DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sometimes find myself at an event where no one wants to talk to me.
My husband is a scientist, and at his conferences and other work events, the other guests are usually only interested in talking to fellow scientists in their field. I was once sitting at a table in a bar, and the woman sitting next to me turned in her chair so that her back was to me and her front was to the person on the other side.
I understand that these people may have traveled a considerable distance, and just want to gossip with their colleagues. But what can I do? I feel uncomfortable sitting by myself while the party goes on around me. I usually check my phone. Can I bring a book? Should I learn to knit, like the faculty wives in Miss Pym's books?
I don't want to ruin anyone's fun by forcing them to talk to me. I avoid these situations when I can, but it's not always possible.
GENTLE READER: Because you have been rudely and unfairly made to feel unwanted, Miss Manners is going to let you in on a secret: Far from being superfluous, you are the only indispensable person in the room at these events.
You are not elbowing your way onstage at a lecture on quantum chromodynamics. You are at a social event after the lecture -- an event that was scheduled because, after last year's conference, someone took a survey and the scientists all agreed that the conference would be improved by less shop talk and more socializing. Except that, when dropped into a hotel ballroom with an open bar (or a bar, in any case), none of those same scientists could think of anything else to talk about.
If you are charming and interesting -- and have almost anything to talk about that is not science -- you will win converts. And if it bolsters your confidence, imagine these same scientists back in high school (a technique that works in almost any profession, even if it is particularly apt in your case).