DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been the executive assistant of a prominent person for the past 10 years. I take care of matters both within the executive’s company and in his personal/family life, as is common at this level of my profession.

My question involves an error made by the executive’s wife. She had personal stationery printed for the use of the family many years ago. Unfortunately, the address on the stationery reads, “The Johnson’s” (name changed).

I cringe every time I see the misplaced apostrophe, and for 10 years I’ve been biting my tongue, not wanting to insult my boss’s wife. We have a friendly, warm relationship developed over a decade, and she has given me many compliments about my knowledge of grammar.

Have I waited too long, or should I speak up so she has a chance to reprint the stationery correctly? I don’t want her to be embarrassed when she sends correspondence to people who might notice the error, or have her mistake reflect poorly on my boss, or anyone in the family.

Should I send her a gift of reprinted stationery and not mention the error?

GENTLE READER: You are The Person Who Gets Things Done in this relationship, so Miss Manners advises you to take advantage of it.

Volunteer to arrange for the next printing of the stationery -- surely, after 10 years, it is time. Before you put in the order, send the wife a note explaining that you just realized that the apostrophe is in the wrong place and confirm that you, fortunately, caught it before it went to the printers. The implication that you initially missed the mistake will remove the sting. And you won’t have to pay for the printing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s aunt recently passed away. Her obituary stated that there would be a graveside service. We arrived at the cemetery, and five minutes before the service was to start, an announcement was made that it would be held inside the mausoleum.

Given the number of people and the close placement of chairs, we decided not to go in. Had we known the service was to be indoors, we would not have gone in the first place.

Even so, we fear we were rude to leave. On the other hand, we live in an area where COVID is spiking, and we were just not willing to take the chance.

GENTLE READER: Your concern for your own safety is understandable, but thinking more about others would have solved your problem.

You could have stood outside by the open door and, when invited inside, explained that you wanted to make sure there is room for anyone who would not feel more secure staying outside.

Miss Manners can anticipate your next objection: that you will not be able to see or hear the service while standing outside. When you play cards, are you in the habit of showing your hand to anyone who asks? Being able to act as if you can hear and see what is going on -- even when you cannot -- is a basic life skill.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have often been asked to attend parties that are actually commercial events to sell products -- say, plastic storage-ware, wine or other home goods. I consider these events a cheap way to exploit friends and acquaintances.

Now I am being texted directly to buy things from friends. These products do not interest me and are usually subpar quality. I have no use for them.

How do I politely decline such invitations from people I will actually face at some point?

GENTLE READER: “Thank you for thinking of me, but I have a lifetime supply!” is both polite and sufficient.

Do not embellish, as that is where the trouble begins. “I have a three-month supply” is an invitation to call in four months. “I use Brand X” is an invitation to expand the offerings. And if you volunteer that people you know might be a better fit, you have only yourself to blame.

Miss Manners feels no remorse at not being a willing victim, as she agrees with you that leveraging friendships to boost sales is not a gentle activity.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: These days, tipping seems so expected for airport shuttle services, ride-sharing, grocery delivery services, etc., that one commits to a tip even before receiving the service.

We were especially shocked to learn that the grocery delivery person could reject or accept our order based on the commitment to the tip that we lay out in advance. This seems counterintuitive, since a tip is given to reward a job that has been performed exceptionally, not to ensure that a job will be performed perfunctorily. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: People should be fairly paid for their work, Miss Manners believes. For this reason, she has always disapproved of tipping, which strikes her as an undignified way to facilitate employers’ paying subpar wages.

As a secondary objection, Miss Manners notes that gratitude, compensation and performance reviews are -- or should be -- separate activities. She agrees that the practice you describe deserves a more accurate description, but has no other objection to it. Perhaps we could call it “agreeing on the price in advance of the sale.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law, who is otherwise a lovely person, has a bad habit of borrowing things and not returning them. I’m speaking mostly of kitchen/dining items like serving platters, baking pans, decorative trays, etc.

She will borrow items for a specific use, then months later, I will see her bring them out and use them like they are hers. I didn’t say anything at first, since I didn’t want to embarrass her, but it’s a habit now.

How do I tactfully prevent this in the future? And is there any way I can, at this late date, get my old things back?

GENTLE READER: You are right not to embarrass your sister-in-law, but that does not mean it’s too late to ask for the missing items back -- just wait until after dinner.

Miss Manners imagines a private aside in which you express the hope that she enjoyed the loan of the platter, and you’re happy to take it home now with just a simple rinse and drying.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you share with us the origins of the guidance never to discuss religion and politics at social gatherings? Or the numerous variations of that rule? I’m a wonderful internet sleuth, but this one eludes me.

And what is your guidance on the topic, especially given the precarious state of our democracy and the rampant spread of mis- and disinformation?

GENTLE READER: Have you tried, lately, talking with someone with whom you disagree?

Had this not been an old rule, designed to free social life from cantankerous strife, Miss Manners would have had to invent it.

Mind you, she would happily abandon the rule if she could hope to welcome an exchange of ideas. That would be a boon to democracy, as well as a much-needed stimulus to good conversation.

But people no longer exchange ideas; they exchange insults. This is not new, just particularly bad right now. The rule surely dates to the first time someone countered a statement with, “Then you must be an idiot” instead of, “Why do you think that?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Eating with one’s hands is not bad manners in many cultures. As a matter of fact, there is an elaborate code of manners on how to eat with one’s hands: How much of the fingers can be dipped into the rice or curry? Can the fingers be licked or not? What is the best way to get delicious bites out of the intricate crevices of the lamb shoulder bones without looking like a slob?

If good manners forbid eating with one’s hands, how, pray, do we use the phrase “finger-licking good”?

GENTLE READER: Some of us do not.

But you are mistaken in believing that etiquette forbids eating with the hands. There are circumstances in which this is permitted: Fried chicken may be correctly eaten from the hands at picnics, but not at the formal dinner table.

But there are plenty of foods that can be correctly eaten with the hands under any circumstances, including whole artichokes, bread, grapes, sandwiches, nuts, corn on the cob, olives, pickles, celery, anything on crackers, and (really) asparagus. Oh, yes, and frogs’ legs -- although you may attack them with a knife and fork if you like.

As for the propriety of licking one’s fingers, Miss Manners can only pity you if you believe that advertisements are a model of decent behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At some point in my life, I came under the impression that asking questions of idle curiosity outside of a “getting to know you” setting is rude.

So when my next-door neighbor is in his yard and I’m getting in my car, and he asks me where I’m off to, is he being nosy? Or am I being overly critical (in my mind only, of course, because I will always politely answer)? Is idle curiosity rude, or only in certain contexts or with certain queries?

GENTLE READER: Yes, it is rude -- but, as you recognize, it is not worth antagonizing a neighbor. And it is unnecessary, as there is no need to answer such questions. You could have said, “Oh, I’ll be back in an hour or so,” and driven away.

But Miss Manners asks you to consider the possibility that the gentleman had no real interest in whether you were going to the grocery store or the dentist, but only wanted to call out something to be friendly, and only the obvious came to mind.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)