DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to the virus and my age, I am living in isolation, but a dear friend recently went out to a restaurant and brought me an order of clam linguini. It was very good, but messy.

Please advise me on how to handle getting the clams out of the shell when eating out. I’m afraid I made a mess at home by myself, so I have decided never to order clams or mussels in the future when dining with friends.

GENTLE READER: That seems too drastic a solution. What you need is a seafood fork, which is small enough to spear those critters in their shells.

You don’t actually need it at home, as no one knows you made a mess -- or wouldn’t, if you hadn’t told Miss Manners -- but you should ask for one in a restaurant if it is not supplied.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a wedding before the pandemic broke out, and I accepted the invitation. Then when the couple found out that they would not be able to have that wedding, they decided to have one on Zoom.

Well, when it came time for the wedding, I sat in front of my computer, logged into the account and waited -- and waited and waited -- for them to start. Forty-five minutes later, still no wedding.

Now what I want to know is, do I have the right to be upset? I didn’t say anything to them because I didn’t want to ruin their special day, but I did respond “yes” to the invite and sent them a wedding card and cash.

I just thought they should have made sure we were going to be able to celebrate with them. I guess in the end, they didn’t really care if they shared the day with us at all. I’m feeling very hurt.

GENTLE READER: If you have never had a computer glitch, Miss Manners congratulates you. Everyone else has, and some may even have learned not to take others’ such problems personally.

Why would anyone, no matter how callous, cut a Zoom guest list? It is not as though it would enable them to avoid feeding you.

Please give your friends the benefit of the doubt. It would be gracious of you to express regret to the couple that you missed the wedding, and ask if they would let you see any pictures or videos of the event.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While etiquette dictates sending thank-you notes for significant gestures, such as sending flowers or bringing food to your home, is it not necessary to send thank-you notes for sympathy cards? Do you send them if there was money in the cards?

My mother just passed, and I am not familiar with how to address these issues. I have never experienced a close, personal loss before now.

GENTLE READER: Giving anything, even money, counts as a significant gesture. So does writing a thoughtful condolence letter. Those require an expression of gratitude.

Miss Manners counts a mere signature on a pre-printed sympathy card as a minimal gesture, although perhaps better than nothing. A response is optional.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner, who is generally a wonderful and caring person, likes to, as he puts it, “read the internet” (that is, his favorite news sources) for at least an hour every day.

I don’t particularly mind, although I wish he wouldn’t do this at the table (but I have been guilty of that, too). However, he has a habit of reading things “at” me -- regardless of what I am doing at the time. I may be reading, writing, cooking, thinking about something or rushing around trying to get ready in the morning, but whatever he sees that strikes him as funny, interesting or worthy of derision, he will begin reading it to me without first asking if now is a good time.

Much of what he reads is actually interesting, though I’d prefer not to follow the daily ups and downs of politics so closely. I don’t mind him sharing it with me, but I’d prefer a daily summary of the best of the day’s news, rather than an ongoing commentary.

How can I politely request this? I’ve made the point before, and he has sounded as though he understands, but the habit hasn’t changed. I’m not sure how to give daily reminders appropriately.

GENTLE READER: Next time he tries to read a headline at an inconvenient time, try putting a quick and apologetic finger up, followed by, “Oh! One sec. Let me just finish my thought.” (Or paragraph or risotto or pants-buttoning.) “Then I would love to hear about what you’re reading.”

Miss Manners recommends that you repeat this as many times as necessary, as long as at dinner you remember to say, “I was distracted when you were trying to read me something. Now I would love to hear all about it.” By this time, he will likely have forgotten, or will just give you the highlights.

Better yet, establishing a “no devices” rule at the table will help to classify this information as dinner conversation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in an apartment building that allows us to buzz people in the front door through an intercom system. My neighbor will often buzz us to let her in because her hands are full.

I wouldn’t mind helping her if this was an occasional incident, but she is beginning to do this several times a week. It is really starting to become a nuisance. Please advise me the best way to handle this.

GENTLE READER: Stop answering. Or only do it sporadically.

Miss Manners does not wish you to be unkind or unhelpful, but being available to your neighbor on command is not your job. And under the current circumstances, you may well be trying to do your real job at home and are being constantly interrupted.

If you relegate the buzz-answering to once a week, your neighbor will learn not to rely on you -- and perhaps, also, how to put her groceries down for a moment so that she can use her key.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some friends and I have noticed an uptick in people “correcting” us when we say “I’m sorry.”

It can be as simple as my saying, “I’m sorry you’re having a bad day” (“Why are you sorry? You didn’t cause it”), to apologizing for being late (“No ‘sorry’ needed”), to expressing condolences over the death of a spouse (“Don’t be sorry; she’s in a better place”).

I feel discounted and dismissed, not to mention somewhat appalled that I would be admonished in public. Why don’t people just say “Thank you” and leave it at that? What gives, and is there anything I can say?!

GENTLE READER: The apology has indeed been much maligned by every means -- from considering it an admission of wrongdoing to being cited as the reason women do not receive promotions at work.

But like you, Miss Manners finds it a symbol of polite society, not yet another courtesy to be viciously picked apart for its literal interpretation. Even qualifying it with why one is sorry -- as in, “I am so sorry for your loss” -- can, as you say, be found to have fault.

“I meant I am sorry for you,” said weakly and with a sigh, seems to be about the best that can be mustered -- until we learn as a society to accept compassion graciously.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a neighbor who is extremely outspoken and opinionated about everything!

I, on the other hand, go with the flow in my life and don’t let negativity take up space in my mind if I can help it.

I struggle with knowing how to be a good neighbor and not wanting to hear all her ranting. Usually I try to make sure I’m not out when she is, and if so, I just wave or say hi, but pray she doesn’t run over and start up. What’s the best way to handle this, as I live directly across the street?

GENTLE READER: Keep something permanently cooking on the stove.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have friends who were supposed to be married soon, but due to COVID-19, they have had to postpone the wedding until the fall. Back in January, I ordered them a gift that is personalized with their names and original wedding date.

What is the appropriate thing to do with this gift? Should I still give it to them, or should I just toss it, since it can’t be returned? If I give it to them, should I do so now or wait until the fall? I just don’t want to commit a faux pas or upset them because they had to postpone their wedding.

GENTLE READER: As much as Miss Manners hates to see this thoughtful present go to waste, she is afraid that giving it to the couple might be an unfortunate reminder of what did not transpire -- or befuddling to their future children or archivists.

Perhaps the retailer will take pity and be able to design over the engraving or otherwise detract from it. If not, it might be more tactful to keep it, turn it the other way around and get the couple another present.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)