DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m one member of a group of six longtime neighbors -- 35+ years, all men, ranging in age from 65 to 78. We take turns scheduling a monthly breakfast or dinner outing so we can meet up, enjoy a good meal and maybe a drink.

So far, we’ve been doing this for over five years with very good success -- despite the fact that, politically, we are in two camps (we don’t discuss religion). However, one member of our group has taken to wearing his red, pro-president hat whenever we meet. And this same person can be quick-tempered and defensive.

For me, this hat is very offensive for all it stands for, and it’s also a sort of an in-your-face insertion of politics. He also claims to be quite religious, reminding us repeatedly about how he holds Bible studies at his house.

I’ve rehearsed multiple ways that I could address this at our outings, but no amount of rehearsing makes me think that a blowout wouldn’t ensue. I’d like to stay with the group and not lose a long-term relationship with him, nor with anyone else who chooses to take sides. I don’t want it to become a “what side are you on” type of outcome.

GENTLE READER: These days, there are people on every side of every issue who feel as you do about avoiding controversy.

The problem is usually ascribed to partisanship, a description Miss Manners finds unilluminating. The problem is not that you and your friend have a strong disagreement; it is that you do not know how, or when, to put aside your differences.

While you were growing up, she hopes that your parents warned you not to speak about religion or politics in certain social settings because it would tear the group (or family) apart.

Whether your friend’s hat leaned right or left, he would no doubt protest that a hat is not speech. The Supreme Court would, with some reason, call that rank hypocrisy.

Of course he has the right to form his own political opinions. But he has violated the tacit agreement not to introduce politics into your social setting.

How do you restore peace? Search out a member of the group who agrees with your friend politically, but with you on the desire to keep the group going. If you can convince that person that introducing politics will end the friendships, then he may be able to convince your hat-toting friend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to eat pancakes? Should you cut the whole pancake into bite-size pieces or cut just one bite at a time?

GENTLE READER: The latter. Unless you are cutting them on behalf of someone who needs smaller pieces. In that case, Miss Manners gives you fair warning that having the pieces pre-cut is infinitely preferable to cleaning up sticky, syrup-y hands when that person inevitably gives up and tries to pick up the pancake whole.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepson is getting married during the pandemic, and is now only able to invite a tiny number of guests. He plans to have his big wedding at a later date. The guests now only include the bridegroom, their son, the couple standing up for them and their natural parents.

I feel that that is disrespectful and inappropriate. Am I wrong in feeling this way?

GENTLE READER: Whom would you ask them to eliminate to allow you one of those slots?

Oh, whoops -- Miss Manners had failed to notice that although you listed the bridegroom, who is not exactly a “guest,” you did not list the bride.

But the bride is only the first whose claim to this highly restricted gathering seems stronger than yours. Later, when larger festivities are held -- it will not actually be a “wedding,” as the couple will already be married -- you should be included. Now is the time to withdraw gracefully, with all your good wishes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother taught me that it wasn’t in good taste to display my framed photographs of friends and family members in the living room (the “public area”) and that I should display them, instead, in the bedrooms or “family room/den.” The exception would be a portrait (painting) or the like.

Is this still true?

I live in a small duplex with only one living area. My son, after a decade of my begging, gave me a framed photo of himself. After I unwrapped it and thanked him, I immediately put it on my mantel. I think I’m going to leave it there, right or wrong. However, that made me wonder what the reasons were behind the rule my mother taught me, and if they were still valid.

GENTLE READER: The idea was that public rooms were for art, and private ones for that photograph of you with a movie star you once met at a charity function, or the one of your now-teenaged child as a toddler taking a bubble bath.

But then photography came to be recognized as an art. So that shot of the woods with the early ray of sunlight can be shown in the living room, as can photographic portraits.

Of course, that was before the age of the selfie. Miss Manners cautions you that neither your snapshot nor that picture of your fancy dinner qualifies.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have begun receiving correspondence from an organization to which we have given several donations.

In their correspondence, they address us as Mr. and Rev. Jack March. As the wife and the reverend in the family, I find this odd and amusing.

Would it be rude of me to request that, in future correspondence, they simply address us as Jack and Ginger?

GENTLE READER: Just because your title is being ridiculously misused doesn’t mean you have to forgo its being used at all. Annoying you would be counterproductive to the organization’s goals, so Miss Manners assures you that it would be helpful, rather than rude, if you informed it of the correct way to address you and your husband. It is as follows:

The Reverend Ginger March

Mr. Jack March.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Somewhere along the line, I was led to believe that a handwritten note was preferable to a printed card for expressing sympathy.

I’ve been sending handwritten notes on notecards I make on my computer -- the front has a picture of a butterfly flying toward a bright light, and the back has our names and contact information. I leave the inside blank to write on. I admit these cost me very little to make.

My father died a couple of months ago, and I received many beautiful store-bought greeting cards -- most with handwritten notes of various lengths about my dad, in addition to the signature below the printed sentiment.

Am I being cheap and gauche to use my homemade cards? Should I be buying expensive cards to send sympathy notes?

A lot of our friends are losing parents, siblings and spouses, and I have quite a few to write. I would really need to buy cards by the box to have enough, but the ones I received were bought individually from the card rack. They are much fancier than the boxed kind or the ones I make myself.

GENTLE READER: The odd notion that it is somehow important that condolences be sent on a commercial card is widespread, Miss Manners has noted with amazement.

Don’t people understand that the key element of expressing condolences to the bereaved, and tributes to the deceased, is the part that the senders write themselves? That, and not your choice from a card rack, is what makes the card meaningfully personal. Whether you write it on plain paper or designs you find on the computer, or alongside preprinted sentiments, is irrelevant.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son, now 26 years old, has been coached his entire life about manners. He has had some difficulty accepting the rationale behind some conventions, but I found him open-minded in a discussion about the proper way to manage silverware.

He accepts most of the requests I have made about his eating habits, but we squared off on the point of holding a fork in the right hand. I found myself speechless when he pointed out that we Americans accept Europeans holding their forks in the left hand.

His point is, why should Americans be offended by other Americans using this eating style, when they are not offended by Europeans doing so? We have agreed to abide by your opinion.

GENTLE READER: Try cultural appropriation: He’s an American aping European manners.

What makes this worse than appearing to patronize other cultures (a charge that gives Miss Manners trouble, as she generally sees it as flattering) is that it smacks of a different sort of snobbery: that if Europeans do it, it must be fancier.

But it also comes of an historical muddle -- that it must be an older tradition, and thus prized by traditionalists. In fact, what is now the American way of eating was the old European one that colonists brought here. It was the Europeans who changed by speeding up, which is exactly what traditionalists would reject.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)