DEAR MISS MANNERS: It often happens these days that I am sent an email from a friend or family member containing a claim or allegation, usually political in nature -- e.g. “Candidate So-and-so is actually a lizard alien.” (They are usually not quite so obvious, of course.)

Upon checking credible sources, I find that the claim is false -- aka not true, fake news, A Big Fat Lie. I reply (courteously!) to the sender and let them know, including links so they can check for themselves.

Thus far, I have no qualms. However, it often happens that the email I receive has been forwarded several times, without removing previous senders and recipients’ names and email addresses. Therefore, I am 1. aware that many other people have received this false information, and 2. in possession of a way to contact them.

What is my ethical obligation to these people? Should I include them in my reply to the sender? This seems uncomfortable, since I don’t know most of them. On the other hand, false news and rumors are such an enormous problem today that I also feel an ethical obligation to alert people when they’ve received such things. And of course, I always harbor the hope that alerting them will also make them more careful in the future about what they send on.

What is the correct thing to do here?

GENTLE READER: Although she does not doubt the accuracy of your research, Miss Manners worries that the other recipients may feel about any correction from you the same way you felt about the original: bothered and aggrieved.

Once everyone starts shouting, the neighbors are more interested in restoring silence than in parsing who is correct. She therefore counsels you not to copy others unless your response is short and contains information they need -- such as the desire that you be dropped from the thread.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whether it’s work or personal email, often the person I’ve messaged has answered a question I didn’t ask, or only answered one in a list of many (separated for clarification). How can I politely say, “Go back and actually read the email I just sent you”?

I am having to interact multiple times simply because they have not read the content carefully. I don’t appreciate wasting my time or having to repeat myself, and it is negatively affecting the way I view these people.

GENTLE READER: The frustration of talking to someone who is not listening predates email, as does the solution: repeating yourself until you get a response -- with as much patience as you can muster.

Miss Manners realizes this is an imperfect answer, so she appends her own sympathy, and offers a shortcut: copy and paste.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the most polite way to ask about the possibility of returning a gift? Signed, Four Sizes Too Small

GENTLE READER: With the truth plus a bit of sugar: “I just adore it, but of course you didn’t know my size. I’m so sorry to trouble you, but could you please tell me where you got it so I can exchange it?” Miss Manners urges you to assume as much of the burden for effecting the exchange as is practically possible.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve been invited to a gender reveal party, being held virtually due to COVID-19, and I’m not sure which facial expressions to bring to the event.

The expectant parents have implied that, after two daughters, they’d like a boy. So how should I react if the balloons are released and they’re expecting another girl? Do I frown and express my regrets? If it’s a boy, should I put on a wide smile and say I’m glad for them?

I’m happy to celebrate the upcoming birth, but find it uncomfortable to prioritize the child’s sex with an awkward event such as this, particularly when I know the parents’ inclinations. Unfortunately, my laptop will be capturing my face in close-up, so I need Miss Manners’ advice, including her acting skills.

GENTLE READER: If there is anything sillier than a gender reveal party, it is one given by parents who have made their wishes explicit. Miss Manners wonders what their own faces will register if they receive unwelcome information -- and which of their guests will, years later, let this slip to the disappointing child.

If you must attend this event, she suggests that the “reveal” would be a good moment to try on your mask.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter’s boyfriend is proposing next week, and we are planning on going to dinner with his parents afterwards. How do we handle the bill? Which parents pay?

GENTLE READER: Whichever set of parents invited everyone are the hosts, and therefore responsible for the bill. But Miss Manners is hoping to hear that neither couple did; that it was the young gentleman himself who issued the dinner invitations.

That would be charming of him, indicating a desire to mark the new relationship that will affect both families. As he has confided his plans to you, such is presumably the case.

However, it would be less charming if either set of parents had told him that he should report in after such an intimate occasion. Nor should they usurp the symbolism of his being an adult who is establishing his own household. There will be plenty of occasions on which parents can entertain the new couple, but this is one in which the person who issued the crucial proposal should take charge of related events.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Out of habit, when I make a purchase, I routinely say “thank you” at the end of the transaction. It is my expectation that the person on the other end of the transaction say the same thing, and most do. But some, mostly younger people, respond with “You’re welcome.”

I am rather put-off by this. I would expect the customer to be told “thank you” even if the customer says it first. Thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Is there not enough rudeness around, that you must quibble with courtesy?

It is pleasant, but not obligatory, for cashiers and customers to thank each other. But the correct response to “Thank you” is “You are welcome.” Miss Manners is pleased that it has not been entirely replaced by “No problem.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a person is facing someone behaving badly, your advice is invariably to politely/quietly distance yourself from that person. This is certainly excellent for avoiding a confrontation, but also does very little to actually improve the situation in the future.

As a society, we enforce good manners socially (and very rarely legally), but if we constantly avoid confrontation, how can that enforcement actually work?

Avoidance/mild comments do send a message, but many times these behaviors are not practical -- nor, frankly, are they obvious enough (without being rude) to actually influence poor behavior.

I am not asking permission to be rude or unnecessarily confrontational, but there must be some middle ground. How do we successfully operate in that middle ground without unintentionally being rude?

GENTLE READER: No, no, Miss Manners must first correct your premise. She cannot even imagine a life in which there are no confrontations. It would have to be either unbelievably conflict-free, or hopelessly amoral and spineless.

The key questions about confrontations are “why” and “how.”

One problem, as you realize, is how to stand up forcefully for oneself or one’s principles without stooping to rudeness. But there is also an intensely practical aspect: Does the form of confrontation serve the purpose? Will it change bad behavior?

In some cases -- as, for example, when citizens strive for a systemic change -- it takes perseverance and fortitude. In others -- such as dealing with one’s bigoted old uncle -- the wiser course may be to refrain from prodding him by keeping off the offensive subjects. And scolding strangers in the street just makes them act worse.

In none of these situations does rudeness lead to success. That is why official arenas handling conflict --courts, legislatures, sports -- have strict etiquette rules so that both sides are supposed to restrain from unproductive antagonisms.

Protesters win adherents by cultivating empathy, not by attacking potential supporters. Individuals are not open to instruction from people who do not show them some basic respect.

Typically, when Miss Manners advises avoiding confrontation, it is in situations where there is nothing to be gained -- and possibly much to lose, as these often escalate to fights and possibly violence. Sometimes it is an associate with whom a conflict would be unproductive as well as disruptive. Nowadays, the most common instance is the person who wants to chastise a stranger for not wearing a mask, but whose presence is exactly what must be avoided.

Miss Manners’ advice is not to be understood as a failure to defend oneself or to stand up for what is right. While it is meant to discourage unnecessary abrasiveness in everyday life, it is also meant to discourage wasting emotion counterproductively. And letting offensive or unsafe people get in your face.

Yet she thoroughly understands the satisfaction of registering objections to misbehavior. That is why she is happy to supply polite ways of doing so: responding to unwarranted criticism with “I’m glad you like it,” and to nosiness with “Thank you for your interest in my private business.” These can provide dignified withdrawal from what are obviously losing battles.

Inevitably, some Gentle Reader will then denounce these approaches as “passive-aggressive.” Not really; the point is clearly made. And we could all use a little less aggressive-aggressive.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)