DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will be getting married later this year (assuming it’s safe to do so, given COVID). I have some relatives in my grandparents’ home country I would love to include. We rarely see each other, and there is a language barrier, but we have warm feelings and shared history.

However, they are rural farmers, and while they do well for the area, they are not wealthy by American standards. For perspective, while we’ve happily been able to send them small sums over the years as gifts, a single plane ticket would cost 10 times what we’ve ever given. So subsidizing their attendance isn’t possible.

I would love to somehow tell them that this is an occasion I wish they could take part in. Is there any version of, “You’d be welcome if it were possible, but I know it’s not, so please don’t feel any pressure. This is merely symbolic” that could be included with an invitation?

I don’t want to embarrass them by putting them in a position where they feel obligated to spend money they don’t have, nor do I want to hurt their pride by referring to their financial situation (even though there’s no shame in it at all).

They are not from a culture where receiving an invitation automatically necessitates a gift, so that is not a concern. I truly just wish they could be there, and want to tell them so without burdening them. Is there a convention for such a thing?

GENTLE READER: Is there a standard form, you ask, for: You would like them to come, but you don’t want to burden them financially; you can’t help with the cost, and they should not feel bad -- either about their financial situation or about not attending; you want them to feel included, but also to understand that you will not be hurt if they can’t attend?

Did Miss Manners miss anything? Ah, yes: You don’t speak the same language.

She does not mean to make light of your quandary, but only to point out that you are asking too much of a simple convention. If a conversation is not possible, send an invitation. Trust the relatives from the old country to figure out the rest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is driving me crazy. In the last couple of years, he has developed a habit of talking with his mouth full at the dinner table.

Aside from it being repulsive and annoying, we have two teenaged children, and I’m worried they will think this is acceptable behavior. But I don’t know how to correct him since he’s an adult, not my child.

I can barely stomach another meal with him. What can I do?

GENTLE READER: Speak with him about it in private. Miss Manners appreciates your concern that the children will copy his behavior, but points out that if they do, you can correct them in the moment. They will defend themselves by pointing fingers at your husband, at which point you can agree that good manners apply to everyone in the family, and that “Your father and I will try to do better.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been married to my husband for 35 years, and his siblings treat our home with no respect.

We live in a modest home, by our own choice: There are just the two of us, no children, and we believe in leaving a smaller footprint. We could afford a home three times larger, but plan to stay and be as environmentally conscious as possible.

I am a professional interior designer, so our furnishings, artwork and accessories have all been selected with care, and with the effort to make our small home warm and welcoming.

Yet when the in-laws arrive, they treat our home as if we lived in a dump. They put their feet on the furniture, drop food on the carpet and make no effort to pick it up, spill wine on bedspreads (that’s another issue altogether) and leave wet glasses on wood tabletops. Then they leave when the dinner, brunch or whatever is over, with no effort or offer made to help clean up.

I don’t mind the cleanup so much, since they are not careful with dishes and have on numerous occasions thrown silverware into the trash. I would rather do it myself to avoid any broken or lost utensils.

Why would they treat our home with no respect -- or more importantly, treat us with no respect? I get frustrated and angry because my husband never says a word. He is the youngest, the fourth boy, in his large family.

I guess my question is twofold: Why the lack of respect, and why won’t my husband speak up?

GENTLE READER: Because he grew up with these people’s household habits, and therefore sees only habitual sloppiness where you see disrespect. Omitting the malicious motivation will not remove the wine stains from your bedspread -- what will? -- but removing the anger will help you deal with this situation.

You say you don’t mind cleaning up -- really? Miss Manners would think you would make that easier by covering your tables with trays or coasters and using old bedspreads. Their visits are not the time to display your interior decorating skills.

And instead of expecting your husband to speak up, couldn’t he just clean up?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a chronic knee problem that causes me to walk slowly -- not a standstill, but slow enough that when in a group, I am always left behind. I catch up when I can. It embarrasses me to be so obvious. What can I or should I say when I am left in the dust?

GENTLE READER: “Wait up, folks”?

Of course, they then forget and it happens all over again.

Miss Manners, whose dainty stature (she’s short) puts her in this position, has found it effective to wait until the others notice that she is missing -- perhaps they have even been talking to her, eyes straight ahead, and eventually wonder why she doesn’t answer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During the pandemic, I have encountered serious health, financial and legal troubles. I have always been there for family and friends, but when I needed their emotional support, most of them abandoned me.

I now know who my family and friends really are. As restrictions are lifted, I will see them at various events. I want to take the high road, but what can I say to let them know I want nothing to do with them because of their poor treatment of me and my situation?

GENTLE READER: Please don’t do this. Miss Manners understands that you have had a rough time, but so have countless others -- perhaps some of those people you feel let you down.

Loss of income, job frustrations, isolation and increased family responsibilities have all been commonplace. Illness, even if not from the virus, turned more worrisome as medical facilities were overwhelmed. With disrupted routines and frightening possibilities, moods have been affected and options have been limited.

Unless these people were off on a private island living the good life, any version of “Where were you when I needed you?” would sound callous.

Miss Manners understands and sympathizes with your having been swamped by your various troubles. Perhaps these problems precluded you from regularly checking up on your family and friends in case they needed emotional support -- and they may have been equally distracted.

If there is one thing that quarantining should have taught us, it is that we need one another. This is no time to be pitching your family and friends aside. Rather, when you are able to see them again, you should inquire about their welfare. Then, if they show a marked lack of interest in yours, you might reevaluate the ties.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a good friend who has always had some strange beliefs about medical issues: She won’t take any Western medicine, relies on “alternative” treatments and consults a “medical psychic.”

We are pretty sure she had COVID last year. She has told me she has no intention of taking the COVID vaccine and is going to rely on her “own healthy immune system” to fight the virus.

Doctors are saying people might get the new strains of the virus even if they already had the old strain. How do I tactfully tell my friend I will not be wanting to see her in person as much as I used to, and will not go to her house or invite her to mine?

She is about 12 years younger than me. I feel like I need to protect myself a little more than when I was younger. She also has a bit of a temper, so I’m nervous about approaching the subject with her.

GENTLE READER: And it sounds as if it would be pretty useless to do so.

It is also unnecessary. You do not need to build a case about why you decline, or do not issue, invitations. “Thank you, but I’m not going out yet,” and -- if she is so bold as to invite herself -- “I’ll let you know when that is possible” are sufficient responses.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)