DEAR MISS MANNERS: My co-worker and I have been friends since she began working at our office several years ago. Our office has no windows, so, historically, when she would go outside for a cigarette break, she would invite me to stand with her and get out of the office for a few moments. (I do not smoke, so I stand upwind of her.) We have been very close and our friendship was very meaningful to me.

I was out sick for nearly a month with what was initially thought to be COVID (though I tested negative for it). That was probably the sickest I have ever been in my life. I was out of work for three weeks, trying to recover -- the longest I have ever been out of work due to sickness.

I have been back to work for over a month now, but since my return, this co-worker has been very cold and will not speak to me. She makes a point of asking someone else, within my hearing range, to walk outside with her for her smoke breaks. She goes out of her way to avoid me, and I have no idea why!

She had made vague mention of my illness, so I assured her I was much better, and that my antibody testing indicated I had not been infected with COVID.

She continues to be chilly and nearly rude most of the time. I have been as kind as possible and continue to speak nicely to her, and try to ignore the obvious slights at work.

How on earth do I handle this? I thought whatever she was upset about might blow over, but this behavior seems to be here to stay.

GENTLE READER: The prudent habit of social distancing should not be confused with an older, uglier propensity to shun the unfortunate, out of the feeling that misfortune of any kind could be contagious.

Your co-worker is practicing the latter. Were she seriously only afraid of contagion, she would be concerned about your health and anxious that you not interpret her distancing as callous.

As she has made no such moves, Miss Manners suggests that you cease imagining that this person is your friend and deal with her, to the extent necessary, in a formal and professional manner.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When meeting a woman for the first time in social circumstances, is it appropriate to give a quick handshake, a crisp smile and say “Charmed”? Or is such a phrase no longer considered charming?

GENTLE READER: The smile is still necessary and the handshake is at least suspended until better days, when it may or may not be resumed. But as for saying “Charmed,” that was never right.

Miss Manners assures you that it is more flattering to declare a lady charming after you have begun to get to know her than to label her so automatically.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner of over 10 years is a wonderful person, and has been my rock through extraordinarily challenging circumstances. I feel very fortunate that we’ve found each other, and I know he feels the same.

My concern is that he has a way of interacting with people -- including myself -- that could be described as rude. While it doesn’t come from a malicious place, his antagonistic behavior and words can be jarring, embarrassing and ultimately, hurtful to other people.

He’s made jokes that upset others -- never anything like using racial slurs or misogynistic language, but a general jokiness that can be anxiety-inducing. He will stare at people doing yoga in the park, and openly challenge others when he feels they’re confused or incorrect. I overheard him on a conference call openly contradicting a person of authority in front of others.

He sometimes corrects me publicly, so I have to stand up for myself and tell him that no, I’m correct and his assumptions are wrong. He then apologizes and laughs a bit, sometimes in a way that kind of puts me down. If I point it out to him later, privately, he feels very badly and apologizes sincerely.

I know he is a kind person who does not mean to hurt others, and that this is a reflection of his personal history, insecurity and neglectful upbringing. Plus, he has a diagnosed mental health disorder that can affect behavior and personality.

I can view him with compassion -- and, of course, I have my own flaws and behavioral challenges, which he patiently navigates. But others do not necessarily have access to all this information, which can help contextualize his behavior.

When it comes to other people, I’ve tried to point out how his behavior or words might impact others, and he almost always brushes me off and says I’m overly sensitive. I’m worried that this is affecting his relationships, both personal and professional. In fact, I know it is. As his partner, I feel I have a duty to help him see the light, but he has basically set a boundary asking me not to correct him anymore, and so I feel like I must respect that. But I can’t knock this feeling that I’m supposed to be helping him.

Should I keep trying to help him adjust his behavior, or do as he asks and leave him alone? If you recommend the latter, is there anything I can do, indirectly, to point out a more productive and polite way of interacting with others?

GENTLE READER: Speak for yourself.

Miss Manners is not being flippant; she is genuinely advising you to speak to him only about his behavior toward you, not toward others. He will soon learn, if he hasn’t already, that his methods are tactless -- and that he is alienating others and perhaps even jeopardizing his career.

If he has been genuinely remorseful when you have pointed out hurt feelings or embarrassment, stay the course and continue to do so -- but for your own sanity, try not to listen in on his conference calls.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 19-year-old daughter has a boyfriend of the same age, who claims not to believe in giving gifts because they are materialistic. I could understand this point of view, except for a few things.

First, he is majoring in finance in college. He spends his hobby time investing in the stock market and buying and selling bitcoins. He traveled to Europe last year using his own money, but stayed at five-star hotels paid for by his parents. He has told my daughter that if he isn’t making $100,000 his first year out of college, he will feel that he has failed.

My “mommy senses” are flaring, telling me this guy is a jerk. My daughter says I don’t understand.

What do you think? How can I explain this to her? I won’t risk our relationship, but I hate to see her taken advantage of. This guy could make a million dollars someday, but every penny she sees will come at double the cost. Is there anything to be done here?

GENTLE READER: Rather than cause a rift with your daughter -- who seems to be perfectly fine with the situation -- Miss Manners suggests that instead you should be putting your efforts into encouraging her to be independent and make her own money.

That this young man is selfish and ungenerous will either prove to be irksome to her or it will not. But if his attitude persists and the relationship evolves, at least she will be able to pay for her own engagement ring and visits to five-star hotels.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During the stay-at-home order in our state, one couple I know has been out of work (both partners). Though nobody has said anything, it has entered my mind more than once that they could use financial help. Still, I don’t know how to go about providing help without being presumptuous.

Would it be OK to just mail them a card with a check in it? I was thinking of writing words to the effect that the enclosed is a gift, and possibly adding that I could loan more money if that would be helpful in the future.

GENTLE READER: Money, however needed, appreciated and kindly intended, is an uncouth present amongst friends, Miss Manners assures you. Offering a meal and some company (when restrictions allow) would be a better way to show friendship -- without causing embarrassment that could outlast their presumably temporary situation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please tell me how to politely -- or at least without frightening anyone -- let a car stopped ahead of me know that their brake lights aren’t working.

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, there is not much more you can do than try to align your windows, signal to the driver to roll them down, then shout or point vigorously at the faulty lights.

Miss Manners does not guarantee that this won’t be startling, but it will be infinitely less so than ending up in the car’s rear because you were unaware that it was braking.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)