DEAR MISS MANNERS: Prior to the pandemic, I used to meet up with an old friend of nearly 20 years a few nights a week at a local watering hole, and we would also watch football together on Sundays at my house.

Come March, the pandemic hit and we all quarantined: me with my college-aged daughter and him by himself. We kept in touch, and when I would order groceries, I would get him food as well, keeping some distance while I delivered to his back door.

Well, restrictions were loosened, and we have both tested negative for the coronavirus (so has my daughter). The bars and restaurants are only starting to reopen now, but for the past six weeks, he has taken an Uber to my house every night for “porch drinking,” which consists of him drinking large amounts of whiskey (which he brings) and retelling the same stories I have heard before.

One night he came over while I was sleeping (I had taken a late afternoon nap), helped himself to a drink, and started drinking and smoking on my back porch.

He arrives with no invitation. On the few occasions where I have brought this up, he has said he will never “grace me with his presence again,” adding that his lease is running out anyway, so he will just move elsewhere. But the next day, lo and behold, he shows up on my porch and says he doesn’t remember saying anything like that, then promptly starts drinking.

One time I sent him away, and he then claimed he was going to visit relatives in another state the next day, and would catch up with me in a month when he returned. He showed up at my house the next night.

I liked the previous arrangement. It was at a neutral location, and I could go to the bar if and when I wanted to, and stay only as long as I wanted. Now I just feel trapped in my own home.

GENTLE READER: This man’s relatives seem to have learned to do what you have not: how to become unavailable, even though family concern over his behavior seems to be warranted.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I introduce my son‘s ex-wife, who is still very much a beloved member of the family?

GENTLE READER: By using her name. Yes, people are nosy and enjoy context, but Miss Manners assures you that that does not require you to succumb to it.

If there are follow-up questions, you may dismiss them with, “She’s a dear member of the family.” If it’s applicable and you really want to give them pause, “Her children are our grandchildren” should sufficiently confuse them into silence.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In all ways and to all people, friends and blood relations alike, my lovely wife is loyal and helpful. But during the “shelter in place” situation, she has shown irritability toward me at various times. This is the first time this has happened in 52 years of marriage.

Should I let these odd moments pass or should I give her “feedback” on what I perceive as a change in personality?

GENTLE READER: It depends upon how that feedback is phrased. “Why have you become a raving lunatic?” is not recommended.

Miss Manners suggests that you focus instead on the solution, not on the behavior. “You seem annoyed with me, dear. Perhaps we should take some time apart and work in separate rooms.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a state that requires a face covering when in public during the pandemic. Restaurants have now reopened, and masks can be removed while eating (obviously), but must be worn while entering and leaving the building and while visiting the restroom.

What should be done with a “soiled” mask while eating, when it will be needed later? Must I carry a supply of masks and use a new one each time? What is to be done with the used ones? I am sure the waitstaff does not want to collect them, yet I really don’t want them back in my purse, either.

Something new to worry about!

GENTLE READER: Someone should -- or perhaps already has -- invent a mask keeper. In the meantime, much as with a soiled handkerchief, the mask should be strategically gathered so as not to outwardly expose any fluids, then loosely placed on top of a purse or into a pocket. Much like handkerchiefs vs. tissue, there is something slightly more gross about keeping an item that should be disposed of, but isn’t.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m bothered by the fact that a family member likes to point out my flaws. He does this in person or on the phone, in private or in front of a group. Rare is the time that he doesn’t bring up what he thinks I need to work on.

Although I have asked him in the past not to do it, he hasn’t stopped. He is older than me and so I try to be respectful, but this constant harangue is damaging my mental health, and avoiding him isn’t feasible in the long run. I’m all out of options since he doesn’t think he needs to change.

GENTLE READER: “I respect your opinion, but I seem to be unable to please you, no matter how hard I try. If you could give me some time to reflect on your suggestions, rather than pepper me with new ones, I think your recommendations would be much more beneficial.”

If this is not effective in private, you have Miss Manners’ permission, during any subsequent public occurrences, to say: “Uncle Horace, we talked about this. You promised to give me a chance to work on your last critique before issuing a new one” -- whether or not Uncle Horace actually promised. Because now you will have witnesses -- and presumably allies -- who will probably take your side.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the heartbroken mother of my only son (and youngest child), who is to be married soon. Due to COVID-19, he and his fiancee are having a backyard wedding. They discuss nothing at all with us.

Her father is unable to pay for his daughter’s wedding. He can only afford to pay for the DJ, photo booth and liquor at the reception, so my son has taken on the bulk of the responsibility. My husband and I are trying to help out: We gave them a lovely Hawaiian honeymoon at one of our lush timeshare resorts, and bought his fiancee’s engagement ring to go with the wedding band. We are paying for the tents, tables, lighting, dance floor package, etc., and will pay for tux rentals, boutonnieres, bouquets and a few other things on the list.

My son claims that this is their wedding, and all we need to do is show up. He didn’t even speak to me about the song for our mother/son dance. He picked it out already.

I was looking forward to making some candle centerpieces for their tables, and my future daughter-in-law seemed to be on the same page with me. All design decisions would be theirs, but since I’d had no other chance to do something personal for their wedding, and have been stuck at home with a disability, making the centerpieces meant a lot to me. Suddenly, I was told they had decided to streamline the wedding, and didn’t need the candles. I am very hurt.

Am I being selfish? Do I have a right to be selfish, or am I wrong? I feel like they are the ones who are being selfish, to not include their parents in any way.

GENTLE READER: While you should expect your son and his fiancee to be grateful for your financial generosity, Miss Manners does not see the connection between that and your question.

She suspects that all have been anesthetized by advertising campaigns (not just ones orchestrated by professionals, but less formal ones by friends and family) that acknowledge the pricelessness of love, friendship and family -- and then go on to state a price.

Your financial generosity is lovely. It is always thoughtful of a son to seek his mother’s advice. The two are not related: You would, rightly, be highly offended if he quoted you a price for choosing the song for your dance.

Please suppress the idea that you have somehow been cheated, and tell your son that it would mean a lot to you if you could do something personal for the wedding. Such an appeal will not only be harder for your son to resist, it will be cheaper.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I address a sympathy card to a widow, whom I have never met, of a client?

GENTLE READER: Reaching out to the widow of someone you knew professionally is a thoughtful way to demonstrate respect for the dead, but it requires a handwritten letter, not a mere card, because there is much to say.

First, introduce yourself, explaining your connection to the deceased, and then express your condolences in the normal way. End with a brief anecdote or recollection about the deceased that shows him in a good light, and of which the widow may not have been aware. Miss Manners considers the extra time this will take to be well spent, and trusts that you will as well.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)