DEAR MISS MANNERS: I married my beautiful wife two years ago. We are both professionals in our early 30s in the business world. She is two years older than me. About a year ago, she had an accident and now has to use a cane -- something she will probably have to do for the rest of her life. My wife also dresses very modestly, which is an attribute that I love about her and I would never want her to change.

Whenever we are out in public or meet new clients, I’ve had people refer to her as my mother instead of my wife.

How do I respond to people when they make an assumption that my wife is my mother? Most people do not do it with any malicious intent, but it does lead to some awkward moments. I don’t want to cause further embarrassment to those people, or make my wife feel bad -- which she has on several occasions.

GENTLE READER: Look around as if the person is seeing someone that you do not, and say, “Oh, no, my mother couldn’t be here.” And then Miss Manners suggests that you pause and say as a separate thought, “Allow me to introduce my wife, Esmerelda.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a young woman with moderate-to-severe hearing loss. I am very open about being hard of hearing, and tell people so it’ll be easier on both of us communicating.

Yet throughout my life, I’ve dealt with comments about how I talk; cruel jokes to “test” my hearing; fake, crude sign-language jokes; accusations of being stuck up or rude; and even name-calling, in response to “ignoring” someone I honestly didn’t hear.

When I ask people if they could repeat themselves or please look at me while talking, I am often met with “never mind” or “I’ll tell you later.” Some people have even taken my husband aside and told him to put me on disability, as though I were too incompetent to make my own decisions. Is there a way to politely deal with such people?

GENTLE READER: “I appreciate your concern” -- particularly when their so-called concern is in the form of rude jokes, insults or unhelpful suggestions -- “but there are some things I am better off not hearing. If you could kindly speak up, I am sure that I would be better able to respond to any polite remarks you might make.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was asked by a friend to be a bridesmaid at her upcoming wedding! She and I are both wondering, however, how to handle breaking this news to others in our friend circle who are not included in the small wedding party (and who are attending the wedding). I’m hoping you can recommend suggestions for phrasing and timing, as it will eventually become evident.

GENTLE READER: There is no kind way to say, “Sorry, you just aren’t special enough of a friend to stand up at my wedding.” As you said, it will become evident -- and if it is a small wedding party, the ranking and reasoning for it will be implied.

Allowing the others to accept the oversight graciously (i.e., hearing by word of mouth and without a formal decree) is the only way to handle it. Any hurt feelings will likely be pacified when the others realize the financial pressure and duties that they have narrowly escaped. Miss Manners suggests that you do them the added favor of not suggesting that they contribute anyway.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a woman asks a man over to dinner, is it good manners for the man to say, “I am too busy to come eat, but I will take your leftovers”?

I think it is really poor manners, but another lady I know says it depends on how good of friends you are. I say it is just wrong.

GENTLE READER: Unless this woman works at a drive-through or a charity, this counter-suggestion is insulting and unacceptable, no matter how good the friend. Miss Manners suggests that the hostess answer, “I was asking in order to enjoy your company, not for the chance to cook, but thank you. Perhaps we can reschedule when you have more time.” The second sentence is optional.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I agreed to babysit my friend’s daughter. When they arrived at my home, my 8-year-old daughter was enjoying lunch while video chatting with her great-aunt.

When my friend eventually greeted my daughter, five minutes after she arrived (after she and I had finished our own conversation), she began to gently scold my daughter, saying to her that when someone enters a room, she should stop what she is doing and greet them.

The great-aunt who was on video chat with my daughter became upset, and said to my friend that my daughter is having a conversation with an adult, and that they should give her time to finish her conversation and then she would be able to greet them. The entire situation was uncomfortable for both my daughter and me.

What would be appropriate for an 8-year-old child, in greeting other adults, when an elder adult has her attention?

GENTLE READER: While it is true that live human beings should take precedence over electronics, the lines are now blurred between who is present in the flesh and who is virtually present enough to be chiming in, as your relative did.

It could be argued that someone who is on the telephone, for example, would be temporarily excused as long as the primary host was free to welcome the visitors. Yet anyone present should acknowledge them, if only with a nod -- so would that include the great-aunt?

What Miss Manners can say unequivocally is that the visitor was doubly rude in chastising your daughter and in doing so in front of her family members. Nothing to be done about it now, but just in case it makes you feel better.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This may seem counterintuitive, but what is a polite way to respond to people who converse with you, but like to use foul language? For example, they say, “What the (bleep) does it matter where we go?” We have friends who are good people, but it seems they use foul language frequently.

GENTLE READER: How about a frequent and well-placed wince?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the past couple of years, I’ve received many of what I term impersonal thanks-but-no-thanks emails from recruiters and hiring managers. Worse, sometimes I receive no response at all.

At best, I’m receiving a mass email after I’ve invested significant time into researching the company and the job, and have even developed ideas and presentations.

I’m not alone in either the limbo (waiting by the phone) or the receipt of an impersonal email follow-up. In some cases, I’ve called the recruiter or hiring manager directly and asked, “What could I have done better? What were you looking for that you didn’t hear from me?” etc.

Sometimes the managers are responsive; in other situations, they have promised to call back and haven’t. In a time when we seem to want more communication, rather than less, and when email seems like such an impersonal cop-out response to someone who’s truly spent time preparing for an interview, what is your suggestion?

GENTLE READER: Hiring managers and recruiters should, out of courtesy, acknowledge applicants and tell them when the search concludes with hiring another candidate.

As Miss Manners suspects that etiquette is not a sufficient incentive, however, she will give them a sound business reason for doing so: The rejected candidates know who you are and where you work. When they tell people you made a huge mistake in not hiring them, even their close friends will wonder if maybe you had a good reason. But if the candidate can say that you were rude, their anger at you and your company is more likely to stick.

How the recruiter should break the bad news will depend on circumstance. A form email is acceptable for an online posting that garnered hundreds or thousands of responses and when the candidate was not advanced beyond the opening round. The further along in the process the candidate gets, the more personal the delivery should be of the subsequent bad news.

Miss Manners hopes that hiring managers will take note, as she discourages you from trying to enforce this rule yourself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I received an invitation to a friend’s daughter’s wedding, I thought the envelope was somewhat thin, and discovered that the commonly used response card was absent. Instead, the invitation indicated that responses should be done by logging on to a particular website.

My friend told me that her daughter felt this was more convenient; in addition, she wanted to save money by eliminating the response cards and the stamps for them.

While I am a fan of technology, I am bothered by this application. I prefer to write a note indicating my plan to attend a wedding. I don’t want to be rude, but I also don’t want to comply with a choice that reflects a way of thinking that is so mercenary. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That there are times when being too charmingly old-fashioned to understand the web is the best defense.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)