DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please advise on how to converse in three (or more!) COVID “pods.” One couple is seated in each pod -- socially distanced, masked and alfresco -- but with no chance to circulate, except by changing seats with the other in the same pod.

As a host, I find that three separate conversations can take place simultaneously within three pods, and as guests must speak loudly to make up for the distance, the resulting sound levels, confusion, cross-talk and distractions are stressful and not enjoyable. I prefer that one person per pod speak at a time, with all others remaining silent, and the “baton” move from pod to pod as conversation flows.

When hosting, I encourage guests to speak and I remain silent while they are speaking. When a guest, I yield to the hosts and to other guests.

Needless to say, my wife disagrees and feels that guests should not be “controlled,” including by good example, if that penetrates their general obliviousness. She feels the noise level is a metric of sorts for the “success” of the event, and that I yield too readily to others.

Perhaps conversations at circular dining tables provide some lessons.

GENTLE READER: Hospitable people often have the mistaken idea that it would be an affront to offer guests any guidance.

Nonsense. Look at the way they hang bashfully around a private buffet table (there are no such inhibitions about a commercial one) until the host has to keep repeating, “Please go ahead” and handing the nearest guest a plate. Or if there is no seating plan, the way they stick to their own spouses, as if parties were a good time to discuss their problems with their computers or their children.

It is only when a social routine is well known to all participants that instruction does not seem necessary. (But Miss Manners has been kept busy with complaints about those who break the rules -- such as hosts who are vague about time and degree of formality, and guests who don’t give, or keep, definitive commitments.)

However, the socially distanced dinner party is a new form, in need of some order. It does bear resemblance to the round dinner table, where there is generally one conversation, but without the occasional opportunity for soft, side-by-side talk. And while a party of eight would be fine if seated together, more than six now would require a lot of acreage and handheld microphones.

It is not impolite to suggest that keeping to one conversation will make this work, and to ask if anyone would care to begin, or, for that matter, if one of the guests would like to lead it. If not, the hosts should be prepared with some opening lines. And along the way, they will have to keep reasonable order, with such prodding as, “I think Jenna wants to say something about that,” “But what do you think, Adam?” and “Just a second, Andy; I don’t think Chris is finished.”

Gentle guidance will save you from an unpleasantly chaotic evening punctuated by shouts of “What?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an old single guy with no children, and as such, I feel I should be exempt from being expected to watch others’ “birthin’” videos. I know I can say “No, thank you,” but is it inappropriate of me to offer to watch a video of the conception instead?

GENTLE READER: Just please promise not to say that Miss Manners encouraged you by laughing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner of 25+ years has a huge local extended family. They regularly and frequently gather for holidays, birthdays and minor celebrations. The celebration population varies from 25-50 people, from infants to septuagenarians.

These celebrations have continued well into the COVID-19 pandemic. No behavior has been modified. No face masks, no social distancing. Potlucks and hugs all around.

I told my partner I am not participating in any future family celebrations until a vaccine is available.

I am now the bad guy. Not only am I “pooping the party,” but I am also holding the family’s favorite uncle hostage. (Staying home with me was his free choice, but he is not happy with my convictions, either.)

I do not wish to offend, but I feel my position holds substantial merit and follows the guidelines and laws of our state and local municipalities. Also, my partner falls into the vulnerable population of potential COVID-19 fatalities.

How to proceed politely to maintain family harmony, both extended and within my own household, without apologizing for upholding the law?

GENTLE READER: You might remind them that the future well-being of their favorite uncle is dependent on his being kept healthy and safe.

But Miss Manners supposes that that will poop on the party, as well. As a compromise, you might promise a blowout party, sometime in the vague future when all of this is over, hosted by you and your partner. In the meantime, you are available for planning and socializing via videoconference. So’s their uncle.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter has a habit of acknowledging my birthday and other holidays with a text in lieu of a card -- or, preferably, a phone call.

This year, she sent a “Happy Father’s Day” text, which I did not immediately respond to. After several hours, she sent another text. I don’t want to encourage this type of holiday greeting, as I consider it lazy and disrespectful.

I sent her flowers for both Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day, and her acknowledgment came in the form of a thank-you text.

Are we at the point that a text is socially acceptable as a way to say “thank you” for a gift? Do I need to reevaluate how I perceive things? Assuming that it is not an acceptable form of communication, is there a polite way to try to get some sort of upgraded acknowledgment or response?

I’m not particularly happy that I’m writing, and feel like a grouch.

GENTLE READER: If you would like her to communicate, then communicate.

She is your daughter, and it is never too late to parent adult children -- particularly in regard to their behavior toward you.

But treating what she may consider a perfectly acceptable greeting with silence, Miss Manners points out, is actually the larger transgression.

If you do not like the method with which she is communicating, tell her. “Texts feel so impersonal. I would love to hear from you. When is a good time to talk on the telephone?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How much rude and boorish behavior should a host tolerate from a guest before saying something?

We invited some family members over for dinner whom we had not socialized with in some time. They first asked if they could come at 5 p.m., their normal dinnertime; ours is more like 6:30. I offered what I considered a reasonable compromise of 5:30. They arrived at 5:15.

They offered to bring appetizers, which turned out to be a store-bought container of cheese dip (and no crackers).

Dinner was served buffet style, and we allowed the guests to go first. Under similar circumstances, my wife and I would have waited until everyone was seated before starting our meal, but they had no such standards. It also made it too awkward to practice our normal custom of saying grace before the meal.

We did enjoy each others’ company over the evening. The male family member is very outgoing and gregarious. He dominated every conversation to the point of excluding the rest of us. If we were talking, he would simply interrupt or talk loudly over us.

This behavior worsened as the evening -- and alcohol consumption -- continued. After being interrupted several times, I politely asked that he allow me to finish my conversation. A second time, I simply turned to him and asked that he “Stop. Talking.” Neither of these suggestions took hold, so I eventually snapped, raised my voice and said, “Please. Stop. Talking.”

Now I am the pariah of the family, while he is still everyone’s darling boy. What should I have done differently?

GENTLE READER: Buried deep inside your story, you mention that you do actually enjoy this family’s company. Let us try to remember that.

Because while Miss Manners does not insist that you endure rude and boorish behavior, she notices that you seem predetermined to find offenses that, even according to her high standards, do not seem intolerable.

While it is true that hosts should dictate the meal time, reasonable requests can be accommodated. You mentioned no specific reason for the later dinnertime, so why not grant their request -- rather than subject yourself to frustrating and fruitless negotiation?

The lack of crackers and premature seating are also relatively minor infractions, but they obviously gained significance as they built to the point of your explosion. And in etiquette terms, it was an explosion. Insisting during a lively discussion that someone stop talking, when in that person’s mind he was merely being exuberant, is jarring. So while the behavior on his part was rude, your reaction to it was more so.

Instead, ceasing your own conversation until he was finally finished and then quietly and good-naturedly saying, “I wonder if the others could have a turn now. It was bit hard to hear over you,” would have accomplished the same thing. Or at least would have kept the other relatives from turning on you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A family member uses their middle finger, rather than the index finger, when operating devices or pushing buttons. Is this something worth addressing?

GENTLE READER: Only if the finger is being lifted and extended to you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)