DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my bachelorette party, two of my bridesmaids left after about an hour to go to a different party. My best friend and maid of honor had planned a fantastic party with EVERYTHING you can imagine that would be at a bachelorette party, and they missed 99% of it.

I chose to ignore it because I wanted to have fun, but my future spouse is telling me to cut them from the wedding or at least tell them it was a terrible thing to do.

They already paid for their dresses, and they did contribute to the bachelorette party expenses, so I can't cut them out, but how am I supposed to address something like this? I'm at a complete loss!

GENTLE READER: Was your bachelorette party 100 hours long? Miss Manners is no mathematician, but your letter indicates so. If your friends were unaware that they were spending a long weekend partying with you, she can hardly blame them for getting out while they could.

More importantly, though, she cautions against your thinking that this is a contractual obligation -- as indicated by their having paid for all of the things involved. Perhaps this is another reason they felt that they had fulfilled their duties, however minimal. They thought of it as a transaction, rather than an expression of friendship.

While it is unfortunate that your friends left early -- and certainly rude that they double-booked themselves -- there is no reasonable punishment to be served here, other than expressing your disappointment: "I was so sad that you left early and missed the all-night paintball scavenger hunt and hot-pepper tasting. We really missed you."

If you are feeling bold and fear otherwise, you might gingerly add, "I hope that you will be able to stay for the whole wedding. I do so want you there."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When eating at an expensive restaurant for dinner, we were seated next to a table of 10, including two children under the age of 6. During the three hours of dinner, the children were crawling under the table, screaming, climbing on the chairs and the back of the banquette.

None of the adults were making an effort to keep them quiet or occupied. They were so noisy, it was difficult to carry on a conversation. There wasn't an option of moving to another table.

What could have been done? I didn't feel that a suggestion from me would have helped or been met kindly, and the waitstaff shouldn't have to interfere, as they are depending on tips. The manager was on a different floor.

GENTLE READER: Surely you and the waitstaff were concerned for these children's safety. Crawling across the furniture and under the tables will likely damage their little heads. Miss Manners suggests that you express this fear to the family -- or call upon the servers to do it for you -- leaving out the part about similarly damaging your adult-sized ears.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been living with two other people in a three-bedroom, two-and-a-half-bath home for over a year now. "Carrie" has the main room and its bathroom. "Zach" has the half bath, but has to share the shower in my bathroom. We are all single and never have guests over.

One of the problems is that someone is using my toilet when I'm not home. Carrie and I have similar work schedules, whereas Zach works nights and is home alone a lot of the time. I have tried talking to both of them, and both claim that they don't use it.

I have no way to prove that my toilet is being used, other than seeing the pee or poop that is there when I try to use it. I have two cats, so I always put the lid down on my toilet because the cats like to sit there when I'm in the shower.

I don't know what to do at this point. There should be no reason for anyone other than myself to use my toilet. Carrie says to just flush it, and that I'm overreacting, but it's disgusting! I already have to put up with Zach's hair in the shower.

The second problem is the dirty dishes in the sink. I like to wash any dish as soon as I am done with it, while my roommates like to leave them in the sink until they feel like washing them. At times, it has been over a week before the dishes get any attention.

Carrie, in particular, likes to leave dishes in water to soak, but they start growing mold and it makes the house smell. I truly don't understand why they can't wash them or stick them in the dishwasher. Do you think it's a generational difference? I'm in my late 20s and they are both in their late 50s.

I really like living in this house, as do my cats and dog. They have so many accommodations that we were unable to have when we lived in apartments. Should I just give the house up and find my own place?

GENTLE READER: More likely it is the generational divide that is intimidating you from laying down roommate rules. You are sharing this house and its rent, so it should be amenable to everyone.

Sit everyone down and discuss how to divide the tasks at hand: dishes, showers, all of it. And if the game of "Who pooped in my toilet?" continues not to produce a culprit, Miss Manners suggests that you leave a sign that says, "Please flush after you finish" -- claiming that it's for pets and guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What should be expected if family members invite you to amateur sporting events? Might they provide water, snacks or other refreshments if you show presence of mind?

GENTLE READER: It depends. What kind of snack presence does your mind require?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other day on the train, I was standing when a gentleman with a cane came on and was clearly looking around for someone to give up their seat.

Unfortunately, most seated people were lost in their books, phones or tablets. I have been similarly caught up in my device in the past, only to feel bad later when I realized that someone needed the seat, which I would have happily given up if I had known. It's possible some other seat occupiers would have felt similarly.

Would it have been appropriate to tap a seated person on the shoulder to alert them?

GENTLE READER: If you do, prepare to be rebuffed -- if not by the seated patrons, then by the cane-wielding gentleman, who may rudely lecture you on your presumption in assuming that he is old, disabled or both.

It would be safer, Miss Manners advises, to find something that you can do yourself, and to suggest it in a tone that will be overheard by your fellow commuters. This can be an offer to hold any encumbering items -- though not, presumably, the cane.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend I've known for a few years who has a vacation home near ours. I've never been to her home in a nearby city, but we socialize when they are at their place here. I'd call it a casual friendship.

Her granddaughter was getting married and I received a shower invitation. I don't know her granddaughter, or even the girl's mother. I didn't really know what to do, but I did send a modest gift and that was it.

Then I got an invitation to the wedding. I broached the subject with my friend and explained to her that this felt awkward to me because I don't even know the parties involved. She said she wanted to include me because I was HER friend.

Is this appropriate? I actually felt guilty for not sending a wedding gift, and have been a little resentful that I was put in such an awkward position, but my friend clearly sees this another way.

Time has passed and now I have received a "save the date" for yet another grandchild's wedding! What do I do? I don't want to upset my friend, but I don't think I should be included in these events, since I have only a tenuous relationship to the people involved.

I don't want this to become an issue, but after being told how I felt the first time, it doesn't appear that she got the message. These are people of means, so it's not likely a grab for gifts. She seems to see this as a sign of my loyalty to her. HELP!

GENTLE READER: Since you have ruled out gift-farming, Miss Manners sees no reason not to take your friend at her word: She is including you because she wishes to be better friends.

If this is an imposition -- if you do not want the relationship to be more than casual -- then declining the next few invitations, and not reciprocating, will make your point.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)