DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 29-year-old daughter has “unfriended” my husband and me on social media, and most likely blocked our phone numbers. We haven’t talked, texted or anything in over a month.

The reason is that she has a resale business where she buys furniture in other cities, then brings it back to our city and sells it for a profit. She has asked multiple times to borrow our cars, which have gotten dinged up from putting furniture in them. And the last time she used my car, a rock hit my window.

She did not offer to fix it, and got mad at me when I asked her to make a claim on her insurance, since she was driving. When I asked her to pay for the deductible on my insurance, she got mad at us and said the only thing we ever talked about was money.

Am I wrong that when you borrow something and it gets damaged, you are responsible? The money isn’t the issue; it is the disrespect toward me! We addressed the issue before she unfriended us.

Obviously this isn’t a huge amount of money. We’d like to have a relationship with our daughter, but don’t want to be walked on. Any suggestions on repairing this situation since she blocked us out?

GENTLE READER: Write a letter. It has the advantage of being both disarming in its novelty and also one-sided.

Keep it simple and do not cast or accept blame: “We are sorry that the situation with the car got out of hand. Now that we have resolved it, let us all take pains to do better in the future. We miss you.”

Miss Manners cannot promise that your daughter will respond to or even read it, but at least she will have to take greater measures if she wants to block or unfriend the mail system.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Pre-pandemic, two longtime friends invited me for dinner at their home once or twice a year. In the thank-you notes I’ve sent afterwards, I’ve mentioned that I’ve had a wonderful time -- the atmosphere is warm, and they’re good company -- and that the meal was delicious (I’ve made specific reference to at least one dish each time). But I’m worried that my notes are repetitive.

I realize that sincere (if repetitive) notes are better than none, and I have no intention of not sending a note should they, or anyone else, make a meal for me in the future. But I wonder whether I am overlooking some additional element that should be included.

GENTLE READER: How about the conversation? “I am so glad that we were able to shed some light on the subject of sea turtle preservation. Freya really made me think about my position and now I am deep into a study of their migration habits.”

A thank-you letter at all is a rare thing. A good one, even more so. Miss Manners commends you for your efforts -- and assures you that making yours thoughtful and specific will, at the very least, increase your desirability as a delightful dinner guest.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have new neighbors who seemed very nice. When the husband came over to borrow two eggs for a cake his wife was making, I had my robotic vacuum on the counter as I was cleaning it.

While I was getting the eggs, he picked up the vacuum and said, “Oh, I read about these! Are they ...” Just then his phone rang, and in reaching for it, he dropped my vacuum. A 4-foot drop. It exploded. He said immediately that he would pay to replace it.

It has been two weeks, and nothing. It cost $400 and my cat really misses it, as do I. It was a friend to me and my cat. How to approach the neighbor? They have a brand-new car.

GENTLE READER: Why does that matter? Were you planning on retaliating?

While the cat’s feelings seem similarly immaterial to the situation, Miss Manners thinks you might be on to something: It is much easier to make the request on behalf of someone else than oneself. For instance: “Harriet has been really desolate without her playmate. You were kind enough to say, when it broke, that you would replace it. Please let me know if you need help finding the correct make and model.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I take offense when I give someone a gift or a tip and their response is, “Thanks, but that’s not necessary.”

Of course it’s not necessary. I stay quiet because I don’t want, in turn, to offend the person. However, it sometimes feels like a criticism.

Perhaps I’m too thin-skinned. I realize a person may feel uncomfortable when receiving something unexpected, but what about, “This is a surprise! Thank you”?

What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That people receiving unexpected presents think that they are being gracious by acting demure. Miss Manners recommends that you indulge them, although you may certainly tell them that it was your intention to please them -- dialing up the degree of hurt and confusion depending on how convincing they are.

If the recipient rebuffs a gratuity, however, you may have found yourself in the rare circumstance where it is genuinely not expected -- or even allowed. In the first case, you should respect modesty, indulging it as pride and a strong work ethic, even if you choose to ultimately ignore such protests. In the second, you should take note. Pressing forward could actually get someone fired.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sent a registry item to a soon-to-be bride. (They are only having a small celebration. I am not attending, as I am COVID-vulnerable.) The store confirmed delivery.

Is it inappropriate to call the mother of the bride to ensure that the bride received the gift? Porch pirates abound!

GENTLE READER: As do shiftless brides. But Miss Manners admires your presumption of good faith.

If a reasonable amount of time goes by and you have not received thanks -- and you have other reasons to contact the mother, besides checking up on the bride -- then yes, you may casually mention your fears. As long as you are prepared for the bevy of excuses that may follow.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

GENTLE READERS: That it is acceptable to be rude so long as you provide a justification for your behavior is not, Miss Manners assures you, correct. But neither is it an unusual ploy.

Take the cases of a young lady who detests carrots, a young gentleman recently converted to vegetarianism out of concern for the planet, and an older gentleman with a life-threatening allergy to shellfish.

The older gentleman has spent a lifetime quietly avoiding shrimp cocktails. His friends and relatives know his situation and keep an eye out for him. But he must still wearily abide the rude dinner partner who insists on knowing why he is not eating the clam chowder -- which she assures him is really delicious.

The young gentleman is passionate that it is everyone else, not himself, who is at fault: They are either unaware of the cruel and destructive nature of the meat industry -- in which case he is doing a public service by educating them -- or they are indifferent to it, which crime pales in comparison to anything he could say.

The young lady, though not yet 14 years of age, has already realized that it is simpler to tell everyone she meets that carrots send her into anaphylactic shock than to admit the truth, which is that she hates them.

The younger sufferers would be unhappy with the older gentleman’s quiet acceptance. It is bad enough to have to navigate a dangerous world. Must the older man also spend a lifetime apologizing for something beyond his control? Or, as they would put it, apologizing for who he is? Injustice!

To Miss Manners’ thinking, all three can benefit from her advice.

To the young lady: Dislike is not recognized as a medical condition, and falsely claiming it as such, while making your life easier, makes other people’s lives harder. Your fib provides one more reason for callous hosts to dismiss assertions by people who really are in peril. Not being your mother, Miss Manners is not going to tell you to stop whining and eat your vegetables. But she is going to point out that you can push them to the side of the plate.

To the young gentleman: Rudeness is not justified by righteousness. Haranguing the other guests, who are just trying to have a pleasant evening, is not only rude, but will also fail to win you converts.

Gentle readers who thought Miss Manners was going to applaud the long-suffering older gentleman are only partly right. She can appreciate his thinking of others before he thinks of himself. But she rejects his belief that any prior discussion with a host with whom he sometimes dines -- including, perhaps, an apology -- would be rude. Nowadays, a good host will inquire and keep notes.

To the young pair who object that an apology is out of the question, Miss Manners answers, “grow up.” The apology is not for the gentleman’s condition, but for potentially inconveniencing his host. Being able to stomach the hypocrisy of making an apology without feeling overly contrite is a basic life skill to which no one can claim to be allergic.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)