DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you suggest a tactical and polite way to approach a neighbor we do not know, asking if he would kindly consider reducing the wattage of the lightbulb in his front lawn lamppost?
The light literally outshines the entire street. More specifically, it casts a glare into the confines of our porch, where we enjoy sitting for a couple of hours at night with a few candles lit for atmosphere.
This is developing into a major problem between my husband and me, and we would like to resolve it without installing a shade on the porch window or planting tall shrubs at our expense. Would an upfront approach with the neighbor seem safe, considering how touchy people are these days about their rights? How would you handle this?
GENTLE READER: That you characterize this as a problem between you and your husband -- rather than as your joint problem with the neighbor -- suggests to Miss Manners that the spouse less concerned about the problem should be the one to approach the neighbor.
That spouse, being less angry, is less likely to set off a possibly touchy neighbor, and therefore more likely to succeed. She suggests the less-engaged spouse draft a letter to the neighbor to be signed by the more-engaged. Such a letter should assume that the neighbor is not unreasonably touchy, and would be glad to know about an inadvertently caused problem.
The phrase "I'm sure you don't realize ..." will be more effective if paired with a separate statement that you would like to get to know the neighbor, and an invitation to enjoy a drink on the porch. That the neighbor will then experience the issue himself need not be mentioned.