DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one spread cream cheese on a bagel?

Assuming the bagel is cut in half, does one spread cream cheese on an entire half of the bagel? Or is a bagel treated as, say, a dinner roll, where one only butters the pieces that one breaks off?

I’m afraid that my family didn’t come across bagels in the old country, so this has us a little mystified. (I admit I have been treating it as dinner bread -- it seems less gauche than buttering an entire half-bagel.)

I await your answer with bated breath. There’s a very nice bagel shop across the street, and I will enjoy it so much more when I know how to eat the bagels properly.

GENTLE READER: Either method you describe is indeed proper, depending on whether you consider it a piece of bread or a sandwich.

However, Miss Manners warns you: Before you enjoy the bagels from across the street, make sure that you specify that they be delivered to you dry and/or whole. Otherwise, the shop will generally do the spreading for you, leaving you with a warm, cream cheesy gloop that will be nearly impossible to eat neatly -- or to get off of your sleeve.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A close relative had to cancel her wedding due to COVID-19. While we expect a new date to be decided soon, nothing has been announced.

Then we received a very confusing missive, which contained two announcements. The first was a note canceling the original wedding, and the second was an invitation to a shower-by-mail.

I understand the bride’s dilemma, and I sent her a gift from her registry because that’s what I would have done anyway. But my traditionalist self is troubled by what ends up being a straight-up request for gifts.

Perhaps you can come up with a way to negotiate these new shoals: one that will satisfy both young brides and old aunties like me.

GENTLE READER: Was there ever to be a shower in person? Or was the bride simply terrified that with the wedding canceled, presents would be forgotten -- and she desperately needed new oven mitts?

Although Miss Manners finds your proposal to negotiate generous, there is no real way to compromise here. A shopping list is not an invitation, except to hand over one’s credit card information. If guests made the assumption that presents were no longer required, then they will presumably re-remember when new wedding invitations are sent. In the meantime, the hapless bride must buy her own mitts.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In reading about an operetta, I discovered that a scene which took place at a wedding included a joke that virtually all the wedding presents were spaghetti scissors.

At first, I assumed the notion of spaghetti scissors was an invention of the librettist, but then I began to wonder: Were spaghetti scissors once actually sold as a piece of cutlery that one could add to one’s kitchen utensils?

GENTLE READER: It is a joke. Cutting one’s spaghetti with scissors -- while certainly an amusing idea -- is best left to comedians, not polite society.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 16-year-old girl who was taught to be polite and to say “please” and “thank you.” I try to be grateful and thank the people around me, even for little things like answering a simple question or handing me something.

What bothers me is when people immediately say “you’re welcome” before I have a chance to thank them. It comes across to me as if they are assuming that what they’ve done deserves to be thanked, and it feels as if it takes the courtesy away when I respond with “thank you.” Am I the only one who finds this rude? How can I respond to this?

GENTLE READER: Acknowledging thanks that have not been expressed is more than an assumption: It is often a thinly veiled criticism. But as you did not yet thank the person, now is not the time to start a fight.

Miss Manners suggests leaning in with an enthusiastic, “I was going to say: Thank you so, so much!” The implicit counter-criticism will be all the more clear if your emphatic gratitude is out of proportion to the action being acknowledged.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our daughter was married last August, and my husband and I hosted a prenuptial dinner for close family and out-of-town guests at our home. The brides had previously sent an email to the wedding guests to let them know that alcohol would not be served at the wedding.

Out of respect for their wishes and our own sensibilities, we only served lemonade, iced tea and water at the dinner.

My sister-in-law came into our kitchen where the buffet was set out, carrying a brown paper bag containing two wine bottles. She left it on a counter, after pouring herself the first of a few glasses.

I was upset that she not only brought alcohol, but left the wine out on the counter. Not knowing what to say, I said nothing. Days later, it occurred to me that I could have moved it to a corner and quietly told her where it was. I didn’t want to ruffle her feathers, but she sure ruffled mine. Should this ever happen again, what would you suggest I say or do?

GENTLE READER: A hostess who keeps a wine bottle in the kitchen for herself is treating her guests with inexcusable rudeness -- even if she does not get caught. And normal guests are, with modest exceptions, expected to stick to the menu (though they may, of course, decline specific items).

As a family member, your sister-in-law was both -- and neither. You would presumably appreciate her treating your house as a second home, within reason, and you have some duty to protect her from the consequences of her own rudeness.

But you may also ask yourself if her inability to get through the evening without a drink itself requires further inquiry. Assuming her rudeness was casual, and not more serious, Miss Manners would have moved the bottle to an inconspicuous spot and told your sister-in-law where to find it, as you mentioned, while cautioning her not to flaunt it. You can tell your brother about it after the party.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m one member of a group of six longtime neighbors -- 35+ years, all men, ranging in age from 65 to 78. We take turns scheduling a monthly breakfast or dinner outing so we can meet up, enjoy a good meal and maybe a drink.

So far, we’ve been doing this for over five years with very good success -- despite the fact that, politically, we are in two camps (we don’t discuss religion). However, one member of our group has taken to wearing his red, pro-president hat whenever we meet. And this same person can be quick-tempered and defensive.

For me, this hat is very offensive for all it stands for, and it’s also a sort of an in-your-face insertion of politics. He also claims to be quite religious, reminding us repeatedly about how he holds Bible studies at his house.

I’ve rehearsed multiple ways that I could address this at our outings, but no amount of rehearsing makes me think that a blowout wouldn’t ensue. I’d like to stay with the group and not lose a long-term relationship with him, nor with anyone else who chooses to take sides. I don’t want it to become a “what side are you on” type of outcome.

GENTLE READER: These days, there are people on every side of every issue who feel as you do about avoiding controversy.

The problem is usually ascribed to partisanship, a description Miss Manners finds unilluminating. The problem is not that you and your friend have a strong disagreement; it is that you do not know how, or when, to put aside your differences.

While you were growing up, she hopes that your parents warned you not to speak about religion or politics in certain social settings because it would tear the group (or family) apart.

Whether your friend’s hat leaned right or left, he would no doubt protest that a hat is not speech. The Supreme Court would, with some reason, call that rank hypocrisy.

Of course he has the right to form his own political opinions. But he has violated the tacit agreement not to introduce politics into your social setting.

How do you restore peace? Search out a member of the group who agrees with your friend politically, but with you on the desire to keep the group going. If you can convince that person that introducing politics will end the friendships, then he may be able to convince your hat-toting friend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to eat pancakes? Should you cut the whole pancake into bite-size pieces or cut just one bite at a time?

GENTLE READER: The latter. Unless you are cutting them on behalf of someone who needs smaller pieces. In that case, Miss Manners gives you fair warning that having the pieces pre-cut is infinitely preferable to cleaning up sticky, syrup-y hands when that person inevitably gives up and tries to pick up the pancake whole.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)