DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been married to my husband for 35 years, and his siblings treat our home with no respect.

We live in a modest home, by our own choice: There are just the two of us, no children, and we believe in leaving a smaller footprint. We could afford a home three times larger, but plan to stay and be as environmentally conscious as possible.

I am a professional interior designer, so our furnishings, artwork and accessories have all been selected with care, and with the effort to make our small home warm and welcoming.

Yet when the in-laws arrive, they treat our home as if we lived in a dump. They put their feet on the furniture, drop food on the carpet and make no effort to pick it up, spill wine on bedspreads (that’s another issue altogether) and leave wet glasses on wood tabletops. Then they leave when the dinner, brunch or whatever is over, with no effort or offer made to help clean up.

I don’t mind the cleanup so much, since they are not careful with dishes and have on numerous occasions thrown silverware into the trash. I would rather do it myself to avoid any broken or lost utensils.

Why would they treat our home with no respect -- or more importantly, treat us with no respect? I get frustrated and angry because my husband never says a word. He is the youngest, the fourth boy, in his large family.

I guess my question is twofold: Why the lack of respect, and why won’t my husband speak up?

GENTLE READER: Because he grew up with these people’s household habits, and therefore sees only habitual sloppiness where you see disrespect. Omitting the malicious motivation will not remove the wine stains from your bedspread -- what will? -- but removing the anger will help you deal with this situation.

You say you don’t mind cleaning up -- really? Miss Manners would think you would make that easier by covering your tables with trays or coasters and using old bedspreads. Their visits are not the time to display your interior decorating skills.

And instead of expecting your husband to speak up, couldn’t he just clean up?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a chronic knee problem that causes me to walk slowly -- not a standstill, but slow enough that when in a group, I am always left behind. I catch up when I can. It embarrasses me to be so obvious. What can I or should I say when I am left in the dust?

GENTLE READER: “Wait up, folks”?

Of course, they then forget and it happens all over again.

Miss Manners, whose dainty stature (she’s short) puts her in this position, has found it effective to wait until the others notice that she is missing -- perhaps they have even been talking to her, eyes straight ahead, and eventually wonder why she doesn’t answer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During the pandemic, I have encountered serious health, financial and legal troubles. I have always been there for family and friends, but when I needed their emotional support, most of them abandoned me.

I now know who my family and friends really are. As restrictions are lifted, I will see them at various events. I want to take the high road, but what can I say to let them know I want nothing to do with them because of their poor treatment of me and my situation?

GENTLE READER: Please don’t do this. Miss Manners understands that you have had a rough time, but so have countless others -- perhaps some of those people you feel let you down.

Loss of income, job frustrations, isolation and increased family responsibilities have all been commonplace. Illness, even if not from the virus, turned more worrisome as medical facilities were overwhelmed. With disrupted routines and frightening possibilities, moods have been affected and options have been limited.

Unless these people were off on a private island living the good life, any version of “Where were you when I needed you?” would sound callous.

Miss Manners understands and sympathizes with your having been swamped by your various troubles. Perhaps these problems precluded you from regularly checking up on your family and friends in case they needed emotional support -- and they may have been equally distracted.

If there is one thing that quarantining should have taught us, it is that we need one another. This is no time to be pitching your family and friends aside. Rather, when you are able to see them again, you should inquire about their welfare. Then, if they show a marked lack of interest in yours, you might reevaluate the ties.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a good friend who has always had some strange beliefs about medical issues: She won’t take any Western medicine, relies on “alternative” treatments and consults a “medical psychic.”

We are pretty sure she had COVID last year. She has told me she has no intention of taking the COVID vaccine and is going to rely on her “own healthy immune system” to fight the virus.

Doctors are saying people might get the new strains of the virus even if they already had the old strain. How do I tactfully tell my friend I will not be wanting to see her in person as much as I used to, and will not go to her house or invite her to mine?

She is about 12 years younger than me. I feel like I need to protect myself a little more than when I was younger. She also has a bit of a temper, so I’m nervous about approaching the subject with her.

GENTLE READER: And it sounds as if it would be pretty useless to do so.

It is also unnecessary. You do not need to build a case about why you decline, or do not issue, invitations. “Thank you, but I’m not going out yet,” and -- if she is so bold as to invite herself -- “I’ll let you know when that is possible” are sufficient responses.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a very close friend group of six people. Four of us have been friends for 30 years, the other two for about 10 years. I was close with Friend Five separately for 20 years, and introduced her to the group because I knew she would fit in. Another member introduced Friend Six.

For a long time, things were great! Outsiders were jealous of our friendships, wishing they had friends who were so close.

But nothing lasts forever. I found out that Friend Five, who is married, was having an affair with Friend Six.

I had suspected something, mostly because Five stopped calling and texting me. She used to invite me to go to the movies all the time, and that stopped. I used to invite her to the beach, but she said she wasn’t a “beach person.” Then I found out that she was going to the beach with Six, often, and staying at her house overnight. They have also traveled out of town together, only telling us about it when they were about to be caught in a lie.

Before this affair, we all did things together. After the affair started, the invitations from Five and Six just went to one other person in the group, who told me she felt like she was invited to be the alibi.

I am hurt because I feel that Five is choosing to spend time with Six instead of me; there is no time in her life for me. I have struggled with this and have needed counseling. My husband says that everything changes, and accepting change is a mature thing to do. I don’t want my friendship to change due to her affair. That’s not fair.

I confronted Five, saying I felt betrayed. She responded that she and Six didn’t want to hurt anyone, and that they couldn’t help who they love. She said they had decided to end it, but remain friends -- but I have seen Five’s car at Six’s beach house several times since she told me it was over.

How do I handle this? Do I confront her again and tell her how I feel? Or do I really have to let her go? I don’t want to stop hanging out with my other friends, but I almost feel like I need to. Being with the whole group gives me anxiety and makes me angry.

GENTLE READER: Five is lucky to have you as a friend. You are assuming all of the potential guilt and consternation for her. Attention to your own emotional state might be useful.

Miss Manners does not suggest that you approve of your friend’s decisions, but she does agree with your husband that you cannot prevent change. That seems to be the real source of your anger. People divorce, move, have children and adopt pets -- all of these things can change the dynamic of a friendship.

If you wish to remain friends, you accept the inevitability of change, even if you do not condone its cause.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Upon entering a meeting room, who makes the first greeting? The one coming into the room, or the person already inside? This came up in general conversation at work.

GENTLE READER: “Welcome” is usually the first greeting and is therefore best issued by the person already present. This should not be said sarcastically to a latecomer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)