DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I are planning a mini wedding this spring with just my parents, my brother and his kids, and our two best friends. This is for two reasons: 1. With the continuing uncertainty of COVID, we don't want to have a big gathering requiring lots of travel (most of my family lives scattered across the country). 2. Neither of us is honestly that interested in planning and partaking in a big, more traditional wedding.

What etiquette is involved with announcing this to extended family and other friends? Should we say it before or after the wedding? Who, if anyone, should be informed personally? Do we send out cards? Just post it on social media and be done? What is a polite wording so no one feels left out?

We might have a celebratory party for an anniversary in the future, when COVID is solidly wrapped up (if it ever is).

It's not quite an elopement, but close. What are the manners for eloping?

GENTLE READER: The rule about elopements is to do it first and announce it afterwards. But there is never a call to tell people that you are planning a celebration to which you are not inviting them, with the unwritten implication, "So there!"

What you are planning should be described to anyone else aware of it as "a private wedding with just the immediate family." Miss Manners need hardly warn you not to post pictures that would belie this description.

You can then send formal announcements, if you wish, but that will not solace relatives who feel excluded. To them, personal letters, explaining the circumstances and declaring that you missed them, should help.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I frequently play duplicate bridge with other members of the local senior center. At such games, we frequently get the exhortation from other players, or from the "director" of the game, to "play faster."

When I hear such comments, I usually respond with something like, "I want to ask if you have a plane to catch or something, but that would be rude, so I won't."

Is there some other way I can express my lack of appreciation for the original command? "I didn't know we were in a hurry" occurs to me. This is supposed to be a leisure-time activity, after all.

GENTLE READER: Sure, but the many others involved don't know what to do with their fragments of leisure while waiting for the next round. Snapping back, however cleverly, is only going to make you seem like more of a nuisance.

However, Miss Manners suspects that modified pathos would work: "I do seem to need some extra time, and I'm sorry to hold everyone up. Is it all right if I still play?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When squeezing into a theater row, is it better to put your butt towards the people you are squeezing past, or to awkwardly look them in the eye?

GENTLE READER: That's the problem -- you would be looking them too closely in the eyes. Miss Manners agrees that the backward approach seems unseemly, even though you will turn your head occasionally to say "Excuse me." So think of it as facing the stage.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like to point out something that happens quite frequently to me, and to other people I have seen, with hurtful results.

I was often told by family members and acquaintances that I bore a striking resemblance to a famous actor. Unfortunately, this is an actor who is not known for being handsome, but rather odd-looking and decidedly unattractive. No one ever stopped to think that this was boorish and thoughtless. Eventually, I drastically changed my hairstyle and grew facial hair in an attempt to change my appearance.

Now, the remarks I get from total strangers -- most recently waitstaff at an upscale eatery -- are that I bear a striking resemblance to another very famous film personality ... again, someone known for being odd-looking and unattractive.

In the past, I have only mentioned to people that they bore a resemblance to a famous person when the celebrity in question was generally acknowledged as physically attractive -- and also that the person I was complimenting needed a self-esteem boost. I would never tell anyone that they resembled someone who was widely known for their lack of physical attributes.

When it (still) happens, I just laugh and say, "Yes, that's not the first time I've heard that," but I don't feel like laughing. How can the hurtfulness of such a social indiscretion not be obvious to the maker?

GENTLE READER: Ever heard the phrase, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"?

Your friends may find the actors you resemble to be handsome -- and the celebrities to whom you have compared other friends, maybe not so much.

How about, instead, we all stop making comparisons and commenting on people's looks altogether? It only gets one in trouble. Unless someone would like to assert that Miss Manners resembles Olympe de Gouges. In which case, she graciously accepts the compliment.

Go look it up.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a colleague who continues to forget my name and who I am, especially when we are in a large group situation. At a conference, he will say to me, "I don't think we've met; who are you?", even though we've met several times before.

Not wanting to be rude, I respond, "I'm sorry, my name is ..." to his smug face. Other colleagues have warned me that he uses this ploy on them, as well, for his self-amusement and to appear superior. It's as if to say, "You didn't leave much of an impression on me the last time we met."

I know Miss Manners disapproves of responding to rudeness with rudeness, but does she have any suggestion on how to handle this situation?

GENTLE READER: Since he clearly enjoys amusement, Miss Manners suggests that you indulge him: "Oh Kevin, you trickster. It's me, Pradeep. The one whose office is right next to yours?" Then add, to the others nearby, "I just hope he doesn't pull that with our clients, or we'll all be in trouble!"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I enjoy meeting new people and making new friends, whether it's at a party or at work. I'd like to think that I'm good at picking up on social cues and knowing when someone is enjoying socializing with me (as opposed to just being nice or cordial).

So how do adults ask, "Can we stay in touch and hang out sometime?" without sounding like they are hitting on you or asking you out on a date? I feel awkward asking people for their phone number, email, or even their social media info due to previous social faux pas.

This wasn't really an issue during my college years. But it's happened at least twice in the past three years that a person I befriended thought I was romantically interested in them, as opposed to just wanting to be friends. I'm friendly and enthusiastic, but I don't consider myself a flirt.

What are the proper manners for pursuing adult friendships?

GENTLE READER: Group settings tend to be much more conducive to putting acquaintances at ease than one-on-ones -- which do lend themselves to more intimate implications.

"I am having a get together/outing/party and I would love for you to come" is a way to ease into a new friendship. Then, if you get a dubious look, Miss Manners suggests that you add reassurance by saying, "Of course, if you have a partner, bring that person, too."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law has a habit of inviting me to expensive outings when we visit her, and then leaving me the bill.

She has taken me to her exclusive salon to have her hairdresser trim and style my hair, which cost well over $100. She's also "given me" (by setting up the appointment) a massage, which cost me another hundred and tip. Then she wanted to take me bra shopping, to which I passed, because I knew it'd be $200+ to get out of there.

I really enjoyed the trip to her salon, but would never go there on my own (same for the massage). She insisted on bringing me there, so shouldn't she pay the bill? Whenever I have invited her to my salon, I have paid for both of us. I really can't afford her type of outings.

GENTLE READER: Then do not accept. Now that you know the game, Miss Manners suggests that you avoid such outings, countering with a more reasonable one of your own, or offering to meet up afterwards.

"Oh, you know, I just went for a haircut/massage/manicure/bra-shopping/wrinkle-reducing excursion back at home. But you go ahead and enjoy yourself, and perhaps we can meet up later for lunch." Suggesting the restaurant and making it clear that you will pay would also be a good idea -- just so that you do not receive any further expensive, confusing or misleading invitations.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)