DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other day on the train, I was standing when a gentleman with a cane came on and was clearly looking around for someone to give up their seat.

Unfortunately, most seated people were lost in their books, phones or tablets. I have been similarly caught up in my device in the past, only to feel bad later when I realized that someone needed the seat, which I would have happily given up if I had known. It's possible some other seat occupiers would have felt similarly.

Would it have been appropriate to tap a seated person on the shoulder to alert them?

GENTLE READER: If you do, prepare to be rebuffed -- if not by the seated patrons, then by the cane-wielding gentleman, who may rudely lecture you on your presumption in assuming that he is old, disabled or both.

It would be safer, Miss Manners advises, to find something that you can do yourself, and to suggest it in a tone that will be overheard by your fellow commuters. This can be an offer to hold any encumbering items -- though not, presumably, the cane.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend I've known for a few years who has a vacation home near ours. I've never been to her home in a nearby city, but we socialize when they are at their place here. I'd call it a casual friendship.

Her granddaughter was getting married and I received a shower invitation. I don't know her granddaughter, or even the girl's mother. I didn't really know what to do, but I did send a modest gift and that was it.

Then I got an invitation to the wedding. I broached the subject with my friend and explained to her that this felt awkward to me because I don't even know the parties involved. She said she wanted to include me because I was HER friend.

Is this appropriate? I actually felt guilty for not sending a wedding gift, and have been a little resentful that I was put in such an awkward position, but my friend clearly sees this another way.

Time has passed and now I have received a "save the date" for yet another grandchild's wedding! What do I do? I don't want to upset my friend, but I don't think I should be included in these events, since I have only a tenuous relationship to the people involved.

I don't want this to become an issue, but after being told how I felt the first time, it doesn't appear that she got the message. These are people of means, so it's not likely a grab for gifts. She seems to see this as a sign of my loyalty to her. HELP!

GENTLE READER: Since you have ruled out gift-farming, Miss Manners sees no reason not to take your friend at her word: She is including you because she wishes to be better friends.

If this is an imposition -- if you do not want the relationship to be more than casual -- then declining the next few invitations, and not reciprocating, will make your point.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We all know that cutting in line is rude. At grocery stores, we line up nicely, as at banks. Why then, when we are driving, do some people insist on cutting?

I'm referring to those times when a construction zone is ahead, and we are supposed to move into one lane. Most cars do, but a few will use the still-available free lane to zoom ahead and scoot in in front of the polite (or gullible) drivers. As a result, the rest of us behind end up going even slower.

I have tried something that my husband claims is dangerous. Perhaps it is -- but is it also rude? When there are only two lanes going in my direction, and I see a long line ahead in one lane -- and when I know that all traffic in the other lane will eventually have to merge, as there is no exit ahead -- I move into the free lane. But instead of zipping ahead, I stay slow, going at the same speed as of the rest of the traffic. I'm not cutting, but I am keeping others from cutting in front of me.

When I get to the very front, I then signal to merge back in. I may have to wait, but only for a car or two, instead of the many that would have cut.

Do I merely risk being shot at by an angry and rude driver, or am I also being impolite?

GENTLE READER: We all laugh dismissively when a character in a play or movie makes the most minimal change in appearance -- glasses, a hat or a cape -- and is no longer recognized by the other characters in the drama.

But the joke is on us. Most people do fail to recognize that the driver in the car or the person receiving the email is a fellow human being, and those disguises are no more convincing.

Miss Manners says this not to justify rude behavior on the road, but to agree with you how bizarre it is in otherwise polite and sweet-tempered individuals. The underlying tenets of manners do not change on the highway, which means that while she agrees that it is rude to cut in line, it is also rude to call other drivers rude.

While you could claim that your solution does not do that, we both know what is in your heart. Fortunately, etiquette does not probe there.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a student living on campus. When I am having a conversation with someone and an acquaintance walks by, I usually wave or smile at the other person; this seems preferable to pretending not to see someone.

However, when I was speaking to a friend the other day, and she waved to someone else, I felt that she wasn't listening to what I was saying.

What is the correct way to respond? If we were on the street, the unlikelihood of running into an acquaintance would, I think, make acknowledgment proper, but on a campus, it's likely that we would see each other again very soon.

GENTLE READER: A very modest addition to your usual behavior will solve the problem: A quick "Sorry" when you turn back to the speaker should be sufficient to acknowledge that no rudeness was intended to anyone. Miss Manners prefers this to the other option: pretending not to notice the world around you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last year, in the midst of the pandemic, my husband and I had plans with another couple to dine together, socially distanced, on our roof deck. The meal had been chosen, and was to be picked up at a restaurant by the other couple on their way to our house.

Approximately 30 or 45 minutes before they were to arrive with our meal, we received a phone call from the couple stating that they would not be coming after all. Our friends had had a lunch date that day at the home of their son's future in-laws, and the occasion, involving wedding planning, had extended into the dinner hour. Their hosts had ordered pizzas for their dinner.

Needless to say, we were surprised, hurt and very hungry. I received an email about three weeks later in which my friend stated that she "would like to apologize for canceling plans at the last minute," adding that "it's not something I do," though clearly, she did. A lengthy explanation followed, but nowhere in the email did the words "I'm sorry" ever appear.

Is stating that you want to apologize the same as saying you're sorry? More to the point, there was never any mention of rescheduling, nor have we heard from this couple since.

Now we are getting ready to celebrate the wedding of our son and are wondering whether we should include this couple in the plans. Some years earlier, we attended the wedding celebration of their older son.

I say this couple has clearly communicated (albeit through lack of communication) that the friendship is over. My husband, however, feels that we are socially obligated to reciprocate with an invitation to the party.

GENTLE READER: No, you are free to turn a year-old grudge into a rupture. It might even not come to that, as not everybody can expect to be invited to every wedding.

Granted, those people behaved badly in dismissing you at the last minute, not considering that you would be left dinnerless, and not apologizing at the time.

Declaring the desire to apologize is an apology, but then adding "It's not something I do" (or the even worse "It's not who I am") ruins it. As you realized, it deepens the transgression by suggesting that you are the only ones to whom the self-forgiver would direct such rudeness.

Far be it from Miss Manners to justify this behavior. Yet if she had liked these people before, and it was a first offense, she might have gotten over her annoyance after a year. Considering that they were planning a wedding during the pandemic and felt obliged to go along with their prospective in-laws, she might have given them another chance.

But not before she had said pleasantly, "You do realize that you left us starving during quarantine," to see if that prompted enough remorse to bring on a real apology.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it polite to whistle in public?

GENTLE READER: Not if you feel it would embarrass your dog. Or annoy anyone else in the vicinity.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)