DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m connected to many friends and acquaintances on social media. For my birthday, well over a hundred people posted their wishes publicly on my page.

While I would prefer more personal, private messages (which close friends indeed sent), I do appreciate the kindness, and hence make it a point to respond to every posted message with a brief, individual reply.

However, I noticed that this approach is fairly uncommon: Most people simply share a generic “Thanks, everyone, for all your wishes” post on their page shortly after the event. As a sender of wishes to others, I would find that disappointingly generic and rather impersonal.

What is the perfect way to thank a large group of people for their birthday wishes on social media?

GENTLE READER: One writes thank-you letters, in part, to recognize and reciprocate the effort exerted by a gift giver.

But although Miss Manners, like you, prefers good manners to efficiency, she recognizes that requiring an individual response to every low-exertion expression of goodwill in such a situation would crush the festive spirit of even the most committed birthday girl. Direct felicitations should be acknowledged, but the public nature of the greetings you describe allows for a group response.

This is a minimum standard. While there is no ban on your responding individually to each “Happy bday Cindi!!!!”, doing so 100 times in a public way may convey an impression of self-absorption rather than gratitude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable for visiting grown children to take food from their parents’ fridge without asking? Or is it more appropriate to ask, “May I take such-and-such?”

GENTLE READER: Likely, Justin and Jenna -- who now have children of their own -- fondly remember helping themselves to cheese slices while doing algebra homework. What their parents remember is their annoyance at finding empty wrappers on the living room carpet.

But now those children are guests -- privileged ones, but no longer residents -- so they should ask. Fond parents may wish to preempt this with a standing offer to help themselves, which fond children should reciprocate by periodically restocking the refrigerator.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife has had a very dear friend for many years. This friend’s son, of some age himself, was recently contacted by a child who said that he was his birth father.

How does one inform close friends and associates of this new addition to his family? The grandmother happens to be thrilled that she has a new youngster to dote on and to spoil.

GENTLE READER: With associates, Miss Manners recommends a bold approach: that your wife’s friend introduce him as what he is -- her son’s son from a previous relationship -- while acting as though it is only she, not the father, with whom the boy was not previously acquainted.

Friends and family will require a less ambiguous explanation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Experts have recommended that during the coronavirus outbreak, we keep 6 feet of distance from others and refrain from shaking hands. I am all for that, as I have never been a big fan of shaking hands.

I am sure when the pandemic subsides, hand-shaking will bounce back. I work in a profession where I frequently meet people, and shaking hands is common.

Is there a polite way to avoid this? Why can’t a smile and simple “hello” work as a way of greeting?

GENTLE READER: They could, but we have developed so many other greeting gestures -- kisses, fist bumps, hand slaps -- that it will be a wonder if anyone remembers how to hold still and smile at the same time.

With any luck, people will be used to greeting without grabbing. But Miss Manners acknowledges that habits hang on, and dealing with an outstretched hand may be necessary, as refusing to shake it has always been considered an insult. People with severe arthritis or other good reasons to forgo the gesture have long had this problem.

Key is an apologetic expression: Bring the eyebrows together while making a pathetic little smile. You could also shrug, with your palms open (See? No weapons!) while saying “Sorry, I can’t shake” -- and then hurrying on to say how glad you are to see that person with no time to explain why. “I’m afraid you might make me sick” is not a charming statement.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s the proper way to eat asparagus?

GENTLE READER: It depends on how much fun you want to have.

There are three equally proper methods:

If you just want to get your greens, use a fork, cutting the spears with the side of the fork before conveying the pieces to your mouth.

Or you could invest in asparagus holders, if you can find them. That they often have an asparagus spear etched on the side does not prevent diners from staring with stupefaction at seeing them in their place settings.

Free, and even more fun, Miss Manners believes, is picking up the asparagus by hand and nibbling from the top. What makes this enjoyable is the horror on the faces of those who are unaware that this method is traditional. (Note: This is not a privilege extended to other vegetables, so don’t try it.)

A note of caution: Watch out for dripping sauces. The serene smile you exhibit when knowing that you are correct despite all disbelief does not sit well above a stained shirt front.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a niece who addresses all of her mail as Mr. and Mrs. Smith, rather than Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. This greatly upsets us, and her mother-in-law. We feel it does not show any respect for her elders.

Are we wrong to feel this way? Has the proper way to address an envelope changed?

GENTLE READER: Oh, please. She is using honorifics -- titles of respect, which are in rare use nowadays. So is writing letters at all, for that matter. Miss Manners begs you to explain this to those relatives before the young lady reasonably concludes that there is no use trying to please them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

GENTLE READERS: This summer’s damper on recreational travel gives us pause to muse about tourism itself.

There are those of us who, much as we cherish our hometowns, are yearning to be somewhere else -- revisiting another beloved place, or just roaming around. Then there are those who live at popular destinations, and have a love-hate relationship with tourists: love the money, hate the crowds.

And some are in both those categories: We can’t stand those awful people who come here, but we feel free to grace someplace else.

Miss Manners is not given to bashing tourists. Considering how she likes to travel, it would be unbecoming. When others brag of frequenting places “where none of the tourists go,” she has to resist saying, “Well, at least until you got there.”

But she does admit that touristic behavior could stand some improvement. And she says this in the interest of tourists themselves -- ourselves -- as well as those who are driven crazy by trying to go through their ordinary routines while having to dodge crowds of people blithely blocking them while taking photographs of themselves.

The selfie habit might be a good place to start. Yes, yes, you want to preserve the memory of being in that lovely place. But perhaps not at every step you take. You don’t look that different blocking every site on your list. And frankly, your friends are not truly thrilled to see all this posted.

What irritates the locals is not only having to walk around you on their way to work or school. It is knowing that it is not their treasured wonders that interest you; it is yourself, with those merely serving as background.

It takes only a little homework to counter that. Anyone who neglected the reading for a college course but managed, the night before the examination, to cram in enough material to pass ought to be able to pick up the rudiments of history and culture when traveling. Asking intelligent questions is as flattering as asking stupidly basic ones is annoying.

You can often strike up conversations that way, and talking to the local people is one of the joys of travel. Miss Manners knows of lifelong family friendships that began with an interesting question posed to a shopkeeper or even a passerby -- interesting enough to require retiring to a cafe for further discussion. (The shopkeeper put a Back Soon sign on his door rather than give up elucidating matters to the tourist.)

This is more likely to work with artisans than sellers of ordinary souvenirs. Anyway, you probably want to go home with something that your stay-at-home friends haven’t found cheaper online.

Of course, knowing the language is of inestimable help for foreign travel. But aside from Parisians who pretend not to understand Americans’ high school French, foreigners who understand English are generally appreciative of even rudimentary attempts at their native language. At a minimum, one should memorize the words for “Please,” “Thank you,” and “I’m so sorry, I don’t speak your language.”

Finally, Miss Manners believes in giving back in return for the pleasure a place has given you. For those just passing through, it could be a donation to an organization they have enjoyed, such as a museum; for frequent visitors, joining such a support group.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)