DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other day, I took a package to the local post office. It was early, the line was very short, and I noticed the woman in front of me couldn't get a handle on the three packages she was trying to take out to her car.

Not being in a hurry, I offered to help, and took one package out for her. She thanked me, I said something about being happy to help, and went back in.

The man who had been in line right behind me thanked me four or five times, while also apologizing profusely for being waited on while I was gone. I certainly didn't expect the whole place to pause while I went outside!

The woman behind him insisted I cut in front of her and thanked me several times, as did two other people.

I found it quite embarrassing and really didn't know how to respond. I think I muttered something about needing all the brownie points in heaven I could get, and tried to just shrug it off.

What I could really use is a more polished "Oh shucks, 'tweren't nothin'" response that doesn't call out anyone else for not offering to help, but rather shows that this is something I do as a matter of course. It is not anything special, and I don't need to be praised. Or excessively thanked.

Any suggestions on how to be humbly classy -- or classily humble? Or how to elegantly deflect unnecessary praise?

GENTLE READER: "Any of you would have done the same."

True, this is a wildly optimistic statement. Miss Manners has been inundated with stories from people who are victims of fights in lines, and from tirades by those who believe attacks are justified for such minor infractions as standing too close or leaving the line momentarily.

Typically, these fights take place in grocery lines, so perhaps the aggressors are just hungry -- whereas everyone in the post office had had a good breakfast before you met them.

But Miss Manners is increasingly alarmed that people are so antagonistic. So she is grateful not only to you, but to the others in that line.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When serving cake to guests, my wife insists on giving each person two slices, "because serving one slice is stingy." I contend that with many people looking to control their weight, one slice should be served initially, with the option of offering a second slice later. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: Thicker slices?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While at my in-laws' house with my husband, his mother privately presented him with a necklace to give to me. Once we were home, he gave me the necklace, and I thanked him. It is lovely.

Should I also thank his mother? I was there at the time and she did not give the necklace directly to me.

GENTLE READER: No, she did something even more gracious by letting her son pass it along as a family treasure.

Miss Manners is stunned that you are citing a technicality as justification to ignore that. You probably needn't expect to get the earrings to go with it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few times a year, my in-laws invite my wife and me to join them for a concert at a small local venue. They cover all the costs for the dinner and the show, which can be very pricey.

Before the band/performer takes the stage, the host reminds the audience that filming or recording of any kind is strictly prohibited. And yet at every concert, my in-laws whip out their phones about halfway into the show and take several videos. Even if we lean over and whisper a reminder to them that filming isn't allowed, they smile and ignore us.

This is a small, dimly lit venue and I'm sure other tables nearby can see the glare of the phones lighting up, yet we've never had the venue host stop by to give the same reminder. Not only is the filming distracting to our own experience, we feel highly embarrassed being associated with people who don't respect the rules.

After we declined to join them at last week's concert, they sent us several videos they took of the evening's event so we could see what we missed. My wife and I both cringed. We don't know what to say without feeling like we are shaming them.

GENTLE READER: Rather a tricky moral question: If your relatives are cheating, do you ignore it or turn them in?

Miss Manners prefers to avoid such a painful decision. She knows you have tried to tell them not to break the rules, so let's try something stronger:

Go with them next time, and as you enter the theater, ask the host, within your in-laws' hearing, if taking videos is allowed. (Never mind how often you've heard that announcement.) When the reply is "No," you say to the host, in a much quieter voice, "They believe they can do it inconspicuously; you might want to see if you agree."

Yes, the in-laws will squeal. But you can say, "I was only repeating what you have told me: that your filming doesn't bother anyone."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you apply gravy to your mashed potatoes, especially if you would like to contain them in a "lake"?

We discussed the idea of using the serving spoons, either from the potatoes or the gravy, to make an indentation -- historically we have used the gravy spoon, and it is made in the perfect shape! -- and also the idea of fussily using your own spoon to make the indentation amidst the passing of the mashed potatoes and gravy.

What is the right way to do this? We hope the answer isn't to just pour the gravy on the mashed potato mountain, as we like the gravy to stay in a unit with the potatoes!

GENTLE READER: You will have used your soup spoon by the time the potatoes arrive, so the only place-setting spoon that might be available would be your dessert spoon. And the residue of gravy would not enhance your creme brulee.

Miss Manners does not see how the usual argument about sanitation would apply to using the smaller gravy spoon on your untouched potatoes. So gently lower it onto the mound of potatoes to create a crater, and then turn it to unload. Any splashing and the game is up.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an attorney at a small firm. When the staff member who used to buy birthday cakes retired, I picked up a cake for a birthday that was going to be observed right after she left.

I then bought the next birthday cake, which was for my favorite member of the firm. And then I bought a cake for the least-liked person in the office, fearing that his feelings would be hurt because no one else was going to rise to the occasion.

Now, there is an expectation that I will supply all birthday cakes. This expectation is harmful because I am the first and only woman attorney at the firm, and one of the youngest, as well. It's also an expensive habit; the time taken getting the cakes equates to hundreds of dollars in billable hours, which I make up for by working later.

Do you have any suggestions on how to stop this cycle? I know that I've been part of the problem, but unfortunately my time machine is on the fritz.

GENTLE READER: Are there any junior staff members or receptionists at your firm? If so, Miss Manners suggests you solicit their assistance. Or build a rotating schedule among the attorneys.

Or best of all, suggest to your firm that you abandon the practice altogether. Cake in the office is not enough of a treat (and is often the object of dread by those watching sugar, gluten and other ingredients) to warrant all of this expense and angst.

Surely a card would suffice instead. But please promise just to leave it in the break room for people to sign -- rather than use billable hours going from office to office collecting signatures.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I dislike it when people fuss over me, but I have relatives who cannot seem to help themselves. Any attempt at a conversation always circles back to questions about whether I am too hot, too cold, whether I might like a brownie, or ...

Attempts to change the conversation may work momentarily, but somehow always devolve back into fussing over me. I know they intend to be kind and hospitable, but it makes me feel a bit snappish after a while.

What is the politest way to say, "Can we please talk about anything other than whether I am too hot, too cold, might like a brownie ...?"

GENTLE READER: If you do not want it, may Miss Manners please have the brownie?

Because it does sound as if your relatives are merely being hospitable, if perhaps (overly) concerned for your health and well-being. Or they are avoiding your chosen topics of conversation and trying to change them (in which case, the brownie thing suddenly makes more sense).

In any event, if you do not like it, you may simply say, "Thank you for your concern, but I assure you that my temperature and constitution are absolutely fine. Now, let's talk about your tiff with Aunt Eloise."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)