DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I have a friend who often hosts gatherings at her home with an eclectic mix of people, including her next-door neighbors. They are nice people, but my wife and I have only ever had lukewarm, perfunctorily polite exchanges with them. It's just an "oil and water" personality dynamic -- cordial at best. The feelings appear mutual.

They have a young son the same age as ours, and the boys have hit it off at these gatherings more than us parents have. Our son was invited to spend the night and attend an amusement park the next day with this boy and his parents. He was excited, and our mutual friend enthusiastically facilitated these plans, so we agreed. Our son spent the night, and we sent money to cover park admission and any meals the following day.

When it came time for me to pick up our son the next evening, it was explained that the park plans fell through and the boys instead had fun at a local shopping center and spent the rest of the time playing at home. Funds used were minimal (one fast-food meal and a modest toy purchase).

When I politely asked the father about the leftover money, he was visibly taken aback. He explained that his wife had the cash we'd sent (she was out running errands), but that he could write a check. I replied that that was fine.

His demeanor conveyed irritation and inconvenience. In a decidedly less cordial tone from mine, he then itemized the amount of money my son had spent. And of course I said, "No problem at all; please deduct it from the total." It was an icy and awkward exchange, for sure.

Was I wrong to request the balance of the funds be returned? We sent a considerable amount (around $100) with the expectation of a pricey outing that was changed without notifying us. The change in plans was fine, but we didn't feel it was appropriate for them to keep the remaining $60-$70 that was intended for the initial plans. Were the situation reversed, I certainly would have returned the money.

Should I have let it go for the sake of etiquette? Is there a monetary threshold or friendship level where this would be acceptable?

I am not a cheapskate and am always generous with established friends and their families. I just don't see giving a pass when these mere acquaintances changed the plans for a cheaper alternative and looked to pocket our son's "fun money."

GENTLE READER: Had you been better friends, you might have said that you would get the money later when the wife returned. But this transaction was clearly not top of mind for them.

Miss Manners assures you that your behavior was reasonable. Presumably you will be able to avoid such awkwardness as your son gets older and can be trusted to keep track of the money himself. If not, at least you will have an easier time tracking him down.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a gift from a family, and the attached card listed all the family members, including a child lost in infancy. I have also received gifts from widows signed "Mr. and Mrs."

I imagine this comforts the gift givers, but how does one address the thank-you note?

GENTLE READER: It is unseemly to sign correspondence on behalf of deceased relatives, but it is also unseemly to pick fights with the bereaved. Address your response to whoever wrote the letter, and make it so touching and considerate that nobody notices how it was addressed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hosted a small outdoor brunch for a group of ladies I often socialize with. I invited all of the usual group, including a woman I will call Nellie, who dislikes another woman in the group, whom I will call Tessie.

I let Nellie know that Tessie would be arriving for the latter portion of the party due to a work conflict. This meant that Nellie, who was adamant that she did not want to see Tessie, could still enjoy a majority of the event. I told her that I would understand if she left early.

When I suggested this amicable solution, I was met with an absolute tirade. Nellie called into question our very friendship, saying, "We all know that I'm not going to come if she'll be there, so I think the plan was always for me not to come."

I did my best to explain that I did not feel comfortable excluding anyone from the group, and that I was trying to accommodate both her and Tessie. I received a slew of texts in response, many of them with some choice language, insisting that I was being insensitive and that I was not Nellie's "real friend." She abruptly stated that our friendship was done and proceeded to block me from all her social media.

I thought her behavior was an overreaction. I have attended parties where people I dislike were also in attendance. I am cordial without being overly friendly, and I opt to talk with other people; I have never yelled at the host over the invitee list. Nor have I ever ended a friendship over that person having a friend I don't approve of.

I am honestly perplexed. Was there a better way to handle this situation? Is there an optimal way to proceed from here?

GENTLE READER: There is a common misperception that one rudeness justifies another -- which would be bad enough, were it not paired with the belief that anything someone else does that you do not like is rude.

Your former friend believes you were rude to her -- you were not -- and feels that this covers her violent reaction. The truth is that you were extremely accommodating, while she was extremely rude.

Miss Manners approves your conduct to date, and thinks the optimal outcome -- ridding yourself of this person -- has already been achieved.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A manager where I work has a young child. Since we have embraced teleworking, she regularly lets her kid interrupt our meetings. Her home office appears to be located in her kid's bedroom.

Now a co-worker has a new baby. In a recent meeting, we could hear both her baby and her MIL in the background. And she was hosting this meeting!

Children are usually not allowed in the workplace unless it is Bring Your Kids to Work Day. They are distracting and often disruptive. Everyone I have spoken to agrees this is inappropriate. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That all of the public pronouncements that the pandemic would finally force either employers or the government to enact rational policies to support working parents were empty words.

This is not to say that Miss Manners absolves working parents of making their best efforts to keep children out of meetings -- only that some understanding is required for occasional lapses.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude that I broke up with my boyfriend because I didn't like how he left his apartment a wreck? Germophobe here.

GENTLE READER: Rudeness is about how you behave, not how you think. So as long as you did not call him a slob on the way out the door, your conscience can be clear.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in need of some professional services for a home project. After contacting numerous companies, I eventually found someone at a well-respected firm who agreed to help me with my project.

After several interactions in which I received advice and consulting, I mentioned that I had not yet received an invoice for the work done to date. He said I would not be receiving an invoice (presumably because my project was so small) and that instead, I might make a donation to a cause of my choosing.

I'm fine with making a donation, and plan to do so. However, I'd prefer to make one to a cause of their liking, not mine. Via social and professional media, I found out what university this person attended, as well as the names of some professional organizations they belong to and some causes they are interested in.

Would it be appropriate for my contribution to go to one of those, or should it really be something of my choosing? Regardless of where my donation goes, would it be appropriate to make it in this person's name? Finally, should I let them know of my selection and the amount of the donation?

GENTLE READER: Your professional benefactor meant to be generous and gracious, so it saddens Miss Manners that his poorly thought-out assignment has become a burden. She does not believe that was his intent.

Write the professional an effusive thank-you note without reference to any donation. Then make a donation, or not, as you see fit. Your benefactor is not going to check that you completed his assignment.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)