Miss Manners suggests partially sitting on it. She would also agree to any other method of securing it, so long as it is out of sight and you promise not to tell her about it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The following has happened to me twice recently, and I consider it rude.

On both occasions, I took an empty seat on the subway (I am elderly and short and don't want to stand if I don't have to), only to discover that the two people I sat between were together and wanted to talk.

On both occasions, I politely said to one of the people, "Would you like to switch seats with me so that you can continue your conversation?" -- the subtext being, "I don't want to be physically in the middle of your conversation."

And on both occasions, the person I spoke to said, "That's OK, I don't mind," which I found a very odd response. They then continued talking to their friend "over" me, oblivious to how inconsiderate it was.

On the most recent occasion, I went on to say, "Actually, it's bad manners to have a conversation over someone who is not with you."

"Manners?" he said, as if he had never heard the word. Then he said, heaving a big sigh, "That's OK. I'll stop talking!"

Don't you find that odd? Why couldn't he have just changed seats?

GENTLE READER: Or perhaps his surprise was that a stranger would publicly (and rudely) correct his manners.

Although the phrasing of your initial offer to swap places -- as a favor to him -- was not exactly rude, Miss Manners knows what was in your heart. She would have preferred a less antagonistic, and likely more effective, approach such as, "Could we please switch seats?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A theater we visit has stopped handing out printed programs. Instead, it makes a digital version of the program available to view on a smartphone. In general, I see this as a positive move, since it prevents paper waste. Moreover, it makes it easier to look at the program in a darkened auditorium.

The problem is that at one show we attended, my husband saw an usher chastising someone for using a phone during the show. By barring phone use, the theater bars access to the program, as well.

I understand that theater etiquette requires cellphones to be silenced during a performance, and I always do so. And I realize it's inconsiderate to the performers to be checking texts or playing games while they are on stage.

But is it really rude to use a phone just to check the program and see the name of the piece that's currently being played? If so, what's the point of providing it at all? Are guests expected to download the program before the show and print it out?

GENTLE READER: A new etiquette trap! First they make you use your telephone, and then they call you out for doing so.

Yes, you want to consult the program, if only to check whether Malvolio is the same person you saw last month as Second Grave Digger. And yes, it is rude to use your telephone, because it will cast a distracting light.

But how would you have checked this midplay with a paper program? Unless you sit close enough to get spinoff light from the stage, it would have been difficult.

You could, as you seem to suggest, bring your printer to the theater. Otherwise, Miss Manners is afraid that you will have to wait to do that checking at intermission.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Have you ever been to the grocery store, seen someone pushing a cart full of groceries and wondered if they're shopping for a party? Or if perhaps they have a dozen kids at home?

Ever had the nerve to actually ask the shopper what all the food is for?

I have three teenagers and shop every 10 to 12 days, and my cart is full to the brim every time. I'm stopped every single trip, sometimes multiple times, with comments such as: "Got a full load there!" "How many kids do you feed?" "Hope you have a deep freezer!" "What is your bill for all that?" "How often do you shop?" "Are you one of those monthly shoppers?"

And the latest: "Have you considered buying a whole cow?"

What are your thoughts on this? I'm not really bothered by it, and I even expect it now, even though I would never ask someone questions about their groceries.

GENTLE READER: It is a good thing you are not bothered by this, considering the volatile state of people out shopping for groceries nowadays.

At least these shoppers are only making inane remarks. There is no cure for that, Miss Manners is sorry to say, but the only acknowledgment it requires is a weak smile as you accelerate down the aisle.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)