DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 19-year-old daughter has a boyfriend of the same age, who claims not to believe in giving gifts because they are materialistic. I could understand this point of view, except for a few things.

First, he is majoring in finance in college. He spends his hobby time investing in the stock market and buying and selling bitcoins. He traveled to Europe last year using his own money, but stayed at five-star hotels paid for by his parents. He has told my daughter that if he isn’t making $100,000 his first year out of college, he will feel that he has failed.

My “mommy senses” are flaring, telling me this guy is a jerk. My daughter says I don’t understand.

What do you think? How can I explain this to her? I won’t risk our relationship, but I hate to see her taken advantage of. This guy could make a million dollars someday, but every penny she sees will come at double the cost. Is there anything to be done here?

GENTLE READER: Rather than cause a rift with your daughter -- who seems to be perfectly fine with the situation -- Miss Manners suggests that instead you should be putting your efforts into encouraging her to be independent and make her own money.

That this young man is selfish and ungenerous will either prove to be irksome to her or it will not. But if his attitude persists and the relationship evolves, at least she will be able to pay for her own engagement ring and visits to five-star hotels.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During the stay-at-home order in our state, one couple I know has been out of work (both partners). Though nobody has said anything, it has entered my mind more than once that they could use financial help. Still, I don’t know how to go about providing help without being presumptuous.

Would it be OK to just mail them a card with a check in it? I was thinking of writing words to the effect that the enclosed is a gift, and possibly adding that I could loan more money if that would be helpful in the future.

GENTLE READER: Money, however needed, appreciated and kindly intended, is an uncouth present amongst friends, Miss Manners assures you. Offering a meal and some company (when restrictions allow) would be a better way to show friendship -- without causing embarrassment that could outlast their presumably temporary situation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please tell me how to politely -- or at least without frightening anyone -- let a car stopped ahead of me know that their brake lights aren’t working.

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, there is not much more you can do than try to align your windows, signal to the driver to roll them down, then shout or point vigorously at the faulty lights.

Miss Manners does not guarantee that this won’t be startling, but it will be infinitely less so than ending up in the car’s rear because you were unaware that it was braking.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work with someone who goes to any length to never learn new skills or handle any additional responsibilities for the company we work for. We are both managers at the same level.

On a daily basis, I usually work two to three hours of overtime just to complete my own job. But this co-worker never stays late for any reason whatsoever, and never attends any work event that occurs after her shift. I always do.

Just the other day, while our boss was out of the office, my co-worker was shunting so many of her work responsibilities on to me that I was three hours late leaving work. But most importantly (I guess), my co-worker got to leave work on time.

For another example, she recently asked me three times to do a task that had been given to her. When I finally refused, she got very mad and left my office, slamming the door on the way out. Needless to say, she has put me in a very uncomfortable situation.

Our supervisor is a person who does not want to hear about any problems whatsoever; he just wants the job to get done. So, what I am to do, Miss Manners? What am I missing here, by finally telling the co-worker “no,” as nicely as I knew how?

GENTLE READER: Your co-worker is misbehaving, Miss Manners agrees. But she is less confident with the implication that your supervisor is also derelict, as you have been solving the workload problem for him.

Surely your duties as a manager already include saying “no” under even more challenging conditions. “I’m so sorry, but I just don’t have the time” is a businesslike and proper answer to your colleague, however badly she takes it. An unprofessional reaction is unfortunate, but surely not worth succumbing to emotional blackmail to prevent.

Your supervisor will then have to do his job, which is to deal with employees who do not do their own.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have been invited to a number of weddings that were supposed to occur over the past few months. Because of the pandemic, the brides and grooms are still getting married, but not having large gatherings or receptions.

We want your advice on what to do in these situations. Should we send a gift to arrive around the time the wedding would have been, or should we wait to see if they have a future reception? Or are we not obligated to send a gift at all?

GENTLE READER: Nobody is actually obligated to send a present, rendering moot any further disclaimer about the timing of the delivery of said present. Gracious people send wedding presents because they want a symbolic way of showing that they care about the people involved.

Never mind. Miss Manners does not mean to get caught up in technicalities. If you wish to send a present, now would be a good time. The residual shipping delays caused by the recent pandemic will, in any case, ensure that it does not arrive immediately.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During this pandemic, it is strongly suggested (and in some areas, required) that we wear masks when in public. I have seen many people ignoring this suggestion/requirement.

What is the best way to point out to them that they are endangering not only themselves, but those of us who are unfortunate enough to be near them?

GENTLE READER: They already know. Do you imagine that they have escaped hearing that masks are recommended, if not required, and why?

Miss Manners has long tried to make people understand that scofflaws do not reform when shamed by strangers. Rather, they fight back.

She supposes you could carry wrapped masks and say, “I have an extra mask if you need one.” But surely the best way to protect yourself is not to confront such people, but to move quickly away from them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was raised to believe that one should always stand up to greet anyone who was older, or in a position of authority. My conundrum is that I, a female, am much taller than my veterinarian, a female of a similar age.

I am not exceptionally tall, and she is not exceptionally diminutive, but the height difference is significant enough to make it awkward when she has to look up at me to advise me about my pets. I greatly respect her professional skills, and sincerely like her as a person.

Would it be rude to remain seated while she talks to me, so that we’re on a similar eye level, or should I keep with the protocol of standing while addressed? Of course, I could always stand up to greet her and then sit back down, if that would be better.

GENTLE READER: Have you noticed that your doctor is wearing a lab coat, even though she may not have been in a lab since graduate school? Miss Manners will get back to that.

Height is not the issue here: Your veterinarian is accustomed to dealing with patients significantly larger or smaller than herself.

The rule in social settings is that gentlemen rise to greet ladies, and the young rise to greet their elders. This is reversed in a business setting: Employees rise to greet the boss -- which in this case is you, as a client.

The lab coat is your doctor’s way of deemphasizing the fact that, in spite of having attended medical school, she works for you. She will be content with your remaining seated so long as you refrain from arguing with her advice based on something you read on iluuuuvmycat.com.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I’ve made a donation to a charity in someone’s memory, as suggested in their obituary, and ask for the family to be notified, am I wrong to expect a thank-you note?

GENTLE READER: As a staunch opponent of treating such circumstances as chits, redeemable for more convenient benefits or services, Miss Manners takes some satisfaction in saying that you are now owed two thank-you letters: one from the charity, for tax purposes, and a second from the family.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)