DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have hosted a Thanksgiving party for family (around 30 people) every year for the past 12 years, always on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Although we still send out invitations for the event, everyone has come to expect to spend that day at our home.

Some of the younger relatives even travel from both coasts to our home in the Midwest. (I know: We are SO lucky!)

However, we have decided that we are not comfortable hosting the party this year, due to the pandemic. Should we send out announcements now that we don’t plan on hosting? Or maybe just call/text/email everyone? Or just not send the usual invitations six weeks prior to the holiday?

No one has inquired yet as to our plans, but I’m afraid they may just be assuming that we still intend to host.

GENTLE READER: Yes, you should let them know fast -- by call, text or email.

There does exist a formal way of announcing that one is not asking for “the pleasure of your company”: It is that the hosts “... regret to announce that (event) will not take place.” But this is reserved for occasions such as canceled weddings, where there is a vain hope of not having to tell everybody why.

In the current situation, everyone would know why. Yet confirmation of the cancellation, in case there is some accommodation or alternative plan, would be welcome.

It would also be cheering to know that there is hope for the future, and a couple of Miss Manners’ acquaintance managed this in a charming way. Along with their regret at not being able to give their annual party this year, they sent an invitation for the party to take place in 2021.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I began carrying a handkerchief years ago, at your urging. During this pandemic, I have found it very useful for wiping my eyes, opening doors and generally protecting me from unsanitary surfaces, along with the more obvious historical uses (aside from dropping them on the ground to attract gentlemen).

The more I use them, the more I wonder: What is the proper way to carry them? I rarely have a long sleeve to tuck it into, so it’s in my purse; is that OK? Do you have an opinion on cotton vs. linen? After using it, should I fold it carefully and tuck it away, or is it acceptable to roll it into a ball? Does color matter? How about size?

GENTLE READER: These days, even gentlemen would probably not be inclined to pick up a stranger’s handkerchief for any reason.

But the other uses are valuable, provided you separate them, and don’t go from doorknob to eyes. And while you must crumple it after use, rather than refold it, you get to choose the size, color, material and where to stash it.

Miss Manners is dismayed that the handkerchief is in bad repute by those who fear it is not sanitized sufficiently, and that tissues are in bad repute by those who fear their damage to the environment.

Yet they both have their uses. Handkerchiefs are prettier.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Prior to the pandemic, I used to meet up with an old friend of nearly 20 years a few nights a week at a local watering hole, and we would also watch football together on Sundays at my house.

Come March, the pandemic hit and we all quarantined: me with my college-aged daughter and him by himself. We kept in touch, and when I would order groceries, I would get him food as well, keeping some distance while I delivered to his back door.

Well, restrictions were loosened, and we have both tested negative for the coronavirus (so has my daughter). The bars and restaurants are only starting to reopen now, but for the past six weeks, he has taken an Uber to my house every night for “porch drinking,” which consists of him drinking large amounts of whiskey (which he brings) and retelling the same stories I have heard before.

One night he came over while I was sleeping (I had taken a late afternoon nap), helped himself to a drink, and started drinking and smoking on my back porch.

He arrives with no invitation. On the few occasions where I have brought this up, he has said he will never “grace me with his presence again,” adding that his lease is running out anyway, so he will just move elsewhere. But the next day, lo and behold, he shows up on my porch and says he doesn’t remember saying anything like that, then promptly starts drinking.

One time I sent him away, and he then claimed he was going to visit relatives in another state the next day, and would catch up with me in a month when he returned. He showed up at my house the next night.

I liked the previous arrangement. It was at a neutral location, and I could go to the bar if and when I wanted to, and stay only as long as I wanted. Now I just feel trapped in my own home.

GENTLE READER: This man’s relatives seem to have learned to do what you have not: how to become unavailable, even though family concern over his behavior seems to be warranted.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I introduce my son‘s ex-wife, who is still very much a beloved member of the family?

GENTLE READER: By using her name. Yes, people are nosy and enjoy context, but Miss Manners assures you that that does not require you to succumb to it.

If there are follow-up questions, you may dismiss them with, “She’s a dear member of the family.” If it’s applicable and you really want to give them pause, “Her children are our grandchildren” should sufficiently confuse them into silence.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In all ways and to all people, friends and blood relations alike, my lovely wife is loyal and helpful. But during the “shelter in place” situation, she has shown irritability toward me at various times. This is the first time this has happened in 52 years of marriage.

Should I let these odd moments pass or should I give her “feedback” on what I perceive as a change in personality?

GENTLE READER: It depends upon how that feedback is phrased. “Why have you become a raving lunatic?” is not recommended.

Miss Manners suggests that you focus instead on the solution, not on the behavior. “You seem annoyed with me, dear. Perhaps we should take some time apart and work in separate rooms.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a state that requires a face covering when in public during the pandemic. Restaurants have now reopened, and masks can be removed while eating (obviously), but must be worn while entering and leaving the building and while visiting the restroom.

What should be done with a “soiled” mask while eating, when it will be needed later? Must I carry a supply of masks and use a new one each time? What is to be done with the used ones? I am sure the waitstaff does not want to collect them, yet I really don’t want them back in my purse, either.

Something new to worry about!

GENTLE READER: Someone should -- or perhaps already has -- invent a mask keeper. In the meantime, much as with a soiled handkerchief, the mask should be strategically gathered so as not to outwardly expose any fluids, then loosely placed on top of a purse or into a pocket. Much like handkerchiefs vs. tissue, there is something slightly more gross about keeping an item that should be disposed of, but isn’t.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m bothered by the fact that a family member likes to point out my flaws. He does this in person or on the phone, in private or in front of a group. Rare is the time that he doesn’t bring up what he thinks I need to work on.

Although I have asked him in the past not to do it, he hasn’t stopped. He is older than me and so I try to be respectful, but this constant harangue is damaging my mental health, and avoiding him isn’t feasible in the long run. I’m all out of options since he doesn’t think he needs to change.

GENTLE READER: “I respect your opinion, but I seem to be unable to please you, no matter how hard I try. If you could give me some time to reflect on your suggestions, rather than pepper me with new ones, I think your recommendations would be much more beneficial.”

If this is not effective in private, you have Miss Manners’ permission, during any subsequent public occurrences, to say: “Uncle Horace, we talked about this. You promised to give me a chance to work on your last critique before issuing a new one” -- whether or not Uncle Horace actually promised. Because now you will have witnesses -- and presumably allies -- who will probably take your side.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)