DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was talking with a colleague the other day when he referred to his "baby mama" and how he had helped her through a recent illness. Upon the conclusion of our conversation, I wished him and his "friend and, uh, baby mama" (mumbled) good health.

I love that families come in all shapes and sizes, but I have a hard time with the term "baby mama." It is grammatically incorrect. Besides that, was it a demotion to call her a "friend"? Or does "baby mama" imply that she and my colleague have no greater allegiance to each other than their baby? Is it simply most polite to refer to someone by the same title with which he or she was introduced?

GENTLE READER: As your friend's situation becomes less unusual, a respectful term to describe the mother of his child will have to be found. But Miss Manners agrees that, even if one were willing to throw grammar to the wind, your friend's nomenclature is not it.

A respectful term would not infantilize the bearer, which may be why we have no evidence that the woman in question uses it herself. There are many grammatical ways to avoid using this term without the challenge of contradicting it, from "I wish you and Susan the best with little Georgie" to "That's great! I can't wait to meet everybody."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I fly, I like to sit in the window seat. I enjoy the light, the additional space, the quiet away from the aisle and especially the view. From plane windows, I have seen the Grand Canyon, the Alps, a comet, towering thunderclouds with lightning flashes, and many other wonders.

Occasionally a person sitting next to me asks me to close the window so that they can watch a movie. I don't want to. They can watch the movie anytime, but my show exists only at 35,000 feet.

I have tried to explain, but I often just cave in. Is there a polite way for me to handle this and still get my view?

GENTLE READER: In the days when paper airplane tickets were ubiquitous, airlines were happy to print unpleasant truths on the back, albeit in grammatically tortured, microscopic print.

Miss Manners recalls that the substance was that your flight may not leave on time -- or at all; that it may leave without you or your baggage; or that worse things may happen en route.

What should have been included was that you will have to suspend, for a time, normal expectations about your control of the space around you -- or to put it more succinctly, to share.

Tell your seatmate you are happy to close the shade during his movie, but would like to have it open as you cross the mountains, or whenever the movement of the aircraft suggests there is something worth seeing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a lovely silver candelabra that is a family piece. I keep it on display on a sideboard in my dining room with white taper candles. It is purely decorative; I have never had the occasion to use it for its intended purpose.

At a shower at my house, one of my friends took me aside to tell me that I was committing a decorating/etiquette faux pas by having unlit candles in the candelabra. She said that I should at least present the appearance that the candelabra was used if I were going to display it.

I had never heard of this. Is she right? Do I need to light all of the candles, let them burn for a little while, and then blow them out?

GENTLE READER: If Miss Manners explains this to you, are you going to use it as evidence that the entire field of etiquette -- the whole paralegal system to regulate human social behavior at a tolerant level -- is silly?

Probably.

Nevertheless, she will plunge ahead.

The idea is to avoid displaying things purely for show. Supposedly, you furnish your house for practical reasons -- which can include the pleasure you derive from nonutilitarian objects for their aesthetic or sentimental value. That is how you think of your family candelabra.

Nevertheless, it is obviously a utilitarian object, the practical use of which you are ignoring. The candles, being there just for display, are a bit like the fancy guest towels that hosts resent their guests using. Burning the wicks suggests acknowledging their use, even if you do not continue to use them.

Is failing to do so a high crime? Certainly not. Especially when compared to criticizing the decor in a house in which you are a guest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dear friend got married privately during the pandemic, and I gave her a monetary gift in recognition. Now, two years later, I will be attending the celebration of their wedding.

It's still a wedding: I have to dress up as a bridesmaid, and there will be dinner, dancing and all. Do I need to provide another gift for her? Same amount? Or a small, physical gift instead?

GENTLE READER: If you wish, but it is not still a wedding.

This couple is already married. There is nothing wrong with their tossing a party, but Miss Manners wishes that people would stop calling such celebrations "weddings" when they lack the key ingredient: a marriage ceremony.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A woman in my friend group has earned several advanced degrees and belongs to many prestigious academic and professional societies. I am bothered by the fact that she signs every email, even social ones, with her full name, followed by an alphabet soup of her degrees and affiliations.

This strikes me as braggy and pretentious; do we really need to know her resume for the purpose of making brunch plans?

I don't wish to offend her by objecting to this, as she is perfectly nice and down-to-earth in person. But I'm sure I can't be the only one feeling annoyed, and possibly belittled, by this practice. What does Miss Manners say?

GENTLE READER: That the lady must have trouble convincing people that she is educated.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I recently joined a local country club. Our kids are grown and graduating from college this year, and we found ourselves with extra income and a social void.

The club we joined is family-friendly. However, the last few times we have gone, we have gotten stuck next to clueless parents who sit with other couples and let their kids sit at their own table. The kids are loud and constantly up and running around.

I'm not happy, as we are paying a considerable amount of money to belong and don't want to put up with these brats on our nights out. I'm at a crossroads.

I said something to the hostess a month ago. However, last evening we were entertaining family friends and got stuck next to a table celebrating a 3-year-old's birthday. To say they were OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD would be an understatement.

I am at the point of contacting the board, but I really don't want to be that guy.

GENTLE READER: Apparently you joined the wrong club. Country clubs, with their sports facilities, tend to attract families, which means children (or what you call "brats"), and that, in turn, leads to birthday parties and children who don't sit still.

You might look for a city club with a good library. Or you could become active in the country club and propose separate dining areas for adults and children.

Whether you succeed will probably depend on the demographics of the membership. But if you continue to characterize children as you do, your chances are zero.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Like many others during the pandemic, I have found myself overweight and not looking my best. I am taking steps to improve my health, but I do not wish to be in pictures at this stage of my life. I don't want to remember myself like this, nor do I want pictures of me floating around on social media.

Sometimes friends and family are insistent about getting a picture with me; I decline, insisting instead upon taking the picture (rather than being in it).

Is there another approach I can take to get these pushy people to accept my boundaries? I don't want to tell them I feel insecure about my looks because that would simply be met with, "Oh, you look fine."

GENTLE READER: No matter what you weigh or how you think you look, picture-taking is now a widespread social nuisance. Even people whose livelihoods depend on being celebrated and photographed eventually come to hate it.

If you are asked, simply decline with no reason other than you do not want your picture taken. As you point out, self-deprecating remarks about your appearance will only sound as if you are hoping to be contradicted.

But Miss Manners knows that people don't always ask. In such cases, you must defend yourself as best you can. Not having agreed to be a model, you are under no obligation to stand still.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was a widower, now I'm remarried, my current wife was divorced previously, and we have six adult daughters between us. What is the proper introductory word to use when describing these women? Are they our daughters, my stepdaughters, what?

GENTLE READER: "Our daughters."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)