DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a woman with a deep voice and forthright manner. When I am on the phone with a call center, I am often called "sir."

I hate this. I think they should not assume. My first name on my account is Rosalind, which I have never heard to be a male name.

How can I respond? I usually say, "Don't assume!" and they apologize. But it never feels right.

GENTLE READER: Certainly, it would be better if they had gotten it right the first time. But they addressed you with "sir," not "Hey, Roz!," and then apologized for their mistake. This suggests there was no intent to offend.

Given this, Miss Manners thinks it would be better -- and might also feel better -- if you were to respond in a less confrontational manner: "Actually, I prefer 'madam.'"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to deal with paper napkins?

A cloth napkin is easy: You spread it on your lap. But paper napkins are often too small and flimsy to be used that way. Plus, they are normally used when the dining is very causal. Nevertheless, should that paper napkin still go on the lap?

GENTLE READER: Yes, unless that puts it in danger of being blown away by the next gust of wind, in which case Miss Manners suggests partially sitting on it. She would also agree to any other method of securing it, so long as it is out of sight and you promise not to tell her about it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The following has happened to me twice recently, and I consider it rude.

On both occasions, I took an empty seat on the subway (I am elderly and short and don't want to stand if I don't have to), only to discover that the two people I sat between were together and wanted to talk.

On both occasions, I politely said to one of the people, "Would you like to switch seats with me so that you can continue your conversation?" -- the subtext being, "I don't want to be physically in the middle of your conversation."

And on both occasions, the person I spoke to said, "That's OK, I don't mind," which I found a very odd response. They then continued talking to their friend "over" me, oblivious to how inconsiderate it was.

On the most recent occasion, I went on to say, "Actually, it's bad manners to have a conversation over someone who is not with you."

"Manners?" he said, as if he had never heard the word. Then he said, heaving a big sigh, "That's OK. I'll stop talking!"

Don't you find that odd? Why couldn't he have just changed seats?

GENTLE READER: Or perhaps his surprise was that a stranger would publicly (and rudely) correct his manners.

Although the phrasing of your initial offer to swap places -- as a favor to him -- was not exactly rude, Miss Manners knows what was in your heart. She would have preferred a less antagonistic, and likely more effective, approach such as, "Could we please switch seats?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A theater we visit has stopped handing out printed programs. Instead, it makes a digital version of the program available to view on a smartphone. In general, I see this as a positive move, since it prevents paper waste. Moreover, it makes it easier to look at the program in a darkened auditorium.

The problem is that at one show we attended, my husband saw an usher chastising someone for using a phone during the show. By barring phone use, the theater bars access to the program, as well.

I understand that theater etiquette requires cellphones to be silenced during a performance, and I always do so. And I realize it's inconsiderate to the performers to be checking texts or playing games while they are on stage.

But is it really rude to use a phone just to check the program and see the name of the piece that's currently being played? If so, what's the point of providing it at all? Are guests expected to download the program before the show and print it out?

GENTLE READER: A new etiquette trap! First they make you use your telephone, and then they call you out for doing so.

Yes, you want to consult the program, if only to check whether Malvolio is the same person you saw last month as Second Grave Digger. And yes, it is rude to use your telephone, because it will cast a distracting light.

But how would you have checked this midplay with a paper program? Unless you sit close enough to get spinoff light from the stage, it would have been difficult.

You could, as you seem to suggest, bring your printer to the theater. Otherwise, Miss Manners is afraid that you will have to wait to do that checking at intermission.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Have you ever been to the grocery store, seen someone pushing a cart full of groceries and wondered if they're shopping for a party? Or if perhaps they have a dozen kids at home?

Ever had the nerve to actually ask the shopper what all the food is for?

I have three teenagers and shop every 10 to 12 days, and my cart is full to the brim every time. I'm stopped every single trip, sometimes multiple times, with comments such as: "Got a full load there!" "How many kids do you feed?" "Hope you have a deep freezer!" "What is your bill for all that?" "How often do you shop?" "Are you one of those monthly shoppers?"

And the latest: "Have you considered buying a whole cow?"

What are your thoughts on this? I'm not really bothered by it, and I even expect it now, even though I would never ask someone questions about their groceries.

GENTLE READER: It is a good thing you are not bothered by this, considering the volatile state of people out shopping for groceries nowadays.

At least these shoppers are only making inane remarks. There is no cure for that, Miss Manners is sorry to say, but the only acknowledgment it requires is a weak smile as you accelerate down the aisle.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had a 4th of July party for the past five years. Invitations have always been sent.

This year, I decided not to include a certain group of friends due to a disagreement. My husband wants me to send an email to all of these people telling them that we will not be having the party this year. I disagree.

GENTLE READER: Bad idea, for two reasons.

First, you apparently are giving the party, and once you have done so, it will not remain a secret. You will be lucky if your guests don't start posting pictures while it is going on.

Second, simply not inviting them is all the "nyah-nyah" that Miss Manners will allow you to have. There is no social form for not inviting people to a party.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our niece got married secretly in another city, and still intends to have another wedding this summer. Do we have to go to the second wedding, given that they are already married, and didn't tell us for almost 10 months; we hardly ever hear from them; and when they are in our state, they do not stop to see us?

I told my husband that we have the option not to go because it is a destination wedding, but he feels that we have to go.

GENTLE READER: Does your husband believe that a wedding invitation is a subpoena, and you have no choice but to show up?

As Miss Manners understands your situation, you hardly know these people, don't particularly care about them or think they care about you, feel that attending would involve inconvenient travel, and anyway, it isn't really a wedding because the couple got married without you.

So the relevant question is why your husband thinks he needs to attend. If he thinks not doing so would create an unpleasant family rupture, you should talk about the chances of that happening if you merely decline the invitation and send the couple your best wishes. They may have not counted on your attending, and already have a list of people they would like to invite in your place.

To anticipate your husband's next question: No, you do not then need to send a guilt-assuaging present.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my experience, the person who asks someone on an outing is the one to pay. However, if I am invited somewhere, I am prepared to pay if the need should arise.

My wife's birthday is coming up, and her parents have invited both of us out to lunch to celebrate. I love them dearly and don't want them to feel burdened, so I feel I should at least pay for myself, since the celebration is for their daughter and not me.

Is that rude? Am I overthinking?

GENTLE READER: Yes to both: You are overthinking, and in danger of being rude.

Miss Manners sees that you mean to be generous. But there are ways of doing that -- such as inviting your in-laws out on another occasion -- without hijacking their invitation and suggesting that they might begrudge feeding you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)