DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a delighted grandmother of seven. I don't live close to any of my grandkids, though, and for some of them, in-person visits only happen once every other year.

Like others in my position, I look forward to seeing as many pictures of these children as I can online, and there are pics all over my house that I printed out and framed. All of their parents have seen that I do this.

Nevertheless, at Christmas, the gift I always receive is a picture of the child/children that has already appeared online, printed and framed. Every year. I have come to think of this as insulting -- a gift of no consideration at all. Not only that, but every Christmas card is just another picture of them.

I long for the days when a Christmas card had a Christmas theme and sentiment, and could be displayed during the season. It was a lovely tradition to display all the pretty cards and reminders of the meaning of the season.

Instead, this makes me sad and resentful at the same time, and I hate feeling that way.

GENTLE READER: Are you suggesting that Christmas is about something other than self? Haven't you noticed that all of life is about being photographed living it?

Yes, yes, Miss Manners realizes that sometimes people like to see pictures of other people, especially when they are not expected to scroll through dozens of them. And as you testify, grandparents like to have pictures of their grandchildren.

Your family has registered that, although not that you are capable of getting these pictures online -- let alone that you might appreciate receiving a sweater or a book once in a while.

The next time they visit, you might point out the latest photos that you got from social media. Or you could just consider their presents as saving you the trouble of buying frames.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is getting married, and my wife is greatly offended because his aunts on my side of the family (my four sisters and two sisters-in-law) did not throw a wedding shower in his honor. They were invited to a bridal shower given by friends of the bride's family, and a group of women at our church who know my son well also gave a shower for the bride.

My son and I feel that the groom's family does not traditionally throw a shower, so we are not offended. My sisters do not know that my wife is upset. My wife feels that I am just taking my family's side and not supporting her. Am I in the wrong? Should I be offended as well?

GENTLE READER: If anyone should be offended, it should be Miss Manners, because etiquette is so often used, especially at weddings and funerals, as a weapon. Here, as usual, the alleged offense has nothing to do with the requirements of etiquette.

Relatives do not properly give showers (although they do so anyway), and showers are given for brides alone or with their bridegrooms -- not for a bridegroom alone.

Why your wife is using this misinformation to spoil for a fight with your side of the family is something you might want to find out. Or just have your son ask her not to use him as ammunition.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend gave me a pair of diamond earrings for Christmas. They are substantial in size. He also bought diamond jewelry for his daughters and mother.

Upon closer inspection, I saw that the earrings are set in silver, and I am quite sure they are not real diamonds. He is convinced that they are. That is the issue: He spent quite a bit of money, thinking he was buying diamonds.

I will wear them, regardless. But I feel bad knowing he has likely been scammed. I don't want to tell him, but at the same time, I hate to see him waste so much money on something he was fooled into believing was genuine.

Should I stay silent?

GENTLE READER: Have you never heard the adage, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth"?

Yes, you could have the jewelry appraised, find out how much the gentleman paid for it, and, if there is a great disparity, tell him that he was made a fool of.

Miss Manners fails to see what this would accomplish, aside from discouraging him from trying again to please you with presents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a small business owner who has worked his tail off for the last 20 years to build a successful business. I have 20 employees, of whom five are full-time.

This Christmas, I gave cash bonuses ranging from $100 to $1,500 to my staff, with a handwritten note expressing my gratitude and thanking them for being a part of our team.

Of the 20, two of them sent me lovely thank-you notes, and one said "thank you" when I spoke with them over the phone. The other 17: silence.

I'm the kind of employer who never stops saying "thank you." I'm old-fashioned that way. But somehow, someone getting $400, $750 or even $1,500 can't even acknowledge receiving the gift, let alone thank me for it.

It felt good to me to give these gifts and I realize I should never expect thanks. But really, is this what we've become as a society? I am rethinking the gifts for next year if people will simply expect them. If that is how they feel, then it will become "profit sharing" with a strict formula for compensation.

Is thanks too much to expect? The two written notes I got really warmed my heart.

GENTLE READER: Nobody advocates giving written thanks more than Miss Manners does. This time of year, she is exhausted from battling those who claim that the pure joy of giving should make it unnecessary to know if a present was received, let alone appreciated.

And those two employees were wise: It is always a good idea to warm your boss's heart.

Nevertheless, she must point out that bonuses are not gifts. Even if not strictly mandated, they are, in fact, compensation for work -- presumably a reward for work well done. This is profit sharing, in the sense that people who contribute to the profits are given a share of them.

Now, if your nephew has failed to acknowledge the computer you gave him, Miss Manners is only too ready to denounce him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an unusual houseguest situation. My in-laws visit frequently to see their grandkids, so much so that we call the guest bedroom Grandma and Papa's room. This, I do not have a problem with; I have a good relationship with my in-laws and the break I get from the kids is welcome.

Their last visit was a little unusual because my sister was also coming for one night, just to sleep on the couch as she traveled to another state. She was not taking anyone's bed; she arrived after the kids had already gone to sleep, and would be leaving before many people even woke up. No one's time or space was being hijacked.

My in-laws have never met my sister, beyond her being my maid of honor at the wedding 10 years ago. When she arrived, I grabbed glasses of wine for everyone and we all sat outside on the back patio. My in-laws said their hellos, and soon my husband excused himself to finish the dishes. My father-in-law also promptly got up, followed him inside and got on his laptop, never to come back out.

My mother-in-law, upon finishing her glass of wine, then also went inside and never came back out. My husband came out after the dishes were done, talked with us for about 20 minutes and then went inside to check on his parents, but never came back out. My sister and I were left outside for over two hours by ourselves with half our guests ignoring another guest.

I'm not worried about my husband's behavior. My sister doesn't visit often, but they have a pleasant enough relationship. But I found my in-laws to be very rude -- they didn't even try to be pleasant or get to know my sister. They are usually very chatty people. Am I wrong?

GENTLE READER: There are likely many things at play here. Your in-laws clearly feel at home in your house and that they are free to come and go as they please. And they may have thought that they were giving you and your sister some time alone to catch up.

But Miss Manners agrees that they should have said that before rudely disappearing for the night. "Please excuse me, I'm tired" or "I have some work to do," followed by "I'll let you two have some time to yourselves," would have been polite. At which point, your protests to stay could be met with gracious compliance -- or at least a more convincing excuse than checking their stocks on the internet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our babysitter's mother picks her up in the evening. I always keep cold drinks in the fridge for guests. When the sitter and her mother leave, they help themselves, taking five or six cans of soda. How can I let them know that one each is acceptable?

GENTLE READER: Leave them only two.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)