DEAR MISS MANNERS: I came out of work in a heavy rainstorm. As I walked to my car, a man who works at the same place, but whom I barely know, came up behind me, put his hand on my umbrella and pulled it toward him. At that point it was half on me and half on him.

I wanted to tell him off or pull it away from him, but since he works near me, all I said was that I was getting soaked. He ignored me and did not take his hand off the umbrella. We walked all the way to the cars and I was pretty much drenched.

Miss Manners, am I obligated to let someone share my umbrella? If not, what should I have done or said?

GENTLE READER: Under normal circumstances, it is a kind gesture to share one's umbrella with acquaintances who would otherwise be drenched. The general rule is that the taller person holds it, giving coverage priority to the owner.

However, Miss Manners is afraid that what this man did was not only presumptuous, but also somewhat menacing. Startling people by taking even partial possession of their belongings is normally considered illegal, and at the very least, it is certainly not civil.

Not wanting to reward this man, but feeling the need to emphasize the point, Miss Manners suggests that you bring him a present: his own cheap umbrella. The accompanying message could be, "So that we don't both get soaked next time, perhaps you would like to keep this at work." She would understand if you chose to leave this as a note, however, rather than say it in person.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My ex-husband's niece just got married a few weeks back, and I sent her a wedding present. Nothing large, but with sincere congratulations for the couple's future happiness.

My ex and I get along well -- we were married a long time and parted on good terms -- but it seems his family doesn't feel the same way. The gift was returned and there was a credit back on my card.

This isn't the first instance of his family being less than friendly. It is becoming a problem for me, and limiting any chance of having future events for our two children that are not filled with tension -- which is what I don't want to happen. How do I handle this?

GENTLE READER: Write the niece a letter saying that you are sorry that the present did not agree with her, but that it was sent with the best intentions. You further hope that the family -- and her cousins -- will be able to get along well at the next gathering.

Miss Manners finds it just as likely that the bride was offended at the present not coming from her registry as its being from you. That is rude and not much comfort, but at least it is less personal.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have two good friends that I've recently decided not to dine in restaurants with. Why? They insist on making multiple changes to anything they order. They even order dishes that aren't on the menu, and often send food back. Neither has allergies, just pickiness and limited palates.

I read that requesting more than one change to a dish is just rude, and I highly agree. Why even eat out? Make it your way at home. If you're dining out, go out on the edge and try it the way the chef makes it.

One friend thinks that because the staff knows him, he's well-liked. I think they cringe when he comes in and curse him in the kitchen. What do you have to say about picky people in restaurants?

GENTLE READER: Even one requested change might be too many if there was no demonstrable difference between what the restaurant claimed to be offering -- hot food, for example -- and what was served. And your friend would not like to know what the staff really thinks.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend Henrietta, a bit of a snob, doesn't own a car and often requests a ride into town. This is fine, but she always has me drop her a few blocks from our main square, saying she "could use a bit of a walk."

She does this even when it's raining, and it sometimes involves an awkward stop on busy roads. I've learned that she doesn't do this with her more upscale friends, and I suspect she doesn't want to be seen with me or alighting from my old economy car. I confess I'm a little hurt and am wanting to confront her on this.

GENTLE READER: Fulfilling as it would be to change your friend's behavior, confronting her about it is unlikely to accomplish more than embarrassing both of you. If you really want to get even, Miss Manners recommends you continue to oblige her requests to be dropped off in the rain, which will leave her cold and wet -- ample punishment for her crime.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I had a friend visiting my place for the first time, I met him outside in the parking area to walk him in. A neighbor with whom I often chat was outside, and said, "Hi, David, who's your friend?"

Well, none of her business, basically. If I had wanted to go through introductions, I would have offered.

Is it rude not to introduce someone in all such circumstances? And if so, then how do you avoid the detour into too much talking and further questioning?

Added to this is the fact that any information shared would likely be grist for idle gossip among more neighbors. How do you maintain a friendly distance and indicate one's preference for privacy?

GENTLE READER: As there is no polite way to refuse the requested introduction, just keep it brisk: "Jason, Evelyn. Evelyn, Jason. I would love to catch up later, but my apologies -- right now we have someone waiting for us."

Miss Manners is out of breath just saying it, and she was not simultaneously having to keep Jason in motion towards the door without turning her back on Evelyn.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A couple who recently assumed a leadership role at my church announced that they wanted to become better acquainted with the families of the congregation. They scheduled 30-minute chats with individual families before and after church services.

They interviewed my husband and me using a prepared script of six pages, which included questions about our marriage, our psychological states and our disabled adult child. We replied truthfully to their questions.

I felt almost as if I had gone to a physician's office and undergone an unwarranted exam, in which we were judged, graded or evaluated. I also felt deceived since I was expecting a conversation, not a one-sided, in-depth interview.

This couple used their church status to obtain information that wasn't their business. My relationship with my husband doesn't involve them. My adult child's activities are not their concern, and neither is my mental state.

The wife now approaches me after services and tries to converse about my interests or activities that were revealed during the interview. I am polite, but distant. I don't want to make an enemy of this person.

How do I make her understand that I would prefer her to leave me alone? I am not angry with her, but I do not care to have these conversations.

GENTLE READER: If you will forgive Miss Manners for contradicting you, you are angry at having been interrogated -- and understandably so. But as you willingly cooperated up to this point, the couple is going to be perplexed if you give them the cold shoulder now.

You are left with two alternatives. The first: Each time you are approached, you can apologize and explain that you cannot talk now. This is less combative, but requires you to be always on the run. The second option is to write a letter -- to the couple or someone higher in the church hierarchy -- clarifying that since the interview was both more formal and more personal than you had expected, you trust that any information shared will be held in the strictest confidence -- like any other intimate information revealed to church personnel.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been married many years and have two grown children. If we all go out to dinner together, we pay most of the time. The kids always make a point of saying "Thanks, DAD."

If I cook a meal at home for the family, I may or may not receive a "thank you" from these same adult children. What gives, and should I say something about it?

GENTLE READER: It is worth allowing for the possibility that they are saying, "Thanks, Dad" rather than "Thanks, DAD."

The former could be unthinking habit, perhaps because your husband is the one physically making the payment. And thanks for cooking more often takes the form of a compliment on the results.

Miss Manners does not therefore approve the status quo. Gratitude is due for both activities. Teaching your children this lesson does not fall solely to you as their mother, but it does land on either you or your husband.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)