DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a boss who is a texter. At any time, I may get a text from him with a request or a correction of my work. I’ve gotten texts on picnic dates, while shopping and at the dentist, for starters.

I am hourly, not salaried. I have brought up the need for boundaries repeatedly, but not directly to my boss -- the owner of the small company where I work.

Aside from scheduling, there is nothing I can do about most of the situations he texts me about if I am not at work. Eventually, I started blocking him as I clocked out and unblocking him as I clocked in, so that I’m only actually available during paid hours. But I’m worried about being considered delinquent for not responding. (He always expects a response.) What is your advice?

GENTLE READER: That having virtually obliterated the physical workplace, we are desperately in need of a return to real work hours. Miss Manners suggests: “I am afraid that I am only available each week during the paid hours for which I am contracted. However, I would certainly be happy to discuss more extended, salaried employment if that is what you require.” At which point, if he takes you up on it, you will still have to set parameters. But at least you will have been duly compensated.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my lodger, who is also a close friend, alerts me to some way in which I have inadvertently upset her, she will sometimes keep talking about it long after I’ve acknowledged her upset, offered a heartfelt apology, volunteered to rectify the situation or promised to refrain from repeating the same mistake in the future.

At some point in the conversation, my original feeling of being upset at having offended my friend becomes compounded by feeling browbeaten by her. When I can’t take any more, I say something like: “I can really hear how upset you are. I’m happy to repeat my unreserved apology, and I hope the promise I made not to let it happen again has given you some reassurance. I am not willing to keep discussing this right now. If there is something else you still need from me, I would be happy to agree to another meeting to discuss it.”

This kind of statement has been met with tearful accusations that I’m not willing to listen to her, and that if she is feeling upset due to something I’ve done, then it’s my responsibility to keep listening until she starts to feel better. Apart from this problem, we have a generally good relationship.

GENTLE READER: A friend scorned is a friend in need ... of a lot of talk. Miss Manners recommends you try saying, “I will make you a deal: If you see me exhibit the behavior again, you are more than welcome to talk to me about it. But in the meantime, please give me a chance to show you that I have, in fact, listened and I don’t intend to let it happen again.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it inappropriate to ask those taking care of you -- like a dental hygienist, dentist or manicurist, e.g. -- if they have been vaccinated for the virus, or if they have been recently tested?

I had a tooth pulled recently, and began to wonder, due to their very close proximity to my open mouth, if it would be offensive to them if I asked. I would never ask someone about these things in normal times.

GENTLE READER: You would still have a right to expect a safe and clean environment. What do you think all of those fancy health notices on the walls are for?

These businesses have no qualms about holding you to a safety standard -- even asking you to sign an affidavit before they will see you -- so there is no reason to be embarrassed for asking for one in return.

Miss Manners suggests that when you make these appointments, you ask the staff what their safety protocol is -- even if it is already listed on their website. Most businesses are eager to assure you that they are doing everything possible to safeguard their practice. Procuring these assurances is reasonable -- and doing so in advance will spare you the awkwardness of having the conversation while someone’s (gloved) hands are in your mouth.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a first-time pregnant mom. While I’m not expecting to actually have a baby shower due to COVID, I also think that virtual baby showers can be a REAL DRAG. I have received a lot of feedback regarding how boring and tedious they are for everyone.

What might be the best way to send out baby registry links to family and friends? I do feel somewhat awkward sending this out, but over the years I have always contributed to similar events. It only seems fair that I receive some TLC from friends and family, too!

GENTLE READER: The list of what those about to go through life’s milestones deem “only fair” could fill, well, several department stores with unnecessary items on overloaded registries.

At the risk of seeming wholly unfair, Miss Manners suggests that you refrain from issuing your list altogether and instead send an announcement after the baby is born. This will inevitably lead to people asking where you are registered, at which point -- after modestly deferring -- you may say that you have picked out a few items at “Baby, It’s Mine!” or whatever store you have chosen.

Yes, this will be after the fact and yes, that means you will have had to procure compulsory items on your own. But paying for one’s own household necessities is what is actually fair -- if only everyone would agree to it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate for a family member to ask to be taken to the airport for a last-minute vacation at 3:30 a.m. on a work day, when I start work at 7 a.m.? Not to mention during a pandemic.

I think this is inappropriate, but my sister thinks I am just not willing to help her out.

GENTLE READER: Both of those thoughts may well be true. Miss Manners recommends that next time, you helpfully suggest a ride-share app -- or another hapless relative -- in your stead.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my close circle of friends and family, I am the individual with the highest income. I have no issue paying when a small group of us go out to dinner. My friends do not take advantage of my generosity.

But now I’ve had an awkward dining experience: The person I went to dinner with offered to pay, I accepted, and it became clear afterward that they had not expected me to accept.

How can I graciously accept someone else’s offer to pay, while still allowing those who feel a need to make the hollow gesture? My preference would be for them not to make the gesture at all if they were not actually comfortable paying, but I can only control my actions.

I do not want to always insist on paying, but I also do not want my less financially fortunate friends to pay for my meal if they do not want to. Thanking them for offering and then telling them it is unnecessary feels a little condescending, but is that the proper way to handle this? I am honestly at a loss.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does not, contrary to popular belief, sanction hollow gestures. Wishing someone a good day may not be as hefty as working for world peace, and blessing someone who sneezes may not have liturgical significance. But both should be meant, if not deeply felt.

Offering to pay for the meal means something, and not because it involves money, but because it is a way of showing hospitality. If your friend did not intend to do that, then he should have kept silent. Certainly he should not expect you to have inferred his insincere intent. If he wants to reciprocate your generosity, he can do so at less cost, perhaps by inviting you to some other activity.

If you do not want to burden him with this expense, then offer to pay for it, to split the cost or to go to a less expensive establishment. But don’t give him credit for something he was not prepared to do, or feel bad for taking him at his word.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter’s father and I split when she was just over a year old and have had almost no contact over the last 30 years. He and his family (whom I have never met) will be here for her wedding. There are no planned activities other than the ceremony, mostly due to COVID. What can I do to make the wedding a bit less awkward?

GENTLE READER: Although you will not often hear her say this, Miss Manners hopes that on this day, you will defer to the bride. That means suspending your feelings about your ex and, if not being effusive with him -- likely too much to ask -- then striving for something more than merely civil.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)