DEAR MISS MANNERS: Years ago, in my prior marriage, my then-husband and I invited my newly married stepdaughter’s in-laws to dinner. They declined, stating that they “didn’t need any more friends.”

Friends? And here I thought in-laws were family. Later, the groom’s mother threw a baby shower for her daughter-in-law (my stepdaughter) and she was miffed when I was uncomfortable being on the invitation as a co-hostess -- since, in my opinion, friends throw showers, not family. Admittedly I still responded as if she were FAMILY. At least to my stepdaughter.

Was this mother-in-law an anomaly? I’m getting remarried, and this will come up. I’ve never myself had a living mother-in-law, but goodness, I thought they were family, with similar obligations and etiquette.

Various other in-laws are about to cross my path, hopefully in a lovely way, but I’ll have an old-fashioned attack of the vapors if I can’t get some consistency on this.

GENTLE READER: Funny how this person does not require friends except when they can help her pay for stuff.

Miss Manners supposes that at least her stance was consistent. Since she did not regard you as family, then you would indeed be a contender to host the shower -- just not alongside her. Regardless, rudeness is rudeness, and if she did not wish to know you before, she should not have asked for your help later.

As for the larger question, in-laws should indeed be considered family ... in law. Out of law (as with divorce), they may be considered friends if both parties are amenable. But they should never be considered benefactors.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a lighthearted gift to a close male friend, my husband and I gave him a pedicure voucher -- and also bought one for my husband, so they could go together to the salon. (We had been joking about the sad state of both husbands’ feet.)

His wife decided to use it, and I’m not sure why I feel so miffed. The husband wasn’t aware she had used it, as I learned when I told him that he could have returned it and I would have given him something else. He seemed annoyed and said that he did want to use it.

Now my husband won’t go on his own. I know it is petty, but would you please advise me on the etiquette around gift vouchers?

GENTLE READER: The etiquette surrounding any present is that once given, it belongs to the recipient to do with what they wish -- but with an obligation not to get caught.

Your friend got caught, and that is why you are miffed. Miss Manners noticed, however, that you also violated decorum by dictating the terms of the present, no matter your lighthearted intention. She suggests that you do not repeat the mistake with your own husband -- who now finds himself with an unwanted voucher -- by similarly taking it off of his hands. Instead, heed your own advice and get him something else.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can one respond when someone apologizes for something that really warrants an apology?

An automatic response for many people is to say, “Don’t worry about it,” “No worries” or “That’s OK.” But these responses suggest that whatever was done or whatever happened is acceptable and OK to do again.

Example: A friend’s dog peed on my shoe when I was at her house -- I was trying to leave, and was frankly really irritated (this dog has housebreaking issues). She apologized, and I unthinkingly said, “It’s OK.” My friend said, “No, it’s not OK,” and I answered, “Well, no it’s not, but I’m not holding it against you.”

How can one accept an apology in a way that acknowledges that it was owed? I can only think of, “Apology accepted,” which sounds rather stiff. Or, “Thank you for apologizing,” which sounds rather awkward in some situations. Any other suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Awkward and stiff are not things to be avoided: They are the solution to your problem.

That very discomfort underscores that offense was given -- allowing your words to be gracious without being dismissive. Miss Manners avoids the colloquial “It’s OK” for many reasons, not least of which is her desire to leave no doubt that she would indeed object to anyone’s peeing on her shoes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a name that is very similar to other names. Having spent my entire life being called by the wrong name, I do not take offense. I simply tell people my name. Sometimes in writing.

And yet it persists. I typically try to reintroduce myself, maybe more than once, but ... it feels super awkward to shout out, “That’s not my bloody name, already!!!”

My friends and frequent acquaintances know my name, of course. But I am currently in a volunteer position in my community, and my program contact still calls me by the wrong name -- after multiple introductions, despite my subsequent efforts to try to discreetly inform them (e.g., in every signature of every email).

Suggestions on how to politely fix this, both specifically and in general? It is just disappointing to resign myself to telling people, for a lifetime, “My name is Saucer, not Soccer.” It feels like a constant confrontation. I realize in the time of COVID, this is not a bad problem.

GENTLE READER: There is, unfortunately, no wholesale solution, as the next person who mistakes your name has no way of knowing about the 4,628 who offended before.

You will therefore have to resign yourself to correcting that person with one of the self-effacing approaches with which you are so familiar.

A person who makes the same mistake after multiple corrections can be handled more sternly. Miss Manners will never condone the “bloody name” gambit, but she sees nothing improper in saying, “I volunteer here because everyone is so considerate. But please, if you could let everyone know that my name is ...”

It would be natural if the tone of each repetition revealed an increasing, though still polite, annoyance.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a business reporter for a local newspaper. I was informed that one of our local larger businesses was having a staff meeting to discuss major changes, so I decided to attend.

It took place in a large auditorium and there were about 500 people in attendance. I quietly sat in the back row and took notes. About 20 minutes into the meeting, I had enough material, so I got up to leave.

The president of the company, who was speaking at the time, apparently mistook me for one of his employees because he shouted at me, in an angry tone of voice, “Hey you! Sit down! We’re not done yet!” I ignored him and just kept walking.

Granted, I had not been invited to the meeting, though the company made no effort to keep outsiders out, either. But ignoring that aspect of it, what would have been the appropriate response on my part? Should I have ignored him as I did, or should I have said something? And if so, what?

GENTLE READER: No doubt the most satisfying solution would have been to say, “Thank you. I’m actually a local reporter and I have everything that I need,” before running for the door. It would certainly have given the company president pause.

But that only works if you are yourself innocent of any wrongdoing. A reputable reporter is expected to identify as such to the people he or she is covering -- unless the information to be obtained is accessible to the general public. When throwing a dinner party, Miss Manners may forget to lock the door each time a guest arrives. But that is not an open invitation to the neighbors.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If we are hosting a birthday party at our home for a niece or nephew, is there a polite way to suggest to the parent not to bring the biggest cake they can find?

Often times, we are left with a huge cake to fit into our fridge, which we actually don’t want once the party is over. I feel guilty for throwing it out. I get that it’s a hassle to bring home, or that they don’t want the temptation to eat it, but that’s got nothing to do with me.

I feel bad telling a parent what kind of cake to get their kid, but I have limited space in my fridge and no one in my house wants cake. Can I ask them to downsize the cake so more of it gets eaten by the guests? Or, if they must get a big one, to take the leftovers home with them?

GENTLE READER: You may not, but you may rebox what’s left at the end of the party and hand it to your brother or sister on their way out the door.

Protests that they have no place to put it should be met with a knowing, “I completely understand. It’s just that if it stays here, it’s going to get thrown out, and perhaps Liam will want another piece.” Miss Manners realizes that doing this in front of Liam will be more effective, but discourages that on the grounds of humanity.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)