DEAR MISS MANNERS: I underwent major surgery last year. I am recovering well, but it will, of course, take time to be up and moving normally. I live alone, having recently moved to the other side of the country for graduate school.

The people I have met over the last year have been so wonderful! I have had people bring me meals, help me run errands, clean my house and even walk my dog! I could not have asked for a better support network.

I want to acknowledge their kindness and generosity in some way, but am at a loss. Prior to quarantine, I would have hosted a thank-you dinner for everyone, but that is now unwise for their safety and mine. I am also a student, so gift cards (or even moderately priced gifts) are cost-prohibitive for me.

Please, how can I show these people just how much their love and care has meant to me?

GENTLE READER: Write them letters. Those do not cost anything and mean so much. In them, express the desire to reciprocate the kindness should the need arise -- and to get together once restrictions are lifted and your health is restored.

Miss Manners assures you that handwritten letters will have longer-lasting effects than big box store gift cards or strongly scented candles. Well, perhaps not the latter.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have several nieces and nephews. When one of my nieces was the first to get married several years ago, we gave the couple a modest monetary gift. When the next got married, we could afford to give that couple a substantially larger monetary gift.

Another niece is about to be married, and I would like to give the couple the larger amount, but I would also like to “make up the difference” for the first couple so that we are giving equitably to everyone.

What is the correct way to augment the original gift? We will all be at the next wedding (assuming it is safe to do so). Could we give the first couple a card with the additional amount? I am at a loss as to what sentiment would be appropriate to write.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps the balance due to the first couple could be offset by accounting for the inflation that has devalued the subsequent, higher amounts relative to the first.

No, Miss Manners is being facetious. You are concerned that your nieces and nephews know that you love them equally. Etiquette solves this problem with a polite fiction: that all gifts are equally heartfelt.

It is for this reason that price tags are removed before bestowing presents, and it is one of many reasons that Miss Manners objects to cash gifts. Sending the balance to the first niece retroactively invalidates the original gift -- ”I was shortchanged!”

Better to send that niece a nicer-than-usual, non-cash present, with an affectionate, handwritten letter, for her next birthday or anniversary. It will be remembered long after the cash is forgotten.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A business associate bought me an expensive watch to celebrate completing a deal. I wear it whenever I see him, and he never fails to compliment it. But it’s not really my taste, so otherwise it sits in a box at home.

I recently moved homes, and the movers decided to relieve me of the watch, as I had not secured the box.

Next time I see the giver, what do I do? I could replace it, but it’s not where I would prefer to spend my own money. I could fib that it’s out for service. I could tell the truth, but that might sound like I’m asking for another watch.

With no travel currently happening, I have time to await your wise reply.

GENTLE READER: “I am devastated that the watch you gave me somehow got lost in our move. But I am determined to find it, and will not stop looking until I have.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am writing on behalf of a not-for-profit organization. We often have donations made in memory of someone, and we send their families a letter notifying them of the donation.

A young man in our community passed away, and his parents are no longer together. Should we send a donation notification letter to the young man’s mother, father, or one to each of them?

GENTLE READER: One to each. That way, they both have the opportunity to acknowledge the donation. Especially during this tragic time, Miss Manners feels strongly that it would be doing the parents a particular kindness not to give the impression that one parent was better liked than the other.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am planning an outdoor children’s party. Is it tacky to mention to the guests that the food is organic?

It’s not something that can be noticed through taste, and I think the parents will be glad to know that the fruits and veggies their toddlers will (hopefully) be eating are free from harmful pesticides.

Or does it sound like boasting? I think it’s different from saying “These shoes are limited-edition,” because guests will actually get to share the good stuff. Plus, organic food is a health consideration rather than a status symbol.

GENTLE READER: Is it? Some may disagree.

Miss Manners will not argue with you. But she will point out that telling everyone that the food you are serving is not harmful to them plants the idea that other people’s party food was -- which, even if true, is not polite. Best to wait until asked about, or complimented on, the food -- then you can say, “I am so glad you like it. We got it from this little organic place. I can give you the name of it if you’re interested.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper office microwave etiquette, normally? And how does COVID change this?

GENTLE READER: The basic rules are: Take turns, do not cook smelly food, and clean up after yourself. COVID recommendations would also mandate maintaining a safe distance in the break room -- so probably only one person in it at a time. Fortunately, Miss Manners finds that that distance also helps with the smelly food rule -- in the very likely event that it gets broken.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a small, socially distanced church service at a church I don’t regularly go to, although I have been there a couple of times over the past year. A few people there may recognize me.

At the end of the service, the priest announced that it was a parishioner’s 88th birthday. The gentleman in question appeared young and spritely for his age. As I was getting ready to leave, this gentleman approached me, and I wished him a happy birthday. He told me that we had met before, and even had dinner once. He listed off a few names of people who were at this supposed dinner, and then said it was at a certain resort in the 1980s.

Being several decades younger than him, my first thought was, “Oh my, do I look 88 years old?” However, he approached me with such sincerity and confidence that I realized he really did believe I was someone he had dinner with 40 years ago.

I laughed and said that it couldn’t have been me as I was a teenager in the ‘80s, and lived in Florida. He looked a little taken aback, then thanked me for his birthday wishes and walked away.

Having several friends who are dealing with parents with medical conditions that affect their memory, I realize now that maybe there was a more compassionate way to handle the situation. As I age, there may be more situations in which conversations like this arise. What is the best way to respond that would save face for everyone involved?

GENTLE READER: Two offenses were given: neither intentional, both related to age. You were offended when the gentleman mistook you for someone his age; he was offended when you laughed at the idea, thereby emphasizing his own advanced age. (On the positive side, you did not voice your guess that he is going senile.)

Why people are offended about growing older puzzles Miss Manners, but etiquette is about avoiding offending others -- reasonably or not, intentionally or not. The solution here is to edit out all the unnecessary information. Merely mistaking one person for another is slightly embarrassing, but, if handled properly, nothing more.

Miss Manners would therefore have answered with a charming smile and said that while it sounds like a lovely dinner, you are reasonably confident it was someone else -- that you are sorry to have missed the event, but you have never had the pleasure of visiting that resort.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son, 28, and I enjoy golfing together. We are both in good condition and carry our clubs on the course.

A woman I don’t know at the country club recently asked, “Is this your grandson?” Surprised, I just said “No.” Was there a better answer to a question that seemed snarky? Or was I reading too much into it?

GENTLE READER: There are two possible outcomes to such an exchange: The woman walks away embarrassed, or you do. As you were minding your own business, Miss Manners assumes you would prefer the former.

Your response, expressing surprise without snark, is the correct one, and will accomplish this. You may even twist the knife by adding a friendly, open smile, as if to indicate how humorous it is that anyone could draw such a conclusion.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)