DEAR MISS MANNERS: I always sent a Mother's Day card to my dear mother, who has since passed away. I also acknowledged any close motherly relatives.

My three children are grown with children of their own. However, my one daughter seems to think that I should give her a card, whereas I think her own children should have that filial duty when they are old enough to understand. (I am also of the opinion that the greeting card industry encourages extra card-sending for its own benefit.)

GENTLE READER: It was Miss Manners' own dear mother who declared Mother's Day to be a mistaken notion. "It implies that there are 364 days on which children do not have to show their love and appreciation for their mothers," she would say.

Yet she also taught kindness, which makes it difficult to oppose the spread of Mother's Day beyond mothers and mother-figures. But yes: It seems ridiculous and self-centered for a child to demand such acknowledgment from her mother.

Perhaps you can find a gentle way to point out that your daughter is going in the wrong direction: "You're not my mother, dear; I'm yours."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at a grocery where customers are constantly startling me or becoming angry at me. I have noticed that customers do not know how to make their presence known.

If they approach from out of my line of vision, many will tap my shoulder or grab my wrist, causing me to scream. Others come alongside me and begin talking. While I may hear them, I assume they are on their phone. It may take a few seconds for me to catch a couple of words that make me aware they need my help.

When I am on a ladder stocking upper shelves, customers knock into my ladder trying to squeeze a 19-inch cart through a 15-inch opening. Others prefer to reach under and around me to get to an item they want.

After I have screamed in surprise, I usually turn to them, smile and say, "Please let me know if am in your way. I will happily move."

Most of them say they did not want to bother me -- without realizing that scaring me is bothering me. A few try to blame me: "You shouldn't be doing that now."

Others look at me and say they didn't hit me with the cart. One time I was jostled hard enough that I had to grab the shelf in front of me, knocking boxes off. A box hit the customer on the shoulder and she told me I needed to be more careful.

I never raise my voice. I smile. On very rare occasions, I have looked at someone and said, "I am sorry for being so clumsy. I really do not want to find out how good my insurance coverage is."

GENTLE READER: You must be the only polite person to be found in a grocery store these days. Miss Manners keeps getting mail about altercations taking place in the aisles or checkout lines. The standard is so low that someone wanted credit for not hitting you with a cart.

Where is a peace-loving citizen supposed to get vittles in safety?

It is to be hoped that your customers are learning, one by one, from your screams and explanations. Miss Manners is sorry you have to put up with their thoughtlessness.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a gift for a friend whose birthday is coming up, I have offered a complimentary stay at a condo I own in a beautiful, remote area. I could also watch her child during the trip, as our kids are the same age. Alternatively, the gift could be an outing on our boat.

Today, unprompted, she suggested I get her a facial at her preferred provider in town. I was a bit taken aback, and thought perhaps I misheard her.

I could understand if we had been discussing possible gifts at the time, but the suggestion out of nowhere seems presumptuous. Thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Yes, it is presumptuous. But we have developed a culture of allowing people to choose their own presents. Gift registries are so common now that the very idea of deferring to the donors' ideas is deemed naive.

What if you are given something you don't particularly want? Worse -- what if you therefore missed the opportunity to get other people to buy you what you do want? Miss Manners finds this attitude toward the expected generosity of others to be unseemly, but it is the premise on which your friend's suggestion is based.

In all fairness, your offer of the condominium would involve extensive planning on her part. She could have thanked you and said that unfortunately, it was not possible for her to get away to enjoy your kind offer. Then you could have made another suggestion, or even asked her what she might like.

Instead, she took it upon herself to assume your function of deciding what to give her.

Does anyone stop to think how callous and pointless all this makes the entire concept of giving and receiving presents?

Cynics sneer at the adage, "It's the thought that counts," thinking it hypocritical, when what really counts is getting stuff for free. Or better yet, eliminating the danger of disappointment (to the recipient) and the nuisance of thinking (to the giver) entirely by substituting money for objects.

Thoughtfulness is flattering because it means that someone has noticed what you like, and cares to indulge you. When it works, it is a thrill to receive something wonderful that you may not have known you wanted -- from someone you realize really understands you.

Granted, that may be rare. Those with good intentions may misjudge or not know the recipient well enough. Those with indifferent intentions find it easier to be told how to pay what they seem to owe.

That is why we allow a system of hinting and checking with third parties. But if people are going to outright choose their own presents, they might as well do their own shopping with the time and money they might have spent meeting the demands of others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My teenage son blows his nose, loudly, in the shower. I maintain that it's gross, and say he should use a tissue either before or after his shower. My husband says there's nothing wrong with it.

I don't want my son to unintentionally disgust others. What is your ruling on this?

GENTLE READER: That you should not be hanging around the bathroom while your teenaged son is taking a shower. Nor speculating about who might someday shower with him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a voice-enabled speaker, and for the most part, it is a useful delight throughout the day. But I do have one gripe, to which I cannot find a resolution.

It used to be that when the timer alert went off, I could say "thank you" and hear some variant of "you're welcome" in return, and then the alert would stop. Now I still hear the "you're welcome," but the alert continues.

I have searched for a solution online and found nothing. It feels so much less polite, not to mention less friendly, that I must say "Stop."

I realize that you are not tech support. But can you please help?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners shares your frustration, she remains conflicted about the need to be polite to robots (she feels no remorse about hanging up on them, for example).

But she agrees that when it is one's constant companion -- and particularly in the presence of children -- such devices should be treated with civility. She therefore adds her hope that the people in charge of programming these things can find more polite ways for us to converse. And while they're at it, perhaps they can find a more polite way of getting a device's attention than yelling "Hey!"

In the meantime, you can always add a "please" to your "stop."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to lick your fingers while eating fried chicken in public?

GENTLE READER: Only if you are endorsing it on television.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend asked me to drive her across town to a medical appointment. I did not say no, but told her I really don't like to drive across town, especially through downtown. She got mad and said she would ask a neighbor.

She has held a grudge for months now, and several times she has mentioned that she's buying something for someone who helped her out. She comments on "what good friends she has" who will "do anything for her."

I feel this is a dig at me. The other day, she said, "I won't ever ask you to do anything again because you told me no." We then had an argument and are no longer speaking. Am I wrong? Should I apologize?

GENTLE READER: It is likely not the fact that you said no, but the casual manner with which you effectively said "I don't feel like it" that your friend found so offensive.

Miss Manners is not encouraging you to lie, only that it is unnecessary to disclose the entire insulting truth. She wishes that she could persuade her Gentle Readers to stop "just being honest" and to start using the phrase, "I am afraid that I can't." Unnecessarily hurt feelings are so often the result of the former.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often eat at restaurants alone, and I enjoy the solitude. However, strangers at a nearby table will often start conversations with me, wanting to keep talking throughout my entire meal. Is there a polite way to tell them I'm not interested in chit-chatting with them?

GENTLE READER: Bring a book, which has a heavier presence than a telephone. And then when you are ready to end the conversation, smile and say that you must get back to it. Even, Miss Manners suggests, if its pages are blank.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)