DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a woman asks a man over to dinner, is it good manners for the man to say, “I am too busy to come eat, but I will take your leftovers”?

I think it is really poor manners, but another lady I know says it depends on how good of friends you are. I say it is just wrong.

GENTLE READER: Unless this woman works at a drive-through or a charity, this counter-suggestion is insulting and unacceptable, no matter how good the friend. Miss Manners suggests that the hostess answer, “I was asking in order to enjoy your company, not for the chance to cook, but thank you. Perhaps we can reschedule when you have more time.” The second sentence is optional.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I agreed to babysit my friend’s daughter. When they arrived at my home, my 8-year-old daughter was enjoying lunch while video chatting with her great-aunt.

When my friend eventually greeted my daughter, five minutes after she arrived (after she and I had finished our own conversation), she began to gently scold my daughter, saying to her that when someone enters a room, she should stop what she is doing and greet them.

The great-aunt who was on video chat with my daughter became upset, and said to my friend that my daughter is having a conversation with an adult, and that they should give her time to finish her conversation and then she would be able to greet them. The entire situation was uncomfortable for both my daughter and me.

What would be appropriate for an 8-year-old child, in greeting other adults, when an elder adult has her attention?

GENTLE READER: While it is true that live human beings should take precedence over electronics, the lines are now blurred between who is present in the flesh and who is virtually present enough to be chiming in, as your relative did.

It could be argued that someone who is on the telephone, for example, would be temporarily excused as long as the primary host was free to welcome the visitors. Yet anyone present should acknowledge them, if only with a nod -- so would that include the great-aunt?

What Miss Manners can say unequivocally is that the visitor was doubly rude in chastising your daughter and in doing so in front of her family members. Nothing to be done about it now, but just in case it makes you feel better.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This may seem counterintuitive, but what is a polite way to respond to people who converse with you, but like to use foul language? For example, they say, “What the (bleep) does it matter where we go?” We have friends who are good people, but it seems they use foul language frequently.

GENTLE READER: How about a frequent and well-placed wince?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the past couple of years, I’ve received many of what I term impersonal thanks-but-no-thanks emails from recruiters and hiring managers. Worse, sometimes I receive no response at all.

At best, I’m receiving a mass email after I’ve invested significant time into researching the company and the job, and have even developed ideas and presentations.

I’m not alone in either the limbo (waiting by the phone) or the receipt of an impersonal email follow-up. In some cases, I’ve called the recruiter or hiring manager directly and asked, “What could I have done better? What were you looking for that you didn’t hear from me?” etc.

Sometimes the managers are responsive; in other situations, they have promised to call back and haven’t. In a time when we seem to want more communication, rather than less, and when email seems like such an impersonal cop-out response to someone who’s truly spent time preparing for an interview, what is your suggestion?

GENTLE READER: Hiring managers and recruiters should, out of courtesy, acknowledge applicants and tell them when the search concludes with hiring another candidate.

As Miss Manners suspects that etiquette is not a sufficient incentive, however, she will give them a sound business reason for doing so: The rejected candidates know who you are and where you work. When they tell people you made a huge mistake in not hiring them, even their close friends will wonder if maybe you had a good reason. But if the candidate can say that you were rude, their anger at you and your company is more likely to stick.

How the recruiter should break the bad news will depend on circumstance. A form email is acceptable for an online posting that garnered hundreds or thousands of responses and when the candidate was not advanced beyond the opening round. The further along in the process the candidate gets, the more personal the delivery should be of the subsequent bad news.

Miss Manners hopes that hiring managers will take note, as she discourages you from trying to enforce this rule yourself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I received an invitation to a friend’s daughter’s wedding, I thought the envelope was somewhat thin, and discovered that the commonly used response card was absent. Instead, the invitation indicated that responses should be done by logging on to a particular website.

My friend told me that her daughter felt this was more convenient; in addition, she wanted to save money by eliminating the response cards and the stamps for them.

While I am a fan of technology, I am bothered by this application. I prefer to write a note indicating my plan to attend a wedding. I don’t want to be rude, but I also don’t want to comply with a choice that reflects a way of thinking that is so mercenary. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That there are times when being too charmingly old-fashioned to understand the web is the best defense.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband, a writer who teaches in a low-residency MFA program, sometimes comes into contact with well-known writers who come to his program to read.

On one occasion, he had to write the introduction for the work of the writer who was going to read. That person never said a word to him, even though he sat beside him at the dinner that followed.

Now, it’s true my husband isn’t one to toady up to people. He’s quiet and rather shy, but that doesn’t seem to be any excuse for that kind of rudeness. It happened again when my husband read with another well-known writer (to great applause, as it happened) and the other writer never even said a word to him (like “good reading”).

Is there a solution for this, like “Pour a bucket of water on their heads”? Or is it just “Grin and bear it”?

GENTLE READER: Although not one to defend churlishness, even in writers, Miss Manners notes that, in the situations you describe, the burdens on the well-known writers and your husband are not the same.

As the teacher of the course, your husband is the host. This means it is his responsibility to draw out his guests over dinner, perhaps even to compliment their performances. That they do not reciprocate is a justification for not inviting them back, not for sending them home wet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are your recommendations for dealing with people who go door to door, bothering neighbors with religious solicitations?

I don’t bring up religion in conversation, and it strikes me as brazen that others want to ambush me with an abrupt, prying assault on my privacy at my front door. Out of cowardice, these self-serving people often bring their children, so victims won’t say what they really feel about the intrusion. I’ve also heard that “witnessing” is actually using the unfortunate “audience” to test their own faith and ability to debate.

People know where to find a church if they want one. Please, what do I do?

GENTLE READER: Although she is not going to applaud knocking on someone’s door to make a sale, Miss Manners will not -- when the commodity is religion -- go so far as to say that the action itself is rude.

What follows, however, may be. The solicitor certainly has no right to insist on an audience, and the homeowner has a right to reject the offer, firmly and quickly. This means saying, “Thank you, we are not interested,” and closing the door -- without hesitation, but also without anger.

Think of what you want the solicitor’s child to understand: that you can behave decently even when dad is obviously making a nuisance of himself, or that maybe he has a point about the people behind closed doors being angry and lost?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)