DEAR MISS MANNERS: Or should I say "Hi, Miss Manners!"?

I have noticed that all email, and lots of snail letters, even business ones, start with "Hi" instead of "Dear." I don't like it, especially from strangers or when it concerns business. But if I continue to write "Dear," will people think I am sending them love letters?

GENTLE READER: Or spam. Miss Manners has noticed that spammers have adopted versions of "Dear one" as a salutation, sometimes ratcheting it up to "Beloved."

They, too, seem to be interpreting it as ingratiating affection, rather than a neutral convention.

Miss Manners is not quite ready to let go of the conventional "Dear" salutation, and agrees with you that "Hi!" seems cheeky. But she is open to ideas if anyone can think of something simple and dignified.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I encountered two local celebrities at separate social events. These people are well-known, but not so famous that they would assume everyone knows who they are. These were family events, not related to the work that underlies their prominent status in the community.

What is the appropriate way to indicate that I knew who they were while I was being introduced to them? There was an awkward imbalance created when I knew so much more about them than they knew about me.

GENTLE READER: Could you honestly have said, "I admire your work"? If not, perhaps a cordial, "I know you by reputation."

Or not. Miss Manners asks you to consider the possibility that such a person might not want to act the public figure at informal family gatherings. You might just introduce yourself the way you would meet any guest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I have attempted to go to at least one cultural event -- a museum, concert or play -- each month. One thing troubles me: At the end of nearly every live performance we have attended, the audience members jump to their feet and give the performers a standing ovation.

I can understand this when the performers are students or amateurs, and the audience is made up of family members. But now it seems that a standing ovation is given for every show, no matter how well performed.

I understood that a standing ovation was reserved for exceptional performances, and I have leapt to my feet at some outstanding productions. Now, however, there seems to be a race to see who can stand up the fastest. On the other hand, one does not wish to be the only one retaining their seat.

Should one join in this overwrought exercise, if only to begin one's egress from the venue?

GENTLE READER: No. But you will not be alone, because Miss Manners is going to remain seated unless the performance is truly outstanding, or she is related to the performers.

What you are describing is ovation inflation, the entertainment world's equivalent of grade inflation in academia. Audiences have surrendered their privilege of passing judgment on professional performances, with the sweet but mistaken idea that they must thank the performers for showing up, whether or not they succeeded.

But this, in turn, robs the performers of the possibility of earning genuine tributes, instead of robotic ones. If everyone is outstanding, no one is standing out.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are fortunate to live on our boat, and have for many years. I recognize that people are fascinated by boats, so I try to politely answer questions when we are docked somewhere public.

There is one question I find difficult, however. People sometimes start their conversations with, "Can I ask you a question?" (often without even a preliminary "hello"). After many years of this, I know there is a very high chance that the next question will be, "How much did it cost?"

I was raised to think it is rude to discuss the details of large purchases, and would prefer not to answer. Is there a polite way to deflect the first question to avoid the second? Or must I continue to hope for those rare instances when the second question is, "Where did you find that lovely sun hat?"

GENTLE READER: Why not get ahead of it and ask the question for them?

A lengthy answer to the lovely sun hat question, or "How do we avoid getting seasick? Years of practice!" would do nicely. You and your husband could even make a game out of it by rotating your favorites.

Miss Manners suggests that whatever you choose, you engage such strangers so thoroughly that they forget their original rude question, or at least think better of asking it. If they do not take the cue and insist on asking the price, however, you may look confused and say, "Well, this is our home. So ..."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This (new) friend told me that she had a pair of shoes she could not use because the company sent the wrong size. She didn't send them back, but said I could have them if they fit.

Well, I went over to visit and she handed me the shoes. I said "thank you" and she said to try them on, so I did, and they fit fine.

But that's when she said, "You can pay me $50 for them when you get it." I had already said "thank you" and didn't know what to do, so I gave her $20 I had with me and then left. I had just bought a pair of good walking shoes that my doctor wanted me to get.

Now she is telling some of my other friends that I am trying to get out of paying for the shoes. I have tried to tell her that I will return them, but it goes in one ear and out the other. I am not sure what else I can do.

GENTLE READER: Have you tried actually returning them?

If not, Miss Manners suggests that you do so promptly, telling your new friend, "Thank you, but I think I misunderstood the offer and don't, in fact, need these shoes after all. I recently bought a pair that my doctor recommended, so I think I'd better stick with those."

And if in the future, this friend offers you another pair of anything, you might want to check the terms and conditions before accepting.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a digestive issue that requires me to make certain accommodations to avoid a lot of unpleasantness for days to come. At meals, I restrict myself to small portions, and can't even think about rich desserts. I also feel much more comfortable in loose clothing.

The problem developed during the pandemic. Now that I am back to seeing some people, I find they can't refrain from annoying comments on my eating habits and clothing choices.

As you can imagine, they assume I'm trying to maintain my weight (I'd actually like to gain some back) and say things like, "Oh, you can afford it" or "One bite won't kill you."

Regarding clothing, unable to look at one more pair of sweats or yoga pants, I often wear dresses. Neighbors ask why I'm so "dressed up." The hostess at the first gathering I'd attended in two years actually implied I was overdressed and making others uncomfortable.

I'd love to indulge in a great meal or fantastic dessert or wear my skinny jeans again, but the aftermath just isn't worth it. (Why skinny jeans you have to slither into are considered more laid-back than a dress you pull over your head is beyond me, but that's another story.)

I especially hate to demur when a guest brings a great dessert, but I must. I don't think I owe these people a detailed medical history, but simply referring to a "medical issue" can make it sound too serious.

GENTLE READER: It seems to be a universally accepted truth that all people really want to do is indulge in fattening foods while wearing sweatpants. And that anyone who claims otherwise is only in need of coercion or bullying in order to succumb.

Insisting that they give in to the temptation is doing no one's powder rooms any favors.

If you do not wish to oblige them by making yourself sick, you must stand firm. A repeated "No, thank you" will do -- or, if you feel you must, "I'm afraid that I simply cannot, but I am happy to live vicariously through you. It looks delicious."

And jeans, while pleasant for some, are like sausage casings for others. A good high-necked dress or a suit and tie may be genuinely more comfortable. (Miss Manners has more than one gentleman friend who prefers to wear the latter while aboard an airplane -- or even while taking a nap.)

She therefore suggests that you gently counter-shame these narrow-minded comfort-seekers: "On the contrary, my intention was not to make others uncomfortable, but to be comfortable myself. Surely you are not in the habit of defining that for others."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always felt that people who invite others to attend an event, knowing they can't attend because they live far away in another state, are just asking for a gift in their absence. Thoughts on this?

GENTLE READER: Or -- and humor Miss Manners on this -- people just have friends who live in other states.

Granted, societal greed has reached epic proportions, but accepting the idea that invitations are issued only to extract presents is too cynical even for Miss Manners. She would ask, therefore, that you still try to assume the best, keeping in mind that attendance and present-giving are always optional.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)