DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a widow in my mid-50s, and have been on my own for almost a decade. Occasionally I host informal groups of family or friends.

During the summer, I often plan menus with grilled meat because I have a propane barbecue out on the porch. It is a cantankerous old beast, but I am familiar with its eccentricities and can turn out perfectly respectable steak, chicken and grilled vegetables with little trouble. Plus, the house stays cooler.

However, there is one vexing problem I can’t seem to solve. Three times, after settling my guests indoors with drinks and snacks, I’ve gone outside to get our meals cooked, only to be intercepted by a man -- it’s always a man -- insisting that he will handle the grill.

I have said, “Oh, this won’t take long.” I’ve said, “Thanks, kindly, but I’ve got this.” And it’s as if I never spoke. One of them actually took the tongs and dish of meat right out of my hands!

I’m sure these gentlemen meant well, but I found their actions patronizing -- and more than a little galling when I had to choke down the burnt offerings that resulted (see: cantankerous barbecue). I’ve certainly never had any guest, male or female, insist on taking over the cooking duties in my kitchen -- only the outside grill.

I am hoping for a group visit from my extended family later on, pandemic permitting, but it would be a pity for someone to escape COVID only to meet a grisly end of being beaten to death with barbecue tongs.

Miss Manners, please help me avoid becoming a murderess. What could I have done to put a stop to this pattern? I will give grateful consideration to any advice you may care to vouchsafe.

GENTLE READER: Putting aside the legal and ethical aspects, murdering your male guests is a bad idea because they will die with a perplexed “What did I do?” look on their faces that will be profoundly unsatisfying.

Like you, Miss Manners is convinced these men meant well. If we were to peer inside their heads, we would see a childishly simple logic: “Grilling is men’s work. There is no man of the house. I must come to the rescue.” This does not make their behavior less rude, presumptuous or patronizing. But it provides a solution.

Your “Thank you, I will do this” should be delivered with the tone and bearing of an adult correcting a misguided child: not angry, but stern and unyielding. After you have made clear that this is not a negotiation, you can soothe your guest’s wounded pride with a kind smile or pat on the shoulder, paired with a patronizing, “I know you only wanted to make yourself useful.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m cleaning out belongings and discovered a package that was supposed to have been sent as a wedding gift in 2013 to a friend from college. Obviously, I let it fall through the cracks!

Should I send it after the fact, maybe with a note explaining the situation? Or just let it go?

GENTLE READER: Your indecision about whether or not to send the gift is easy for Miss Manners to understand; your question about whether sending it will require an accompanying note, less so.

Yes, send the gift, and yes, accompany it with a humorous -- and apologetic -- letter.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I became fast friends and drinking buddies with an (essentially) married couple and the wife’s business partner and close friend, a married man. They helped me through some hard times, although I don’t hang out with them much anymore.

The wife, Arlene, and the partner, Josh, were often together because of their work, and she considers him like a brother. I’ve been single for years, and Josh apparently developed a crush on me. I’ve never had similar feelings, in spite of enjoying his personality -- besides, he’s married. He also has serious weight issues, and I would consider both him and Arlene heavy drinkers.

But Arlene consistently mentioned how she thought Josh just needed a “good woman” to get him out of his marriage. She has flat-out told me numerous times she thinks he went on such-and-such diet hoping to date me.

I made it clear to her from Day 1 that I won’t engage with someone who is married -- happily or not -- and that I don’t have those feelings towards Josh.

Fast-forward to a long-overdue, socially distanced dinner with Arlene, where she mentioned that she really thinks Josh and I would be great together. I lost my patience and point-blank said, “I will never be romantically attracted to Josh.”

She looked like I’d just stolen her beloved cat. How can I dissuade these continuous comments, and what is the correct way to respond?

GENTLE READER: One way to respond is to understand that someone who -- for whatever strange reason -- has no respect for either your wishes or your principles is not your friend. Then if Arlene chooses to pout, you need not attempt to mollify her.

If, for whatever strange reasons of your own, you want to continue the relationship, Miss Manners suggests putting the matter before Josh. As he has apparently not made direct overtures to you, you are free to treat him as another victim of Arlene’s delusion.

“I suppose Arlene must mean well,” you can tell him, “but she is embarrassing us both by trying to promote an adulterous relationship between us. Under any circumstances, a romance between us will always be out of the question, although I hope we will remain friends. She doesn’t listen to me, so please tell her that you don’t want her pestering me on your supposed behalf.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We had been invited to a wedding this fall. Due to the pandemic, a small ceremony will still take place; however, the celebration will be postponed. (No date set as I write this.)

When is it appropriate to give a wedding gift? At the time of the ceremony, which we will not attend, or at the celebration?

GENTLE READER: Now. You were invited, presumably to be reinvited when possible, and the couple, whom Miss Manners assumes you want to please, is getting married. That is the reason for giving a wedding present -- not as admission to the wedding.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know in this current pandemic, there are pressing issues to discuss; however, I would appreciate your feedback on this board game question.

My sweet, loving wife and I have begun to play Scrabble together, but now we are in disagreement on fair play. Apparently, she has become quite good at Words With Friends, a smartphone app similar to Scrabble, which I frequently see her playing while I read or watch a movie.

Here is our conflict:

In Scrabble, my loving wife will play two-letter words in crossword style to generate several words for triple-word points, and when I challenge her on their meaning, she doesn’t know or can’t explain their context. She defers to the Scrabble dictionary online.

She is usually correct: For example, did you know TA is a saying of gratitude, and BA is a name for the eternal soul in Egyptian mythology?

She didn’t, either. But she got the bonus points, and I lost a turn by challenging.

Words With Friends has no requirement for knowing the meaning of words you play, but I think respectable Scrabble players should know the words they play. That way, they learn and build their vocabulary, too!

My wife (she probably now loves me a bit less) now refuses to play with me because I think it’s a reasonable request to know the meaning of words you use.

GENTLE READER: Are you certain there are issues more “pressing” than preserving your marriage during these difficult times? Like what?

Besides, your once-loving wife IS building her vocabulary because you keep challenging those words, thus requiring her to look them up. Not much comfort for you, Miss Manners dares say.

In the interest of marital peace, she suggests that you build your own vocabulary -- faster. Online, you can find a list of two-letter words. Learn them in order to use them yourself, and to know when to issue a challenge.

Or persuade your wife to play chess with you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I come from a very traditional family that hosts large gatherings and events regularly. They insist on having a guest book at these events. There is no room in these books for anything other than the attendees’ names.

I understand their usefulness for events that do not have invitations, but otherwise find them cumbersome and think they become clutter. When I get married, I would prefer not to have one. Am I committing an etiquette faux pas?

GENTLE READER: Such books are most useful at funerals, when the family is not in a position to keep track of who attended.

Otherwise, it is hosts, not guests, who love them. Miss Manners can only admire guests who are adroit at producing clever remarks or drawings on the spot, as she is not among them.

And your family is not even asking for that. Unless they are teenagers posting open invitations when their parents are out of town, they should already have the names and addresses -- and acceptances -- of their guests, so there seems little point in these books, except as souvenirs.

But etiquette takes no position on the question. Your relatives are not wrong to maintain such books, and you will not be wrong to omit one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)