DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a condominium association of 241 homes that is governed by a board of owners. I am running for election to the board, having served previously as an officer.

When I sent a campaign email to the owners, I received a reply from a former board member. (He ran for reelection and lost, and is not a candidate now.) He emailed me: “STOP SENDING ME YOUR B.S. AND LIES, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU ARE FULL OF IT AND YOU WILL LOOSE (sic) LIKE THE LAST 2 TIMES YOU TRIED.”

What, if anything, does etiquette say about the response that I should make? Should I:

1. Do nothing; ignore his email.

2. Respond with one of the following: A. You make my point about the lack of civility in discussing issues at the homeowners’ association. When you compose yourself, I would be pleased to meet to discuss your views. B. Could you specifically identify the statements you claim are untrue? C. As you requested, you are removed from my email list.

GENTLE READER: Relationships with fellow condominium owners carry all of the disadvantages of family (you did not, for the most part, choose them, and it is difficult to avoid them) with few of the benefits (unless, perhaps, they are willing to watch your cat while you take a much-needed vacation from them).

Miss Manners therefore proposes the Crazy Uncle Solution, which is to serve your rude neighbor his figurative turkey and let him sit in the corner, while you enlist everyone else’s help and sympathy to minimize the damage he can cause. In this case, that means option 1.B. -- ignoring his letter but pursuing your goal of respectful behavior at meetings.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a proper way to ask someone to repeat themselves? I wear hearing aids, but there are still times when I need a second chance to understand the spoken word!

As a child, I learned not to say, “What?” So among family and friends, I find myself saying, “What’s that?” (which is hardly any better). With acquaintances, I sometimes say, “I’m sorry; I didn’t catch that. Can you repeat it?” -- a rather cumbersome trio of phrases.

Some people say, “Excuse me?” but that has taken on such a haughty sound -- as it is often used nowadays to express offense taken -- that I am uncomfortable using it. “Pardon?” seems odd, because I am not asking for pardon.

GENTLE READER: When grocery stores started telling their clerks to ask customers how they were doing, Miss Manners was deluged by Gentle Readers perplexed by what they saw as a choice between discomfort (“What business is it of his?”) and dishonesty (“But I was having a lousy day”). She had to reassure them that, like blessing someone who sneezes, not every politeness should be taken literally.

The same can be said of apologies, something she routinely recommends as a way to disarm a wide range of behaviors that might otherwise be taken as rudeness (“Excuse me, you are stepping on my foot”). When said nicely, “What?” is not as rude as you think, but you could say, “I’m sorry, could you say that again?” But only if it won’t make you late for your next errand.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are both recovering from the coronavirus. At the beginning of a video call with another couple over the weekend, I asked them, “How are you keeping?”

And the answer came back, “We are keeping a lot better than you, by the sound of it.”

It certainly felt like a put-down. I let it pass because it probably would have been too upsetting to do much else. What would be a good reply -- or should I just blame my husband for having talked about his symptoms too much in a previous phone call?

GENTLE READER: It has come to Miss Manners' attention that people without ill intentions sometimes blurt out mildly hurtful observations, as she presumes happened in the case you describe. Whether the inspiration is a momentary lapse in judgment or a misguided attempt at humor or familiarity does not matter.

The correct response is not to pretend everything is fine, but to give a subtle indication that it is not fine, so that the speaker has a chance to revise those remarks for the record. A flat “hm” or pause qualifies; a scowl does not.

Blaming your husband for this exchange, even if he was overly forthcoming in a prior encounter, seems neither subtle nor fair.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some of my relatives hold political views that I find truly appalling. It has become apparent that their views are not merely different from my own, but rather that these relatives are fully on board with authoritarianism.

So far, I have bitten my tongue and kept silent, but I now feel that my silence gives them license to continue to loudly espouse these beliefs. I have come to the conclusion that there is no middle ground nor any polite way to “agree to disagree,” and have decided to shun them from this point forward.

Is there any way, under the rules of etiquette, for me to state plainly and clearly to them precisely why I have chosen to sever all contact with them? If I promise to do so in a neutral tone of voice and without letting my anger and disgust overcome me, can I tell them why? Or is the only appropriate and dignified approach to simply remain silent and cut contact?

GENTLE READER: You, together with your authoritarian-minded relatives, made your collective choice between finding a way to continue the relationship -- presumably by agreeing to mutual restraint, if not absolute silence -- and speaking your mind whatever the cost, which, in this case, will be the relationship.

You chose the latter. Miss Manners is therefore suspicious of your promise to be neutral and dignified now. What you propose is also unnecessary: They will know what happened -- just as you know, without having to be told, that Miss Manners cannot condone your scolding them as they walk out the door.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A gentleman I know only because he’s married to an old high school classmate has written and self-published a rather long novel on a topic I know and care nothing about. In a recent online get-together with his wife and some of our other high school chums, he asked if he could “pitch” his book to us, then proceeded to describe the book, where it could be purchased and for what price. We all politely expressed our admiration for his achievement.

Yesterday, a copy of the book arrived at my home. I immediately thanked the author in neutral terms: “Imagine my surprise when I discovered a copy of your tome on my doorstep! It is a handsome volume, indeed. Thanks so much for adding it to my library!”

But now I am at a loss as to what to do when he inevitably queries me about what I thought of it. I don’t want to lie, yet I also don’t want to hurt this fellow’s feelings about a work he says he wrote over a 35-year period.

GENTLE READER: Would you consider it a lie to say, “I’m looking forward to reading it”?

Yes? Well, then, how about, “I’m anxious to read it”?

“Anxious” doesn’t mean the same thing as “eager,” you know. And you do sound to Miss Manners as if you are truly anxious at the prospect of having to read it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have appalling manners over the phone and on email. I am condescending, abusive and rude. My grammar and spelling are terrible, as well; I use ALL CAPS for no reason and misuse punctuation (my favorite is to use several exclamation points or question marks to really communicate the contempt I have for other humans). IS THERE ANY HOPE FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME????!!

GENTLE READER: NONE! Not when you are so proud of your failings as to make sure to repeat them in such an obviously provocative fashion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you please, once again, state the rule for when thank-you notes for wedding gifts should be sent out? (Perhaps you could state this in large type, bolded?) My friends who are mothers-of-brides tell me that brides have a year to write thank-yous, and I have been unable to find Miss Manners’ guidelines via online searches.

Miss Manners, I’m on my elderly, arthritic knees! I never know if my carefully chosen gifts are received!

GENTLE READER: What, again? As if Miss Manners hasn’t pointed this out a million times?

Come on, folks. You’ve heard of feedback. You give it all the time to people you don’t even know. How can you begrudge it to someone you do know, who has been -- perhaps foolishly -- generous to you?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a 58-year-old man raised in the South, and husband of 32 years to an amazing and cool wife, I’m confused. Ladies are always served first, but my wife says the cook is served last. What’s a husband to do when it’s just the two of us?

GENTLE READER: You could solve the problem by doing all the cooking. But here is another rule: One always serves others before oneself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)