DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a handyman, George, whom we have used for several years. He was originally recommended to us by a close friend, and a small group of us keep him pretty busy.

My husband and I have come to rely on George as a reliable and trustworthy helper, as we have aged out of doing many tasks ourselves, and we pay him generously. We have also learned George’s strengths and weaknesses: For instance, he is a terrible painter and a so-so landscaper, but a great plumber and a good electrician.

On two occasions, different neighbors have approached George when he is outside our house and inquired as to his availability to do jobs for them. I feel that this is 1. somewhat rude and 2. potentially unwise. Instead, I think that they should ask my husband and I whether we mind their “poaching” our employee. If they are wise, they should also ask our opinion of his skills.

I might add that on both occasions, the neighbors hired him and were disappointed by the painting work he did for them, which resulted in minor disputes over what he charged them.

Am I wrong to think that a neighbor should do us the courtesy of asking before trying to hire our handyman?

GENTLE READER: Your neighbors are properly barred from helping themselves to time you are paying for. Time for which you are not paying still belongs to George.

In theory, this means that asking a gardener for his card while you walk by him seeding the lawn is acceptable, if the exchange is quick. In practice, such requests usually lead to a longer discussion, which, if visible to George’s current employer, will be resented if he is being paid by the hour.

For that reason -- and to avoid the subsequent problem with George’s painting skills -- your neighbor would have been smarter to come to you for a recommendation. But you were saved the discomfort of admitting that George forgets to paint the wall behind the couch -- and afforded the revenge, without looking too ungracious, of pointing out that you could have saved them some trouble.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Growing up, I was always taught to set the table by putting the fork and knife on the right side of the plate, on top of the napkin. Placing them on the napkin prevented the fork and knife from touching the bare table.

Now I know it’s napkin, fork, plate, knife -- all in a row. Is it OK that the fork and knife are directly on the table, or does doing it this way properly require a placemat or tablecloth?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette makes no objection to forks or knives coming into direct contact with the table. And Miss Manners notes that, unless the meal is at a picnic table, it is just as likely to be sanitary as a placemat or tablecloth, since hosts who forget to keep the table clean are equally likely to be absent-minded about the cutlery.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My cousin “omitted” to tell me that her husband tested positive for COVID while he was abroad.

We have been talking quite often during this time, and when she expressed her fears regarding the virus, I assured her that any person can take some basic steps to prevent contamination.

She had mentioned that some of his colleagues were found sick, but never said anything about her husband. She only confessed that he had been sick after he returned, probably thinking that I might have found out anyway from another source.

Her attitude was, “He tested positive; haven’t I told you?” No. You haven’t. “Um, OK. He was sick, but he’s fine now. He’s doing well, and we expect a quick recovery.”

There was no other information after this news. I have had mixed feelings considering the dishonesty and lack of communication, and I have even questioned our friendship.

Later, I felt a little sorry for her situation, and planned to make a sympathy call to ask her if they needed any help. Just minutes before this planned call, a relative mentioned that my cousin’s family went on a trip to the mountains together with his brother’s family.

I feel very confused, and I don’t know how to proceed when I see her next.

GENTLE READER: If your cousin had come to dinner without telling you her husband’s medical condition, Miss Manners would better understand your complaint. Such an omission could have put your family at risk.

But she did not. She did not even omit to tell you -- she simply delayed, possibly out of embarrassment, and then tried to cover that delay in a clumsy way.

None of this makes you the victim. Since it is past time for you to express sympathy and support, when you do call, you may have to accept gracefully any coolness of tone on the part of your cousin.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend’s wedding was postponed from last spring due to COVID-19. I had RSVP’d yes before positive cases in my state soared.

I have now rescinded my RSVP, because the event is unsafe. The bride is angry and doesn’t believe the deadly pandemic is real. Should I still send a gift?

GENTLE READER: Whether you should want to send a present will depend on how significant a rift was caused when you told the bride that she was endangering people’s lives.

It was once enough for Miss Manners to point out that doing so is not more polite simply because it is true. This was in the days when public health pronouncements were made by trained officials to the public (for whom there was always an exception to the above rule), rather than the other way around.

It remains true that the bride is unlikely to take the news well. A present might heal the rift, and you can even order it online while you are on the telephone discouraging Grandma from attending.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the second year in a row, my friend forgot my birthday. Over 20 years ago, when we first became friends, she started the tradition of giving me an inexpensive token gift to mark my birthday. The emphasis was always on the thought rather than the expense. Each year, I responded similarly on her birthday, which is several months later.

When she married, she and her husband started calling me on my birthday to sing “Happy Birthday,” as well as giving me a token gift when next we met.

I honestly think my birthday just slipped off her calendar and that it is an oversight. After all, she was the one who started the tradition of thoughtfulness.

Last year, I proceeded as if I hadn’t noticed, and gave them token gifts when I saw them. How should I proceed this year? It’s clear that my birthday is no longer on her calendar, and is not likely to return.

We often talk by phone and used to attend a lot of cultural events together. Since we won’t be seeing each other due to the pandemic, it will be easy to let the gift tradition slide.

I would like to at least text them a greeting on their special days, but feel awkward. Would it be an impolite reminder that they forgot mine?

GENTLE READER: It may well remind them, but that does not make your courtesy into a reminder.

Miss Manners would like to congratulate you -- not so much because you had a birthday, but for refraining from being morose about your friends’ omission. She often hears from less mature celebrants who consider their birthdays to be tests of whether their friends meet their expectations.

Such little customs do slide off, which should not be cause for grievance. This friendship seems to be continuing, so you should feel neither obligated nor banned from offering them birthday greetings, without regard to whether they do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a young woman whose mother passed away. I am looking for advice on how to appropriately interact with my mother’s family members, from whom I am estranged, at her memorial. I did not hear from any of her siblings or adult nieces and nephews during her long illness, or since her death, so our estrangement runs deep. I know a memorial is no place to air grievances, but I also do not wish to be hugged by these relatives or to exchange warm pleasantries.

GENTLE READER: Wear a black veil covering your face. As these are rarely worn nowadays, they are all the more indicative of deep mourning, signaling that you are fragile. (They also shield signs of crying, with less of an air of jauntiness than their modern substitute, sunglasses.) The seriousness of formal mourning ought to remind your relatives of the obligations that they skipped.

Alternatively, Miss Manners should note that a hand held in the “stop” position to ward off any close approach is no longer insulting in the age of social distancing. You could also ask a friend to steer you away when necessary.

But please do this subtly enough so that it is neither conspicuous nor confrontational. As you have stated, this is not the occasion to make any sort of scene.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)