DEAR MISS MANNERS: While my mom is terminally ill and under home hospice care, my siblings and I have been having trouble coming up with appropriate responses to conventional inquiries.

Close friends know what is going on. We assume that a casual “How are you?” from a colleague or acquaintance is not an invitation to open the subject, so we have been responding with the conventional “fine.” The problem is with people who were between those categories: those who might have met our mom at some time, or who might casually ask, “How are your folks?”

We don’t want people to be blindsided when she dies. Yet answering “How’s your mom?” with ”She’s dying” seems a little harsh, and “She’s under hospice care” seems to give too much information.

Would “She’s gravely ill” be appropriate? We assume that we should then direct the conversation into neutral channels so we don’t overwhelm the questioner.

GENTLE READER: You are right, given the situation, not to treat this as the typical, “How are you doing?” Miss Manners does not want you to have to answer questions, six months later, about what you meant when you said your mother was “fine.”

The honest -- and proper -- response is, “Thank you for asking. She is not doing well.” Your demeanor -- including how quickly you change the subject -- will cue the astute listener not to ask the obvious follow-up question. Even the less-than-astute listener will grasp the implications of the follow-up answer: “She’s in hospice care.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We received an invitation several months ago to the wedding of a close family friend, which was supposed to take place in the spring. We sent our regrets, as we had a conflict with the wedding date.

Flash forward, and the wedding has been postponed due to social distancing regulations. We’ve learned from family members who originally sent their acceptances that they have received new invitations to a new wedding date later this year. Those who had originally declined, however, have not received invitations to the new date.

I don’t begrudge the bride and groom in the slightest, as this is unfortunate all around. But it did make me wonder: Does etiquette have a guideline for who gets invited to a postponed party? Should all original invitees receive a new invitation, especially those who couldn’t originally attend due to a date conflict? Or should only those who originally accepted be invited the second time around?

GENTLE READER: Accepting (or declining) an invitation is not, Miss Manners frequently reminds everyone, a conditional act. “I won’t come unless you uninvite my ex-husband,” ”I’ll come if I can bring my own food” and “I can’t come because I have a hair appointment that day” are all improper, if not equally so.

The happy couple are therefore within their rights not to reissue invitations that were previously declined merely because the date, the location and the entree (though not, perhaps, the bridegroom) have changed. This does not, however, inoculate them against the unpleasantness that will follow the discovery of their change of heart, which is why starting from the beginning is often preferable.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am friendly with a neighbor in my building. I have helped him on a couple of occasions, giving him referrals to get help with legal matters, and he has helped me twice with moving heavy furniture.

I’m not interested in this man, other than to be neighborly. I am not quite sure about his intentions, and I’m trying my best to take him at his word that he’s interested only in being a friend.

However, lately, when he texts me, he says things like “Hello Beautiful,” “Hi, pretty one,” etc., which makes me extremely uncomfortable.

During the first part of the pandemic, he called me with a legal question, and somehow the conversation diverted to religion, since he expressed interest in the church I attend. He has also suggested that we go out for dinner once the quarantine is over (or “over” to the extent that we can do so safely), to which I managed to reply, “Maybe one day.”

That’s my way of saying “no,” hoping he doesn’t ask again.

What is the polite way to respond to these “niceties”? I feel disrespected when he calls me “My beautiful,” which he only seems to do when texting -- fortunately, I’ve only run into him once lately, when taking the garbage out. But I don’t know how to respond.

GENTLE READER: Men in love, or moving in that direction -- and you are right to be concerned that this is what is happening here -- do not hear “no” when told “maybe.”

It would be facile, not to mention unfair, to say they always hear “yes.” They may just hear what you actually said, which obscures the certainty in your heart.

Miss Manners hears that you do not like to say no. Few people do. But characterizing his awkward attempts at flirtation as disrespectful is not going to criminalize his actions or absolve you from clarifying your position.

Whether this is done in plain English or vague phrases is up to you. Miss Manners suggests something along the lines of, “Thank you, but I’m afraid that will not be possible; I have other commitments.”

Whether such commitments are to another gentleman or simply to your own preferences need not be stated. Should he be so crude as to ask what they are, the answer should be a firm, “They are personal commitments.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It can happen that a kindhearted and very busy faculty member promises to help a student who wishes it. It can subsequently happen that the faculty member -- not yet having delivered on the promise -- passes the student in the hall while on the way home to dinner with family.

How does the student, wishing to be a gentle person, avoid causing a sense of guilt without becoming invisible?

GENTLE READER: Having mastered the conditional, the third person and the passive voice, the student is, Miss Manners is confident, ready for a far simpler lesson: Said student has done nothing wrong and is not responsible for what said professor may (or may not) think about his own failure to make good on his promise.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one politely leave a Zoom conversation when the host has signed up for unlimited time, and everyone knows you have no place to go?

GENTLE READER: The same way you leave any party that is in full swing long after the expected time. You put on your brightest smile, say to the host, “This was great fun, but I’m afraid I have to leave now. Goodbye, everyone!”

And it is even easier now to make a quick exit, because the “Leave Meeting” button is closer than the door would have been.

Miss Manners keeps warning people not to make up excuses, even in person. They are not necessary, and you will be found out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s sister is in the habit of asking us to pick up food on the way to her house. She has four young children, so we often go there, versus them coming here (we only have one son, who is 2).

She’ll usually ask us to go to a nearby restaurant and get the takeout order, pick up pizza, or stop at the store to pick up “a few ingredients.” This usually ends up being much of the meal, such as hamburgers and hot dogs plus a side, or all of the ingredients necessary for a pasta night.

While we are happy to help, she never pays us back or even mentions it. We are also not offered anything to drink: We need to bring our own drinks except water, is the unspoken rule, and she will drink her drinks right in front of us without offering. We are asked to cook and clean, and we leave feeling as though we just supplied another family with a full night of fun, despite us having to drive.

We are happy to host (and provide all of the food and drink), but are rarely taken up on our offers.

Is there a polite way to ask for payment for the food we pick up? Or, should we stop picking up food in general? It’s very important to my husband that we go every two weeks or so, as that’s the only time he gets to see his family.

GENTLE READER: Before disappointing you, Miss Manners wants to offer sympathy. Your sister-in-law has set this up as a method for you to reciprocate while barring you from reciprocating in the usual fashion, which you have offered to do.

Without family support, with her pitting her four children against your one, with the increasing general habit of expecting guests to contribute refreshments -- and perhaps with the argument that, as family, you are not exactly guests -- you are probably not going to win this one.

But let’s give it another try. Make the argument to the entire gathered family that you insist on having them because you want your nieces and nephews to feel that your home is an extension of theirs.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it considered rude or in bad taste to ask someone how much money they received in a greeting card as a present?

GENTLE READER: Prior to mugging the recipient?

Miss Manners can think of no other reason to inquire.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)