DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I recently joined a local country club. Our kids are grown and graduating from college this year, and we found ourselves with extra income and a social void.

The club we joined is family-friendly. However, the last few times we have gone, we have gotten stuck next to clueless parents who sit with other couples and let their kids sit at their own table. The kids are loud and constantly up and running around.

I'm not happy, as we are paying a considerable amount of money to belong and don't want to put up with these brats on our nights out. I'm at a crossroads.

I said something to the hostess a month ago. However, last evening we were entertaining family friends and got stuck next to a table celebrating a 3-year-old's birthday. To say they were OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD would be an understatement.

I am at the point of contacting the board, but I really don't want to be that guy.

GENTLE READER: Apparently you joined the wrong club. Country clubs, with their sports facilities, tend to attract families, which means children (or what you call "brats"), and that, in turn, leads to birthday parties and children who don't sit still.

You might look for a city club with a good library. Or you could become active in the country club and propose separate dining areas for adults and children.

Whether you succeed will probably depend on the demographics of the membership. But if you continue to characterize children as you do, your chances are zero.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Like many others during the pandemic, I have found myself overweight and not looking my best. I am taking steps to improve my health, but I do not wish to be in pictures at this stage of my life. I don't want to remember myself like this, nor do I want pictures of me floating around on social media.

Sometimes friends and family are insistent about getting a picture with me; I decline, insisting instead upon taking the picture (rather than being in it).

Is there another approach I can take to get these pushy people to accept my boundaries? I don't want to tell them I feel insecure about my looks because that would simply be met with, "Oh, you look fine."

GENTLE READER: No matter what you weigh or how you think you look, picture-taking is now a widespread social nuisance. Even people whose livelihoods depend on being celebrated and photographed eventually come to hate it.

If you are asked, simply decline with no reason other than you do not want your picture taken. As you point out, self-deprecating remarks about your appearance will only sound as if you are hoping to be contradicted.

But Miss Manners knows that people don't always ask. In such cases, you must defend yourself as best you can. Not having agreed to be a model, you are under no obligation to stand still.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was a widower, now I'm remarried, my current wife was divorced previously, and we have six adult daughters between us. What is the proper introductory word to use when describing these women? Are they our daughters, my stepdaughters, what?

GENTLE READER: "Our daughters."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Social media would be more enjoyable if people followed a few guidelines. First, some people post too much -- several times a day. Please recommend no more than three or four posts a week. Also, some people post too many pictures of their children or grandchildren. They may be dear to the family, but other people's interest in them is limited.

People should ask themselves: Is this very similar to something I posted recently? Types of posts that should be minimized in number: posts about your children, posts about political or social organizations, ads for businesses (unless it's really special or to announce that you are starting a business), inspirational mottos, personality tests and movie quizzes. "Memories" posts should be limited to things that are really special (such as weddings), not just your children at an earlier age.

There is sometimes a setting for "See fewer posts like this," but that isn't always successful. So it would help if posters would follow some guidelines.

GENTLE READER: Certainly. But currently, Miss Manners has her hands full asking people not to post insulting rhetoric and lewd propositions. In the face of all-out verbal warfare, slipping in an extra picture of their grandchild seems like a pretty minor infraction. But please, knock yourself out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A respected academic mentor and later colleague is retiring from a major university in the city where we both live. I've been invited to a big retirement dinner at a local venue.

The invitation arrived by email from a university-sponsored website. Under the RSVP menu, I was further informed that dinner reservations and a cash bar were available -- at a price two or three times what I would normally pay for a pleasant night out. Although I can afford the occasional splurge, I was taken aback. After discussing it with my wife, I checked the "regrets" box.

We agreed that there are various ideas for having a party on a budget and/or cost-sharing, but this approach was not a good one. Knowing the retiree, I don't think this was his idea, and I feel a bit guilty over declining. I do plan to give him a gift and pay him a personal visit.

Is this sort of pay-to-play event becoming common? Is there anything I can or should say besides politely declining?

GENTLE READER: Common or not, using a retirement as a fundraiser by padding the cost is unseemly -- and hardly celebratory. Miss Manners feels for your friend, who, as you say, was undoubtedly coerced into this brazen event in his name.

If you want to be exceedingly gracious, you might invite him to a simple dinner party at your home, telling him, "The university event seemed a bit impersonal. We would love to have you over to celebrate your retirement privately." And if you are feeling cheeky, you might add, "We promise not to charge for the drinks."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an 11-year-old male. I've recently come across a dilemma when I try to read the writing on a girl's or woman's shirt.

More often than not, the print on a shirt is on the chest, and it may come across that I'm looking at her breasts. Since I am a boy, this is a serious issue I have. It seems awkward to say "Excuse me, I'm just reading your shirt," especially to a stranger. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners' thoughts are that you may already require reading glasses. It should only take a quick glance to read someone's shirt.

If you are being accused of staring, you have looked for too long. True, if people wear shirts with more than a sentence on them, they only have themselves to blame for others taking the time to read it. And Miss Manners has found that it is easy to forget what you are wearing.

But if you do get caught looking for too long, you had better be able to quickly reference what you were reading.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For my 78th birthday, one of my children sent me a birthday cake. The cake was maybe 50% icing with bits of sugar candy throughout. I know it was expensive because I saw it advertised.

I have been a baker for 50 years and rarely make iced cakes. The cake was so sweet I couldn't eat it.

I didn't know how to respond when they asked how I liked it, so I said, "What was it supposed to taste like?" What should I have said?

GENTLE READER: The intention of your child was surely to please you with an extravagant, and apparently well-advertised, cake -- not to maliciously rot out your teeth and give you cavities.

Miss Manners suggests you practice saying, "It was so kind of you to think of me on my birthday" as an alternative to, "Why are you trying to both kill and annoy me with your sugary presents?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband of 58 years died last year. He was highly respected and loved by many people who had experienced his comfort and prayers in times of need. In fact, I received 150 sympathy cards. He truly was a good man to all who were in need.

What no one knows is that, from the beginning of our life together, he NEVER put me first. He seldom, if ever, encouraged me or complimented me. His abusiveness came through in the tone of his voice, not his actual words. I sought counseling after 30 years because I no longer knew who I was or what I wanted.

I cannot explain the relief I felt when I no longer came home to his car in the garage. How do I respond to the constant sympathy I continue to receive from those who miss him more than I do? I don't want to denigrate his memory for those who experienced his love and concern.

GENTLE READER: "Thank you. He will be missed." That it will not be by you, Miss Manners assures you, need not be specified.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)