DEAR MISS MANNERS: I can’t make small talk. At a gathering, if I have nothing to say, I say nothing.

If someone asks me a question, I will certainly try to answer to the best of my ability, but that’s it. People will actually come up to me and ask why I don’t talk, and I simply tell them I have nothing to say.

Around women, it’s worse. I tend to be intimidated by women in general, which probably comes from being raised by a domineering mother. I once sat next to a woman in a class, and I was so intimidated by her mere presence, I didn’t say one word to her for the duration of the class (about seven hours). I’ve never been able to understand how most guys can just walk up to a woman and start talking. If I walked up to a woman, I would just be standing there looking like an idiot and not saying anything.

Another problem is that I don’t introduce myself to people. I have never liked my name, so I don’t offer it. If someone asks my name, I’ll certainly tell them, but they have to ask. But the main point is, around men or women, I’m just not a talker.

GENTLE READER: You put Miss Manners in mind of a father whose daughter’s college application asked whether she was a leader. His advice was to admit that she was not, but to state that she was a hardworking follower when the cause was just.

An admissions officer wrote on the young lady’s acceptance letter that the school was especially glad to have her, because the entire rest of the class -- indeed, all the applicants -- were leaders, and badly in need of a follower.

We are a society of talkers, badly in need of a listener.

You do have to learn to introduce yourself -- it is a simple formula, but the failure to do so is unfriendly -- and then to ask easy, non-intrusive questions. Don’t worry about making these clever; the most banal inquiries -- about the occasion, the weather, the location -- work best, because the other person is not challenged to come up with something original. Once you get others talking, you can be charming just by listening.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have endeavored to keep up morale during quarantine by using our nicest china, silver and crystal more frequently. Sometimes we even dress for dinner.

However, one aspect of fine dining is giving us pause. Lacking a laundress (or even a dryer), we find the laundering and ironing of damask tablecloths onerous. Is it ever proper to use placemats or to dine on a bare wood table? Are wrinkly linens better than none?

GENTLE READER: Permission to do any of the above. Polite people overlook compromises required by necessity -- even in their own households.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a protocol that should be followed when new neighbors move in, either for the new residents or the old ones? Is one party responsible for going over and introducing themselves?

GENTLE READER: Typically the established residents are the ones to initiate contact, but Miss Manners thinks that whoever gets there first, also works.

The real point of the neighborly introduction is to provide reasonable assurance that neither party will be a future nuisance. A first impression that includes a warm welcome and a platter of baked goods is therefore infinitely preferable to a noisy party or lawnmower.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am not very close to my cousin, so I wasn’t surprised when I was not invited to any of her wedding festivities several years ago. It was an intimate destination wedding and announcements were not sent out. I mailed the couple a card with a note of congratulations and called my cousin, duties complete.

My aunt recently called out of the blue to tell me that she has held resentment toward me for neglecting to send the couple a wedding gift. She said that because I knew about the wedding, it was rude and penny-pinching of me not to send something with my card.

There have been countless weddings over the years that I have known about but did not receive an announcement/invitation for. Is it appropriate to only send a card? Or have I been stingy, and owe all of these people a note of apology?

GENTLE READER: Social media has made it possible to tally the many events to which one is not included, but you need not endure double insult by providing payment for the privilege of being snubbed. Miss Manners assures you that you owed this cousin nothing beyond your very best wishes, which you sent.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a lovely friend with a terrible habit: She talks with her mouth full. It makes dining with her unpleasant, and I feel increasingly resentful during our meals together. Not dining together is not an option, as she travels with our family at least twice a year.

I know it is impolite to correct another’s manners, and I believe she would be mortified if she realized she is doing this. Does Miss Manners have a suggestion as to something I can say that would not directly state she is making me sick at mealtime?

GENTLE READER: ”How rude of me to bombard you with conversation while you are trying to eat. I can certainly wait to ask you questions until you are done chewing.” And then Miss Manners suggests that you pause for as long as it takes to make your point.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Am I the only one bothered by the term “invites” when people really mean “invitations”? I hear the term and see it in print very frequently, but it does not appear correct to me.

GENTLE READER: It is not. “Invite” may be commonly used colloquially as a noun -- but not, you will notice, by Miss Manners.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Years ago, in my prior marriage, my then-husband and I invited my newly married stepdaughter’s in-laws to dinner. They declined, stating that they “didn’t need any more friends.”

Friends? And here I thought in-laws were family. Later, the groom’s mother threw a baby shower for her daughter-in-law (my stepdaughter) and she was miffed when I was uncomfortable being on the invitation as a co-hostess -- since, in my opinion, friends throw showers, not family. Admittedly I still responded as if she were FAMILY. At least to my stepdaughter.

Was this mother-in-law an anomaly? I’m getting remarried, and this will come up. I’ve never myself had a living mother-in-law, but goodness, I thought they were family, with similar obligations and etiquette.

Various other in-laws are about to cross my path, hopefully in a lovely way, but I’ll have an old-fashioned attack of the vapors if I can’t get some consistency on this.

GENTLE READER: Funny how this person does not require friends except when they can help her pay for stuff.

Miss Manners supposes that at least her stance was consistent. Since she did not regard you as family, then you would indeed be a contender to host the shower -- just not alongside her. Regardless, rudeness is rudeness, and if she did not wish to know you before, she should not have asked for your help later.

As for the larger question, in-laws should indeed be considered family ... in law. Out of law (as with divorce), they may be considered friends if both parties are amenable. But they should never be considered benefactors.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a lighthearted gift to a close male friend, my husband and I gave him a pedicure voucher -- and also bought one for my husband, so they could go together to the salon. (We had been joking about the sad state of both husbands’ feet.)

His wife decided to use it, and I’m not sure why I feel so miffed. The husband wasn’t aware she had used it, as I learned when I told him that he could have returned it and I would have given him something else. He seemed annoyed and said that he did want to use it.

Now my husband won’t go on his own. I know it is petty, but would you please advise me on the etiquette around gift vouchers?

GENTLE READER: The etiquette surrounding any present is that once given, it belongs to the recipient to do with what they wish -- but with an obligation not to get caught.

Your friend got caught, and that is why you are miffed. Miss Manners noticed, however, that you also violated decorum by dictating the terms of the present, no matter your lighthearted intention. She suggests that you do not repeat the mistake with your own husband -- who now finds himself with an unwanted voucher -- by similarly taking it off of his hands. Instead, heed your own advice and get him something else.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)