DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is getting married. Her biological dad and I divorced when she was about 2, and I’ve been with her stepfather since she was 4. Her biological father was in her life very (VERY) sporadically the first few years, and then he wasn’t at all.

He tried to reconnect when she was in her early 20s, but it was awkward for both of them, and it never really developed. When he remarried and moved out of state, there was some contact from the new wife -- trying to get to know my daughter and bring her and her dad closer, I’m presuming.

All this being said, my daughter wants to invite them to the wedding, which I thought was nice and the right thing to do. My concern is that there won’t be any acknowledgment of him as her “father” -- no walking down the aisle, no father-daughter dance, no boutonniere.

This is totally my daughter’s decision, and I understand completely where she is coming from. But I am worried about inviting him and then making him feel bad, awkward or whatever the case may be.

GENTLE READER: It is likely no surprise to her father that they are not close. But if it is your daughter’s intention to have her stepfather perform those duties, there may indeed be awkwardness and hurt feelings.

A gracious way around it -- and one that Miss Manners recommends in your case -- is to have you, her mother, walk her down the aisle. You could dance with her, too -- or forgo that particular tradition, at least as a viewer spectacle -- and she might find time to dance with all of the parents and stepparents later in the reception.

As Miss Manners has repeatedly emphasized, it is the actual people involved and not the casting of (particularly gendered) roles that is important. Whatever traditions the bride thinks she is upholding should be adapted as much as possible in order to avoid hurt feelings.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my children receive a gift, I am careful to ensure they participate in writing a thank-you note, even from a young age.

I was taught that it is proper to write a note in black or blue ink, never pencil. However, with my younger children, who are still learning how to write and spell, this is leading to a great deal of wasted stationery. When they make a mistake, as is normal to do at their age, we need to throw out the card and start over, sometimes three times in a row.

Would it be acceptable for a young child to write a card in pencil? Or should I write the card for them in pen?

GENTLE READER: Have the children write a rough draft that they can then copy onto the good stationery in ink. There still may be mistakes, but as long as cross-outs and bumpy white blotches are confined to a reasonable one or two per letter, the recipients -- and Miss Manners -- will most assuredly be forgiving.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can I help my girlfriend learn to use the correct words during our conversations in English without constantly correcting her?

When I interrupt her to suggest the correct words, it appears to be more frustrating than helpful for her.

GENTLE READER: Much like with autocorrect, alternate suggestions while one is trying to convey a coherent thought are not as helpful as they might seem to the instructor, who is supposed to be listening to the ideas being conveyed.

If you want to avoid coming across as Henry Higgins (because there is little chance that that relationship lasted), Miss Manners suggests that you and the lady make the lessons reciprocal. Devise a plan to learn each other’s languages at designated times -- and not during regular conversations. In other words, let the rain in Spain stay mainly on the plain.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a college professor, and students often ask me to write letters of recommendation for them for medical school, or other professional applications where such letters are required.

I am happy to write them. However, they take time to write.

The students are aware that I have complied when the letters are submitted via their application portals, and they receive an email of their receipt. But they will often not even acknowledge my recommendations with a simple “thank you” in an email, much less a thank-you card for writing them. This has been ever more consistently the case, and I am tired of writing recommendations without even receiving a thank-you for the time I spent.

Am I asking too much of this college generation? It makes me not want to write any letters of recommendation anymore, but I know this is unfair to the few who do acknowledge the time and effort I put into them. It’s impossible to know beforehand who will at least be polite enough to send a simple email.

What would you suggest I do -- not write these letters anymore, or just not expect any thanks? Any other suggestions?

GENTLE READER: That you have more to teach your former students.

Just because one may be electronically aware that the letter has been posted does not mean that it should go unacknowledged.

The one excuse Miss Manners will concede is that often, students are not privy to the content of that letter, and therefore uncertain of the degree of gratitude owed -- if any at all.

You might preempt that -- while also prompting thanks -- by saying, “I trust that you know by now that the letter I wrote for you has been received. I wanted to let you know that your attributes have been rightfully praised and I wish you success with your admission. Please keep me informed of what happens.” If, at that point, they still do not respond to thank you profusely, then you may privately despair.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have owned a very lovely bed and breakfast in a boutique community for 15 years now. In the last year, I have noticed an upswing in guests being wantonly destructive.

For example, we had a woman dye her hair bright red in her bathroom sink and then wipe her hands on the vintage wallpaper, leaving unfixable stains. This guest then disputed the repair charge, which left me with the repapering bill.

Could you recommend a gentle and non-alienating way to ask guests to not to destroy my home? Or perhaps verbiage for a sign? I really do generally enjoy the guests, but I simply cannot afford to repeatedly replace wallpaper and antique paintings that have been stolen right off the wall.

GENTLE READER: Shortly after hoteliers started calling their customers “guests,” they learned the downside of advising the clientele to make themselves at home.

There is, in Miss Manners’ vocabulary, no such thing as a paying guest. She mentions this to provide context for her solution: You are in a business relationship with your customers, which not only gives you the right, but sets the expectation, that you will establish clear terms.

A deposit against damage, and a written explanation that it may be used to return the room to the condition in which it was found, is reasonable and practical. No list of the ways in which a client could damage the property will ever be complete -- and it might give them ideas.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My three friends took me out for dinner for my birthday and paid for everything, as this is something we all do for each other. The next day, two of them talked on the phone and realized they hadn’t left enough of a tip.

One of them called me and said, “I know you won’t like this, but we just realized that we underestimated the tip. We want you to go back and give our waitress $15 more.”

I was offended and stunned, and suggested that one of them do it, since she lives close by. This friend responded, “No, we want you to do it, and I’ll pay for your drink next time we go out.”

I said OK, but now that I think about it, it really bothers me. I would never ask this of her, or anyone. Am I overreacting?

GENTLE READER: Friends ask one another favors. But friends also do not insist on compliance -- particularly if the favor is potentially embarrassing. “We want you to do it” reeks of coercion, not to mention conspiracy.

Had you been able to ask Miss Manners in the moment, she would have advised you to avoid the trap of assuming any responsibility for finding a solution: “I’m sorry, I just can’t.” If you cannot bring yourself to make good on your word, already given, a full-blown apology is going to be required: “I’m so sorry, I agreed because I thought it wouldn’t bother me. But it does; I’m embarrassed. I know I said I would, but please don’t ask me to do this.”

This may be more trouble than delivering the retroactive tip.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)