DEAR MISS MANNERS: Sadly, these days it’s not unusual to receive requests for prayer, action or positive thoughts for people going through difficulties. When one hasn’t heard any more about the situation in a week or two -- is the person out of the hospital or improving? Has a new job been found? Does the family perhaps need a meal? -- is there a polite way to inquire how things are?

Often, I’ll make a statement rather than ask a question, such as, “You’re still in my thoughts, and I hope things have improved for you. My offer of assistance still stands.” But I don’t get a response, and am still in the dark.

If the situation is still dire, I don’t want to intrude, but if the need has passed and I could be helpful to others, I’d like to move on.

GENTLE READER: There is no need to make these actions mutually exclusive. If those in need are able to ask for help, presumably they will reach out again if there is further necessity. In the meantime, Miss Manners assures you that you may safely otherwise direct your thoughts, prayers and generous deeds to others who may require it --whether they specifically reach out or not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were thrilled when I became pregnant -- in particular, because the baby would be my parents’ first grandchild, something that they’ve been looking quite forward to. I’m generally a very shy person, but as a consequence of their excitement, I made an effort to celebrate each step of my pregnancy with my family, including sharing sonograms, pictures and daily developments.

However, after my baby shower, and much to my surprise, my brother’s wife suddenly revealed that she, too, was expecting, and that her baby was scheduled to be delivered just days before mine. Why she’d concealed her pregnancy for so long, or how she’d been able to do so, have brought up countless questions, none of which have been answered.

My parents are ecstatic over the news, if not a bit overwhelmed. While I am happy for my sister-in-law and brother, I feel ridiculous that they let me amplify my pregnancy for so long while making no mention of their own. Is it too much to press them for an explanation, if not an apology?

GENTLE READER: For what exactly would your brother and sister-in-law be apologizing?

That you felt ridiculous, Miss Manners understands, but to demand an explanation for not wanting to update their relatives 270+ times in a year is unfair. In fact, this couple should be commended for their discretion and in granting you the spotlight, even if it was in the name of gratifying grandparental excitement. (And are you certain that their being overwhelmed is not at the prospect of now being doubly inundated with baby stimuli?)

There is a current and prevailing thought that public advertising of personal events should not be shamed. The same courtesy should be granted for those who wish to keep it private.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at a small company in a relatively small and tight-knit industry, and was previously an officer in our industry’s national association.

Last summer, my wife died unexpectedly after several months of illness. The outpouring of sympathy I received was very comforting. Many industry colleagues sent emails, cards or flowers. Others left comments or likes on a co-worker’s post about my wife’s passing on his and our company’s social media websites.

Through all of this, there was one person I expected to hear from, but didn’t: a former co-worker who had left to work for a larger company in another state at the beginning of my wife’s illness. My company had a farewell party for him on his last day, which I was unable to attend because I had to drive my wife to a medical appointment. I sent him an email explaining this and wishing him well in his new job. He sent me a cordial reply.

Several times each year, when my wife and I had entertained visiting customers, or potential customers, in our home, we made a point to include this co-worker in the dinners. My wife enjoyed his and his partner’s company.

I had assumed that he would at least have sent some form of condolences when she died. I heard nothing, and am somewhat hurt and perplexed by this. I know that he knows of my wife’s death. The same day that a co-worker made a post about her passing, this former co-worker left a comment on another, unrelated post there.

I will probably encounter this person at a future industry convention. How should I react? At this point, my instinct would be to ignore or avoid him completely. If he were to sit at the same dinner table or enter the same elevator, my reaction would be to quickly and quietly leave, to avoid any unpleasantness.

I know that it is probably unreasonable for me to tell him that I am hurt that he never acknowledged my wife’s death or my loss, and I’m not sure if I could ever bring myself to do so anyway. What do you suggest that I do if I encounter him?

GENTLE READER: Presume the best. Yes, it is possible that he is unreasonably angry that you did not attend his last day at work and is now committing a disproportionate retaliation. But it is also possible that his heartfelt condolence letter got lost in the mail. Or something in between.

Before you shun him, Miss Manners recommends that you proceed as though it were the latter. You may say something like, “It is good to see you again. You know, Alicia was such a fan of yours ...” And then leave an opening for him to express condolences, explain his lack of response -- or reenact it. In which case, you may proceed without counting him as a friend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can I let people know I don’t like being addressed by my first name?

GENTLE READER: Tell them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would say my parents “don’t get along,” but that makes it sound mutual. For as long as my sisters and I can remember, our mother has constantly nitpicked our father for things that have to us seemed petty, unwarranted, and not always within his control.

She has even put us in the middle by childishly refusing to go to some of our events if Dad was also going. We think she is just not a happy person and has taken it out on our father all these years.

Our father is, of course, not perfect, and we know there are things in a marriage that only the marital partners see. However, it has always seemed to us that our father tries to make our mother happy. He has also never spoken an unkind word about her in our presence, and has always insisted that we treat her with respect, no matter what she says or does.

Somehow, Mom and Dad are approaching their 50th anniversary and are still together. My sisters and I think we should have a special (albeit low-key) dinner in a private room at a nice, but not super-fancy, restaurant to recognize the occasion. We think it is the least we can do, because 50 years of marriage -- even if the marriage has been troubled -- is still an accomplishment.

My mother, of course, bristles at any acknowledgment of the occasion. My father realizes they don’t have a perfect marriage, but seems to want to recognize the anniversary. In other words, we can’t make them both happy. What is the proper thing to do in this situation?

GENTLE READER: From your description, your mother’s reaction to the proposed celebration is unpleasant and unsympathetic -- but, given her past behavior, unsurprising.

What, if anything, can be done? Miss Manners fears that you cannot force someone to be a guest of honor. But you can, privately, remind her that hers are not the only feelings to be considered. You can say that you know how unassuming she is, but that you and your sisters and the grandchildren would enjoy the celebration, and you know it would mean a lot to your father.

If she still refuses, you will have to find alternatives that do not require her consent, such as calling with chatty good wishes on the day, and sending flowers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve been notified of a friend’s engagement. Others have stated that a gift is in order, some having already sent one. Is this something new?

I thought that simply offering congratulations was sufficient for an engagement. As it is, I intend to send a present to the bridal shower and then another for the wedding. She’ll also be having a baby shower before she walks down the aisle, and I will be shopping for that event, too.

How many gifts do I need to be giving here?

GENTLE READER: Technically, none: Presents are not actually required. But Miss Manners raises no objection if you have already steeled yourself for three presents.

That the necessity for a fourth gift was expressed not by the friend, but by unnamed (and incorrect) “others,” should make it easy enough to ignore.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)