DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 11-year-old does all things slowly. The beat of his drum is something like one-quarter the speed of most people’s. Normally this is fine, and he can take his own sweet time, but mealtimes are a conundrum.

At dinner, polite behavior requires that diners wait for all to finish before moving on to dessert or other activities. However, this either requires the entire family to sit at the table an extra 30-45 minutes every night (and yes, we’re a typical, busy family with activities and homework to get to), or we leave him alone at the table to finish eating while we get on without him.

Sometimes we compromise by leaving one parent to sit with him. Sometimes we beg him to eat faster, but that seems unhealthy, as well as impolite. How would you address this nightly issue?

GENTLE READER: By encouraging the other family members to stay for a reasonable length of time -- say, 30 minutes -- in the name of togetherness and family loyalty. And when that does not work, tell them that you are supplementing their education with valuable conversation skills -- ones that can help with college and job interviews later on.

Doing otherwise, Miss Manners cautions, will set a precedent that others can leave the table when they have eaten. But if your son is still not finished after the time allotted, move him to the kitchen, where you can still be with him, but also clean and do other household chores. Or increase those job skills by making his siblings do them instead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancee is a chronic double-booker. Often she suggests plans, only to message me shortly beforehand and say, “I cannot take you out because I forgot I have work/an interview/a phone call, etc.”

I love this person very much, and have really tried to accept that her poor time management is just part of the package, but in all honesty, it continues to hurt my feelings.

What offends me the most is that my fiancee has a tendency to negotiate after she apologizes. She says things like, “Well, it is your decision to be upset,” and “I wouldn’t have said to meet at 11 if you had told me yesterday that you had an appointment at 2.”

I feel that the tasteful thing to do in an apology is to simply accept blame and not point fingers or go into lengthy explanations. Am I wrong about this?

To make things more complicated, there are definitely cultural differences at work. Should I reduce my expectations in light of this?

GENTLE READER: Are you prepared to reduce them for as long as the two of you are married?

Cultural generalizations aside -- and Miss Manners recommends that you be careful of that -- you are the one who must determine if this is acceptable behavior. If it is not, tell her of its effects. Hurt feelings are non-negotiable, and only build over time. Miss Manners suggests that you be careful of that, too.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should I let a family member know that her social media posts about her son are reading as negative? I know the written word isn’t always “heard” in the voice the author intends.

My niece-in-law is biracial. She and our nephew just had their first baby, and in her words, he ”really passes as white.” Her first post mentioned her surprise at how white he was, and some read it as negative. But subsequent posts explain her disappointment at his color by saying that she had hoped that she could share her biracial experience with him, and hoped maybe his color would change. These messages are tied up with other posts about Black Lives Matter.

I can’t know what it’s like to grow up biracial, but I know what it’s like to disappoint your parents at birth -- I was a girl, they wanted a boy. That was a single statement, spoken to me only once. I sit here imagining that I had had to read it as a public post, and see that my mother didn’t voice it once, but repeatedly. How would that feel? How much harder would it be to rationalize away?

Social media never goes away, and I don’t want these comments to hurt this child or his relationship with his mom down the road. I’m sure if asked, she’d say she loves her son unconditionally. But if he sees these statements, how can he believe it?

Should I (or someone) say something to her? Or to my nephew? (If my nephew’s mother, my sister-in-law, were still living, I think she’d say something to him. I don’t think his dad would want to rock the boat.)

Should I just stop following her on social media?

GENTLE READER: Yes, if that is the only way to save you from yourself. You are right about the danger of posting qualms about a child, but the damage is done.

So Miss Manners would recommend that you stay far, far away from this. It is personal, both in terms of the racial element and the mother-child relationship, and no good can come from your commenting on it.

Of course, you could argue that your niece started it by putting it out there for public consumption, but you are not the demographic from which she is looking for a response; yours will only exacerbate the situation. Telling a new mother that she is hurting her child will further alienate you from her.

Instead, bolster your grandnephew’s confidence throughout his life by telling him how wonderful, smart and handsome he is (while being careful not to equate any particular skin tone with beauty). Miss Manners feels certain that this is also his mother’s intention, and that what she was posting was not a reflection of her love for the boy.

You will do more good for the relationship and this child’s ultimate well-being this way, than from afar as an estranged family member. Which is what you will likely become if you confront her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you politely correct someone who constantly scrapes their bowl or plate with a fork/spoon?

GENTLE READER: By holding your ears, politely saying “Ooh, ouch,” and then apologizing for having done so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a recent Saturday, after eating lunch, I walked out to where my car was parked on the street. A car pulled up near me and the woman driving asked, “Are you leaving?” I responded, “Not yet.” I realize, in hindsight, that she must have misheard me as saying “Yes.”

I got in my car and got ready to brush my teeth. You see, I have an orthodontic device, and, pursuant to my dentist’s instructions, I have to take it out to eat and then brush my teeth before I put it back in. I had water bottles set up in the car for the purpose of rinsing and spitting.

As I was brushing my teeth, the woman in the other car pulled up in front of me. As I brushed, she occasionally inched closer to my car. Finally, she did a three-point turn and parked on the other side of the street.

This all happened within a matter of minutes. As she walked by, she shouted to me, “I thought you said you were leaving.”

“I said, ‘Not yet,’” I responded.

She then said that I could have pulled up and let her have the spot while I brushed my teeth, and that what I did was rude.

“Really?” I said. When she said “yes,” I responded, “Have a nice life.”

She then said, “Go away! Go back where you come from!” (That was kind of an odd thing to say. This took place in New York, and I’m from Connecticut.) I left, so that was the end of the exchange.

Most of the people I have told about this incident thought that I had the right to keep the spot until I was ready to leave. One friend told me that what he says in such a situation is, “I need a few minutes,” which would be less likely to be heard as “Yes” than what I said.

However, one friend said the kind thing to do would have been to give her the spot and then brush my teeth elsewhere. Honestly, that did not cross my mind at the time. This friend also thought that our exchange was ridiculous for two adults. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: The etiquette around parking spaces is closer to that of checkout lines than that of rental apartments. People at the back of a line can expect those in front of them to make reasonable efforts to expedite things. People moving into a new rental can have no reasonable expectation that you will clear out weeks before your lease expires.

Miss Manners realizes that the person coming and the person going may have different ideas of what is reasonable. Whatever your own definition was, it will go over better if you acknowledge the other party’s needs by appearing to go as quickly as you can. The other party is then expected to refrain from glaring or showing other obvious signs of displeasure.

Had your response to “Are you leaving?” been, “I’m so sorry. I’m almost ready but I do need a minute,” you might have avoided the subsequent unpleasantness.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)