DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother was emotionally, physically and mentally abusive. Plus, she knew about sexual abuse in the home as my siblings and I were growing up, and allowed it to continue.
She most probably suffered from borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder, although she consistently refused therapy. All of her children ran away from home at age 16, and most of us became quite successful in life.
I tried having some limited contact with her as an adult, but it was like beating my head against a wall. In my 40s, I "divorced" her, and didn't see her again until she was in a casket.
All the remaining siblings attended the funeral. We sat front and center. As people unrelated to the family began to eulogize her profusely, my sister started giggling ever so slightly. As the eulogies became more absurd, we all started laughing out loud (including her brother, my uncle).
We were in tears, from laughter, by the end of the service, and it was the most cathartic feeling I've ever experienced.
Rude? Quite. Real? Very. Best way to send her to her grave? Absolutely.
Afterwards, we popped champagne and rejoiced that we had survived her abuse, and that in spite of it, we had become kind, empathetic, educated and successful adults.
My advice to others in this situation would be: Go to your mother's funeral, if you like -- you may find peace because you outlived her and survived. But the other option is equally valid: Don't go, if you like. No one will judge you, because the people who REALLY knew her also knew her true character.
GENTLE READER: It will no doubt be a comfort to you that it sounds like your mother would have approved of your behavior.