DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like to point out something that happens quite frequently to me, and to other people I have seen, with hurtful results.

I was often told by family members and acquaintances that I bore a striking resemblance to a famous actor. Unfortunately, this is an actor who is not known for being handsome, but rather odd-looking and decidedly unattractive. No one ever stopped to think that this was boorish and thoughtless. Eventually, I drastically changed my hairstyle and grew facial hair in an attempt to change my appearance.

Now, the remarks I get from total strangers -- most recently waitstaff at an upscale eatery -- are that I bear a striking resemblance to another very famous film personality ... again, someone known for being odd-looking and unattractive.

In the past, I have only mentioned to people that they bore a resemblance to a famous person when the celebrity in question was generally acknowledged as physically attractive -- and also that the person I was complimenting needed a self-esteem boost. I would never tell anyone that they resembled someone who was widely known for their lack of physical attributes.

When it (still) happens, I just laugh and say, "Yes, that's not the first time I've heard that," but I don't feel like laughing. How can the hurtfulness of such a social indiscretion not be obvious to the maker?

GENTLE READER: Ever heard the phrase, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"?

Your friends may find the actors you resemble to be handsome -- and the celebrities to whom you have compared other friends, maybe not so much.

How about, instead, we all stop making comparisons and commenting on people's looks altogether? It only gets one in trouble. Unless someone would like to assert that Miss Manners resembles Olympe de Gouges. In which case, she graciously accepts the compliment.

Go look it up.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a colleague who continues to forget my name and who I am, especially when we are in a large group situation. At a conference, he will say to me, "I don't think we've met; who are you?", even though we've met several times before.

Not wanting to be rude, I respond, "I'm sorry, my name is ..." to his smug face. Other colleagues have warned me that he uses this ploy on them, as well, for his self-amusement and to appear superior. It's as if to say, "You didn't leave much of an impression on me the last time we met."

I know Miss Manners disapproves of responding to rudeness with rudeness, but does she have any suggestion on how to handle this situation?

GENTLE READER: Since he clearly enjoys amusement, Miss Manners suggests that you indulge him: "Oh Kevin, you trickster. It's me, Pradeep. The one whose office is right next to yours?" Then add, to the others nearby, "I just hope he doesn't pull that with our clients, or we'll all be in trouble!"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I enjoy meeting new people and making new friends, whether it's at a party or at work. I'd like to think that I'm good at picking up on social cues and knowing when someone is enjoying socializing with me (as opposed to just being nice or cordial).

So how do adults ask, "Can we stay in touch and hang out sometime?" without sounding like they are hitting on you or asking you out on a date? I feel awkward asking people for their phone number, email, or even their social media info due to previous social faux pas.

This wasn't really an issue during my college years. But it's happened at least twice in the past three years that a person I befriended thought I was romantically interested in them, as opposed to just wanting to be friends. I'm friendly and enthusiastic, but I don't consider myself a flirt.

What are the proper manners for pursuing adult friendships?

GENTLE READER: Group settings tend to be much more conducive to putting acquaintances at ease than one-on-ones -- which do lend themselves to more intimate implications.

"I am having a get together/outing/party and I would love for you to come" is a way to ease into a new friendship. Then, if you get a dubious look, Miss Manners suggests that you add reassurance by saying, "Of course, if you have a partner, bring that person, too."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law has a habit of inviting me to expensive outings when we visit her, and then leaving me the bill.

She has taken me to her exclusive salon to have her hairdresser trim and style my hair, which cost well over $100. She's also "given me" (by setting up the appointment) a massage, which cost me another hundred and tip. Then she wanted to take me bra shopping, to which I passed, because I knew it'd be $200+ to get out of there.

I really enjoyed the trip to her salon, but would never go there on my own (same for the massage). She insisted on bringing me there, so shouldn't she pay the bill? Whenever I have invited her to my salon, I have paid for both of us. I really can't afford her type of outings.

GENTLE READER: Then do not accept. Now that you know the game, Miss Manners suggests that you avoid such outings, countering with a more reasonable one of your own, or offering to meet up afterwards.

"Oh, you know, I just went for a haircut/massage/manicure/bra-shopping/wrinkle-reducing excursion back at home. But you go ahead and enjoy yourself, and perhaps we can meet up later for lunch." Suggesting the restaurant and making it clear that you will pay would also be a good idea -- just so that you do not receive any further expensive, confusing or misleading invitations.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two of my adult nieces (in their 30s) stayed at my home with me for a weekend. After they left, I discovered that a remote control had been broken and that there were coffee stains on my couch, in my car, and on blankets in the guest room.

Accidents happen, but I would have preferred knowing about these so I could have addressed them in a timely manner. Am I overreacting?

GENTLE READER: You are not overreacting, but would you not also like to know what to do about it? (Not asking seems to Miss Manners like confessing to soiling the couch but not offering to help make it right: a half-completed task.)

You cannot ask if your guest broke something, but you can say you had not realized the remote was broken and apologize for not having provided a working one. This will tell your nieces that you noticed, while also testing their reliability as future guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend wrote to express her hurt and puzzlement when we neglected to call and visit her while seeing other friends and relations in her state. She demanded to know how this could have happened.

Some background: For the past few years, we have been reluctant to spend time alone with this couple. In a larger group it is OK, but they tend to treat us (and everyone else) as though we had just fallen from the turnip truck. We are subjected to lectures on all manner of things about which they believe themselves to be experts.

After our trip, I explained that we could not fit them into our busy schedule this time. She seemed to accept that, but then went on to reveal that what she really wanted to know was whether something had upset us and caused us to rethink our longtime friendship.

I am unsure how to respond to the question, or whether to leave it to fester. Is there a polite way to get out of this dilemma?

GENTLE READER: You have been doing the polite thing, which is to have limited availability, so that you are not driven to confess that you are tired of your friends' insulting demeanor. Keep at it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece is getting married in a couple of months. All four of my sisters (two from out of state) and my mother will likely attend.

My girlfriend and I are thinking about marriage. It will be the third time for each of us. We want a small, no-frills wedding.

Would it be appropriate to marry the day after my niece's wedding? I don't want to steal her spotlight, but would like to take advantage of everyone being there.

GENTLE READER: It is not Miss Manners whom you have to convince, but your niece. She has a legitimate claim to have been there first, so for the sake of peace in the family, her support needs to be, if not entirely genuine, at least convincing. This means no leading questions or statements of the "Why are you making such a fuss? Your mother thinks it's a great idea!" variety.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)