DEAR MISS MANNERS: During the pandemic, there are a lot of services that I’ve forgone out of an abundance of caution. Now that the vaccine is rolling out, I’m looking forward to resuming a lot of these activities -- like getting my hair cut, returning to my personal trainer and visiting my therapist in person.

I’m in the last category that will be offered the vaccine, so I probably won’t be vaccinated until the summer, or even later. So my ability to safely resume these activities may depend on whether the service provider is vaccinated.

What is the etiquette around inquiring about this? Is it a question I can, or should, even ask? If so, is there a proper way to go about it? I generally feel that someone’s medical history is their own business, but the pandemic has upended so many other social norms. Has it shifted this one, as well?

GENTLE READER: Avoiding intruding into another person’s medical history has certainly become more difficult, but that is not a reason to give up.

Your concern, Miss Manners would have thought, is not actually whether the providers have been vaccinated, but the more general question of what steps they are taking to minimize the risk of infection.

This is a perfectly proper question. You will not have done anything wrong if they volunteer their vaccination status, just as you are at liberty not to return yet if their reassurances do not assuage your concerns.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our neighbors of 40 years ask us to take care of their cat when they go away for more than one night. It’s usually for four days or so, and we are happy to go next door to make sure the cat has fresh water and food and to give him some people-time.

When we had a dog, these same neighbors were insistent that we not board her when we traveled -- frequently for 10 days to two weeks -- because she would be better off in her own house, and that they were happy to come over to give her food, water and people-time. I always brought something back for them from our travels, or made something for them as a thank-you gift -- a basket that I made, filled with homemade goodies, for example.

We recently took care of the cat for a few days -- Thursday to Monday, maybe -- and as thanks, we were given a couple of very nice homemade hot pads and a $50 gift card. The time before was a $50 gift certificate to a local restaurant.

It’s way too much for the little that is asked of us. We would like to give the gift card back to them, but we don’t want any hurt feelings or to have them think that they can’t ask us to watch the cat in the future. Help?

GENTLE READER: Turning down presents already given is an insult, so Miss Manners wishes you joy with the hot pads and the gift card. But it will be charming when you assure them that you love Sugar and are thrilled to be able to return the favor after all those years in which they looked after Chester.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I were watching the news when our adult daughter called on the landline. My wife answered, and I muted the TV as she returned to her chair for what ended up being a 15-minute conversation.

When she ended the call, she saw that I was a little annoyed. She asked why, and I said that I thought she was being rude by having that one-sided chat -- she didn’t either leave the room or put the call on speaker so I could participate.

She said she didn’t see the rudeness, and that I could have taken the TV off mute while she continued to talk on the phone. When I asked her to look at it from my perspective, she said she still didn’t see the rudeness.

The rest of the evening was pretty frosty. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That, like many homebound people during the pandemic, you and your wife are going stir-crazy. There is no reason that so trivial a domestic conflict should have turned your evening frosty.

You list the measures your wife could have taken, but Miss Manners has a similar list for you: You could have gestured that you wanted to be part of the conversation or that she should take the call in another room. Or you could have turned the television sound on low -- just loud enough to have driven her out of the room.

Please tell your wife that you don’t know why you were so upset, so that she can say the same to you. Domestic peace must be restored.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a church-group friend with whom I share a weekly social video visit. We are retired, have much in common, are generous in helping each other, and laugh a lot.

However, now that her political party is out of power, she has been interrupting me often, and she patronizes me if I respond to her diatribes with civility and kindness. She has made presumptuous and negative statements that I consider verbally abusive.

She has said that I am told what to think and do, while she has the actual facts. This, to a woman with an international career and a daily habit of scanning the news in six international papers, in two languages!

I feel that she has now expressed the contempt she actually had for me all along, and wonder how you recommend handling this.

GENTLE READER: Have you tried asking (civilly and kindly) for a ban on discussing politics?

And it doesn’t work?

Next method is to refrain from arguing, and instead to encourage your friend to elaborate on her statements and explain her feelings. Questions should be asked in a neutral tone: Where did you hear that? Have you investigated it? Have you always felt this way? Does your family feel the same way?

That might not work, either. In that case, Miss Manners agrees that it is best not handled. Perhaps when you meet again in person, the friendship can resume if the lady is more respectful.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During “normal times,” we refrained from turning our backs on people speaking to us, or from looking elsewhere the entire time. Now, online, I attend speaker events in which the audience is primarily comprised of black boxes with or without their names listed. For the speaker, the lack of facial responses must be difficult, as there are only a few “live” faces to speak to.

Should one always be “present” (with video turned on) when attending a talk by a live, online speaker? Is it a courtesy to the speaker to show one’s face in the audience, as if one were there in person, or is it considered good manners either way?

This is new territory, but I feel I should be fully present if I sign on to the link.

GENTLE READER: Fully present also means not walking in and out, falling asleep or multitasking, all of which behaviors Miss Manners often sees from audience members who have activated their cameras during a live video talk. Those who cannot manage to seem interested and alert are better not seen.

That the format presents problems for speakers accustomed to lecture halls, Miss Manners acknowledges, although it is not easy to see facial expressions in a darkened auditorium from a lighted stage. For anyone accustomed to getting laughs, silence from a muted audience is disconcerting, and it might help to see smiles.

But it definitely does not help to be able to see close-ups of people who are not paying attention.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The people at my dentist’s front desk always refer to me as Miss Jane and my husband as Mr. Tom. We are in our 70s, and would prefer to be called Jane and Tom or Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Do we mention this to the dentist, to the front desk people, or just let it go?

GENTLE READER: As you have not made up your own minds about whether you want to be addressed informally or formally, you should hardly blame the staff for using a compromise between the two. Especially in the South, their form is both warm and respectful.

As the situation here is professional, not personal, Miss Manners would consider the “Mr. and Mrs.” form more appropriate. But if you prefer to have them address you as pals, that is your choice. Just ask them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The term “Mrs.” makes me puke. Is it OK if I address all women as “Ms.,” even if I know they prefer “Mrs.”?

The way I see it, “Mrs.” is a sexist term that reinforces sexist norms every time it’s uttered, but the word “Ms.” is harmless.

I want to make the world a less sexist place. My mom says I’m being rude. Who’s right?

GENTLE READER: Your mother.

And didn’t she teach you that deliberately ignoring other people’s wishes is not a way to make the world a better place? And to state your beliefs in less offensive terms?

If people paid more attention to their mothers’ pronouncements, Miss Manners’ job would be a lot easier.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)