DEAR MISS MANNERS: I enjoy meeting new people and making new friends, whether it's at a party or at work. I'd like to think that I'm good at picking up on social cues and knowing when someone is enjoying socializing with me (as opposed to just being nice or cordial).

So how do adults ask, "Can we stay in touch and hang out sometime?" without sounding like they are hitting on you or asking you out on a date? I feel awkward asking people for their phone number, email, or even their social media info due to previous social faux pas.

This wasn't really an issue during my college years. But it's happened at least twice in the past three years that a person I befriended thought I was romantically interested in them, as opposed to just wanting to be friends. I'm friendly and enthusiastic, but I don't consider myself a flirt.

What are the proper manners for pursuing adult friendships?

GENTLE READER: Group settings tend to be much more conducive to putting acquaintances at ease than one-on-ones -- which do lend themselves to more intimate implications.

"I am having a get together/outing/party and I would love for you to come" is a way to ease into a new friendship. Then, if you get a dubious look, Miss Manners suggests that you add reassurance by saying, "Of course, if you have a partner, bring that person, too."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law has a habit of inviting me to expensive outings when we visit her, and then leaving me the bill.

She has taken me to her exclusive salon to have her hairdresser trim and style my hair, which cost well over $100. She's also "given me" (by setting up the appointment) a massage, which cost me another hundred and tip. Then she wanted to take me bra shopping, to which I passed, because I knew it'd be $200+ to get out of there.

I really enjoyed the trip to her salon, but would never go there on my own (same for the massage). She insisted on bringing me there, so shouldn't she pay the bill? Whenever I have invited her to my salon, I have paid for both of us. I really can't afford her type of outings.

GENTLE READER: Then do not accept. Now that you know the game, Miss Manners suggests that you avoid such outings, countering with a more reasonable one of your own, or offering to meet up afterwards.

"Oh, you know, I just went for a haircut/massage/manicure/bra-shopping/wrinkle-reducing excursion back at home. But you go ahead and enjoy yourself, and perhaps we can meet up later for lunch." Suggesting the restaurant and making it clear that you will pay would also be a good idea -- just so that you do not receive any further expensive, confusing or misleading invitations.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two of my adult nieces (in their 30s) stayed at my home with me for a weekend. After they left, I discovered that a remote control had been broken and that there were coffee stains on my couch, in my car, and on blankets in the guest room.

Accidents happen, but I would have preferred knowing about these so I could have addressed them in a timely manner. Am I overreacting?

GENTLE READER: You are not overreacting, but would you not also like to know what to do about it? (Not asking seems to Miss Manners like confessing to soiling the couch but not offering to help make it right: a half-completed task.)

You cannot ask if your guest broke something, but you can say you had not realized the remote was broken and apologize for not having provided a working one. This will tell your nieces that you noticed, while also testing their reliability as future guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend wrote to express her hurt and puzzlement when we neglected to call and visit her while seeing other friends and relations in her state. She demanded to know how this could have happened.

Some background: For the past few years, we have been reluctant to spend time alone with this couple. In a larger group it is OK, but they tend to treat us (and everyone else) as though we had just fallen from the turnip truck. We are subjected to lectures on all manner of things about which they believe themselves to be experts.

After our trip, I explained that we could not fit them into our busy schedule this time. She seemed to accept that, but then went on to reveal that what she really wanted to know was whether something had upset us and caused us to rethink our longtime friendship.

I am unsure how to respond to the question, or whether to leave it to fester. Is there a polite way to get out of this dilemma?

GENTLE READER: You have been doing the polite thing, which is to have limited availability, so that you are not driven to confess that you are tired of your friends' insulting demeanor. Keep at it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece is getting married in a couple of months. All four of my sisters (two from out of state) and my mother will likely attend.

My girlfriend and I are thinking about marriage. It will be the third time for each of us. We want a small, no-frills wedding.

Would it be appropriate to marry the day after my niece's wedding? I don't want to steal her spotlight, but would like to take advantage of everyone being there.

GENTLE READER: It is not Miss Manners whom you have to convince, but your niece. She has a legitimate claim to have been there first, so for the sake of peace in the family, her support needs to be, if not entirely genuine, at least convincing. This means no leading questions or statements of the "Why are you making such a fuss? Your mother thinks it's a great idea!" variety.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love using online chats for business questions. It's quicker than email and better than sitting on hold forever, plus I have a transcript of what was said.

However, ending the chat is confusing. They are taught to write things like, "Anything else I could help you with?" or "Have a good day." The former requires a response, and the second might. Do you end the chat, or let them? If you end it, what is a polite but unequivocal way of saying, "I'm signing off now"?

GENTLE READER: The lack of a comfortable rhythm for ending chat sessions has been noticed by Miss Manners as well, but the basic rules have not changed.

As you are the customer, it is up to you to confirm that the reason for your call has been addressed. "No, thank you. Goodbye" is an adequate response to the first option, and "Thank you, goodbye" to the second. You will, however, have to have the courage of your convictions by then signing off.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been putting off going to the dentist because I know the hygienist who cleans teeth does nothing but talk about her personal life the whole time you're stuck there.

I know it sounds mean, but I don't want to hear it. Lots of people just blab on about personal things to me, but this is a medical office. She even said one time that she loves that about her job -- all the talking. Ugh.

GENTLE READER: Your reasonable desire not to be treated as a captive audience by the hygienist is a good topic for discussion with your dentist. But Miss Manners recommends you not have that conversation while you are in the dental chair: The doctor, although limiting conversation to "You can spit now," may infer that your complaint is not really about the hygienist.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, I've traveled around the country and have noticed that the names of certain cities are pronounced differently by the locals than outsiders. For instance, Baltimore becomes "Ball Meer" and New Orleans is "Nor Leens."

I'm never certain which pronunciation I should use. If I try the localized version, then I sound overly familiar and affected -- yet, if I pronounce the name as I would normally, I feel that I'm disrespecting local customs. What's the proper thing to do?

GENTLE READER: Adopting local pronunciations is more likely to go wrong than right. You are unlikely to satisfy a native ear, and might even give offense: either for how you get it wrong, or for pretending to be something you are not (native to the region). On the bright side, Miss Manners assures you that whatever you do, you will be honoring the local custom of embarrassing the tourist.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper to choose a restaurant that you like, rather than asking the friend her preference?

GENTLE READER: Why can't you do both? Assuming, of course, that you wish to see her again.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)